Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you agree that this one thing is enough of a reason that shows that this nanny is not for us ?

65 replies

sofachai · 31/10/2023 13:58

I outlined a few things that are important to us when she first started.

Nothing outrageous.

I explained that I don't want to micro manage her and that I want her to be autonomous and make her own schedule of what she'd like to do with the children ( both preschoolers ). But to keep the important things to us in mind.

One of the things is that we really want our children to have fresh air every day and for her to take her out into our large / child friendly garden.

Nanny agreed. However, unless I remind her to it, she doesn't do it. I work from home in my office a lot, so I know when she goes out and when she doesn't. Unless I tell her to please take them out, it does not happen.

I've also reminded her 4 times that I would rather I didn't need to remind her to do it, as it's not my style and I just want her to respect that it's important to us. I've then left her to it, and again, a couple of weeks go by and she doesn't take the children outside.

She's been with us 6 months, but based on this alone, I think she's not the right fit for our family. I've given her many chances to get it right. She takes them out for a day or so and then she stops doing it for a couple of weeks, until I remind her again.

I feel bad about leaving her without a job so I will give her time to find another, but would you agree it's just a bad fit at this point ?

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 31/10/2023 14:00

I agree with you.

What does she do with them inside the house?

sleepwhenidie · 31/10/2023 14:00

Totally agree. It’s not a big thing and it’s not as if there’s a list of 25 things she must do. It’s not even specific about where they go or what they do!

justjeansandanicetop · 31/10/2023 14:00

Yes, this would annoy me.

She's not listening / not interested.

Let her go.

Original poster
sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:00

I've also asked her if there's a reason she doesn't want to take them out and if there's a problem we could fix etc but she said no.

OP posts:
Teddleshon · 31/10/2023 14:02

This is a simple straightforward and reasonable request and something that any decent Nanny should do as a matter of course.

VesperLind · 31/10/2023 14:03

There is a reason - she doesn’t want to. It’s as simple as that. She thinks that it doesn’t matter to you as much as you say because you’re not chasing her out every day. She doesn’t understand autonomy and rather expects and perhaps prefers micromanagement. She’s not a good fit, let her go.

Illegallyblonder · 31/10/2023 14:03

Let her go.

Soontobe60 · 31/10/2023 14:03

What is there for the children to do in the garden?

Original poster
sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:05

Soontobe60 · 31/10/2023 14:03

What is there for the children to do in the garden?

They have a swing, trampoline, slide, little house, bikes and scooters, a sandpit and footballs etc. they absolutely adore going outside.

OP posts:
karmakameleon · 31/10/2023 14:05

Does it have to be the garden? Would you be happy if she took them to the park or did other outdoor activities?

Original poster
sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:08

karmakameleon · 31/10/2023 14:05

Does it have to be the garden? Would you be happy if she took them to the park or did other outdoor activities?

There are no parks in walking distance and she doesn't drive. Public transport is also an issue where we live. So it's either I go with, or they go in the garden.

OP posts:
DRS1970 · 31/10/2023 14:09

I agree that would be annoying. But I could easily think of much worse things she could have done that that. Do you really want to fire, what otherwise seems to be a good nanny.

Pinkpinkplonk · 31/10/2023 14:11

Tell your children to tell her they want to play outside!!

Original poster
sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:11

DRS1970 · 31/10/2023 14:09

I agree that would be annoying. But I could easily think of much worse things she could have done that that. Do you really want to fire, what otherwise seems to be a good nanny.

I think it says a lot about her to be honest.

I don't check up on her to see what she's doing but there is a lot of TV time, whenever I do come in and often she's messing around on her phone too. That's my general impression of her and the outside situation doesn't help.

OP posts:
karmakameleon · 31/10/2023 14:11

sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:08

There are no parks in walking distance and she doesn't drive. Public transport is also an issue where we live. So it's either I go with, or they go in the garden.

Show quote history

So they are stuck in the house all day? No play dates, no trips out? I’d get a new nanny that can drive and do stuff with them.

Pinkpinkplonk · 31/10/2023 14:13

sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:11

I think it says a lot about her to be honest.

I don't check up on her to see what she's doing but there is a lot of TV time, whenever I do come in and often she's messing around on her phone too. That's my general impression of her and the outside situation doesn't help.

Show quote history

That’s different, she’s not a good nanny, let her go, don’t feel guilty.

Ibravedaflood · 31/10/2023 14:17

You want fresh air. She wants phones and TV.. Not a good match op.

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 31/10/2023 14:18

Yeah I wouldn't have employed a Nanny who couldn't drive. Just for practicality reasons

Lochness1975 · 31/10/2023 14:20

Find a nanny who can drive, takes your dc outside and doesn’t use her phone when she should be doing her job.

anicecuppateaa · 31/10/2023 14:22

She’s not right for your family. We’ve had 2 nannies and the small stuff becomes more and more annoying.

Green777 · 31/10/2023 14:22

She must feel very uncomfortable knowing you’re watching what she does when she’s in the garden.

How long do you expect them to be out for? She might think you want them out a lot.

However, I think I’d let her go. I’d find someone that is outdoorsy and that’s aware of you watching and monitoring their comings and going’s and is fine with it.

KaySararSarar · 31/10/2023 14:24

She doesn’t sound best placed for what you’re after I agree, don’t feel guilty. My DCs each went to nursery and they had extended outside playtime most days and structured outdoor learning.

Perhaps feedback your reasons to her as an explanation so if she decides to carry on nannying she will hopefully take it onboard (and you don’t have to feel guilty about giving references)

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 31/10/2023 14:25

I'm surprised that it's the not-going-into-the-garden/ not following your requests that you're minding the most.

I was always very firm with my nannies (I had two) that my DC could only watch TV in the half hour or so she was preparing dinner. If your DC are still napping, there's really no excuse for her putting them in front of the TV when there's a fully equipped garden right there, that they enjoy. They take so long to get ready, so long to eat, so long to corral, there's barely any time for actual hands-on playing etc. TV while she's on her phone would be it for me.

Wheredidyougonow · 31/10/2023 14:25

Sounds familiar have you posted about this before. What is she doing all day with them? Given that you have a lovely outdoor setup it's not ok keeping them in all day. I would let her go too.

Original poster
sofachai · 31/10/2023 14:27

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 31/10/2023 14:25

I'm surprised that it's the not-going-into-the-garden/ not following your requests that you're minding the most.

I was always very firm with my nannies (I had two) that my DC could only watch TV in the half hour or so she was preparing dinner. If your DC are still napping, there's really no excuse for her putting them in front of the TV when there's a fully equipped garden right there, that they enjoy. They take so long to get ready, so long to eat, so long to corral, there's barely any time for actual hands-on playing etc. TV while she's on her phone would be it for me.

I do mind the other stuff to, but seeing as I'm not constantly with them ( rightly so ) I only get snippets of behaviour. So I can't say for sure that they're always in front of the tv or that she's always on her phone.

Hence why I'm focusing on the one thing that's crystal clear, which is not respecting what I've asked her to do, regarding going outside.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread