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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that some parents like to label their children as dyslexic/dyscalculic/dyspraxic or as kinaesthetic learners....

262 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 10/03/2008 10:25

...rather than accept the fact that their child might not be particularly bright/academic, and by so doing this detracts from children who genuinely are eg dyslexic?

OP posts:
3andnomore · 14/08/2008 15:02

Oh and I know that ADHD is not just about being naughty...of course it isn't....
it's hard to explain...but, honest, those Kids are no different to mine, so, either way I have my head in the sand, or they get their diagnosis whatever way....sorry....

I honestly have no problem with people who really worry about their Kids and I do know that of course there are children that really have problems....of course there is....I just still happen to believe that around here there seem to be a culture of "my Kids has "adhd", and it will be about benefits and possibly also to have a good excuse when the child isn't behaving the way they think they should....

Blandmum · 14/08/2008 15:08

But a parent just saying their kid has adhd and a child having a dx of ADHD are two quite different things.

so a mother saying, 'My little Atilla can't help behaving badly because he is a bit hyperactive' is probably BS. A mother who has sweated blood to get her kids assessed properly and has a formal dx is quite different.

Peachy · 14/08/2008 15:11

'so, why are some of those children then so nice and completely normal behaved at nursery'

I cant answer for those kids, but many aren't pcked up at nursdeery (sen generally) as its generally a smaller environment wth enough 1-1

ds1 was totally missed by a senco at nursery but is very definitely sn, hgher rate care now

3andnomore · 14/08/2008 15:12

but, a lot of these Kids get a diagnosis, and I can't wuite see how...
I mean, recently overheard a conversation between 2 moms...after one mom took her ds to teh GP for this...she told the otehr mom...we just walked in and GP straight away said, apparently, oh, he got adhd....surely....there is somehting seriously wrong when it is "that easy"?
I mean, like I said, I have friends who have to fight so hard for dx and then statementing....and they should have no problem getting either...and then this...

admittedly, it is very possible that it is a problem in this specific area where I live, because anywhere else I have not have had these experiences....

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 14/08/2008 15:20

GP's cannot diagnose ADHD.

Blandmum · 14/08/2008 15:34

I think that the acid test is that I have never read a post on MN that said, 'Just got a diagnosis of XXXX and a stet,ment/disability living allowance/whatever and do you know it was dead easy'

I have, however, read a sad list of mothers who have had to sweat blood to get even the most tiny amount of provision for their kids

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 14/08/2008 15:42

"Here where I live a lot of children are appanretly ADHD....and very often, I think the Kids are just "normal" Kids, that are just lifely....I htink often it seems to be a matter of getting them statemented for the extra benefits the parents can claim then....and that makes me angry.....with those parents it is often a lack of proper parenting if anything"

but a dx of ADHD doesn't give you a statement or extra benefits. So if that's why they're doing it then they're not going to get very far.

mrz · 14/08/2008 15:42

My son has a diagnosis of ADHD made by a psychiatrist (in my area the diagnosis can not be made by a paediatrician and definitely not by a GP). His "behaviour" has never been a problem in school (or at home other than the fact he doesn't sleep for more than 20 mins) He is very impulsive and "fidgety" and totally disorganised. He also has great difficulty following more than one instruction at a time which can be a problem in school but "naughty" isn't a word that has been used to describe him.

mrz · 14/08/2008 15:44

I should add that I'm a SENCO and my son doesn't have a statement.

FioFio · 14/08/2008 15:44

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Message withdrawn

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 14/08/2008 15:54

Oh I agree about that Fio- but I think voluntary/non gatekeepered (is that a word?) things have to be set up with a clear clientele group in mind. And then be very strict about it. It's hard to enforce but I think I am boring everyone locally banging on about

We did climbing again btw- and it is still being accessed by the most severely affected (which is great as a mix would be hard to work) - BUT it's now stopped until next holiday because they haven't got enough instructors. DS1 was just getting into it- went much higher this week.

Everything else of course is mainstream and therefore inaccessible.

Blandmum · 14/08/2008 15:59

at the thought of the procvision being stopped.

We have a school local to us where a mate of mine works which specialises in working with children with the more marked end of the ASD spectrum. Your ds1, JJ would be a the 'lesser' end of the range, but there are children like him there.

It is mostly bording and the anual fees go up to 200,000 (and I typed that with great care)

You do all of that, and the bastards cut funding during the holidays, makes me hopping mad

Peachy · 14/08/2008 16:03

if there was anywhere in the country a statement was easy to obtsn they'd be inundated- getting basic services for a sn child is the hardest work i've ever done, as for dla........ nightmare

Fio i understand what you mean and what you are dewcribing and it's wrong, as a basic aside (and i dont mean the kids you are referring to) hf does only refer to iq- somw kids with hf are also severe, perhaps in diferent ways- trust me on this, ds1 is reckoned as severe and DS2 has just ben rushed off today for medical attention after a ds1 induced injury that means he was bleding from his penis (angry at ds1, not anyone on here LOL)

There is a kid ats chool who is dx's dyslexic but his Mum tells him he has X Y and Z.... she doesn't feel its a problem for him to follow ds1 around at school screeching i'm as Aspie too, or Aspie the Ass Burglar (coqw)- ap[art from dyslexia though his main issue is a seriously mentally ill mother with zero parenting skills who is on hard medication most of the time and treally shouldn't have care of any child (I do have sympathy but her mental illness is srug induced so less than for another Mum I admit).

pagwatch · 14/08/2008 16:04

oh god
DLA just makes you want to lie down and give up doesn't it

Blandmum · 14/08/2008 16:06

We filled in the 'Congratulations, you are dying, so we only make you do the first bit' DLA application, when dh was diagnosed and that was bad enough!

the rest of the form made me feel ill!

Peachy · 14/08/2008 16:12

I had 2 DLA applications to do

DS3's was assessed days before his 5th birthday so technically I could redo for mobility (he would get lower rate, ds1 now does) but there's NO CHANCE! I'd need to be desperate!

Peachy · 14/08/2008 16:13

It is good they do the fast track though

And actually what bothers me most isn't the form (although I loathe it and am certan it makes lots of people miss out) but the fact that people who haven't seen it still argue that DLA is easy to get hold of.

VictorianSqualor · 14/08/2008 16:13

3andnomore, not all symptoms of SN are easily noticeable.

DD is seven and has literally, today, received the report from the Paed saying she has Dyspraxia, and from what I've seen, I've had it relatively easy thanks to a great doctor and a teacher that rushed things through so it didn't get put off over the summer.

It's still not finished though, we now have to find out what percentage bracket DD is in and will get one-on-one therapy only if she is in the lowest 5%, group therapy for between 5-10% nothing if not in the lowest 10%.

It's not a walk in the park and certainly not easy emotionally or physically to go through the channels you have to go through to have it confirmed that yes, you r precious darling child, has something wrong and could hinder them throughout the rest of their life.

slightlycrumpled · 14/08/2008 16:16

Aarrrggghhh to DLA forms, and actually to the whole bloody statementing process as well!!!

Peachy, I hope your DS is okay!

Do people really, genuinely think that the help is easy to come by? Unbelievable!

Getting the correct help for my DS for all the areas he needs has been the hardest, most time consuming, heartbreaking work I have ever done.

Peachy · 14/08/2008 16:20

DS2 is fine, the bleeding stopped but is badly bruised and he has to have AB's in case. he's off to Mum's Sunday, she'll ahve to do them- they're topical, she gonna love that (almost PMSL then I remember cause grrrrrrrrrrr)

VS I hope you're OK, I remember finding out ds3 was Sn- felt like the most awful, physical, nauseating pain. I hope your DH is supporting you well.

getting the help is a full time job, I've never done anything ahrder and that includes writing a dissertation is 5 days with a newborn on my lap.

StarlightMcKenzie · 14/08/2008 16:42

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drowninginlaundry · 14/08/2008 16:46

Can we just stop trying to define 'genuine' SEN especially those posters who obviously have no experience of the SEN system. There are hundreds of thousands of children who do not have statements but have special educational needs as defined by the law.

From the SEN Code of Practice (this is a statutory instrument)

'Children have SEN if they have a learning difficulty which calls for special educational provision to be made for them.

Children have a learning difficulty if they:
a) have a significantly greater difficulty in learning than the majority of children of the same age; or

b) have a disability which prevents or hinders them from making use of educational facilities of a kind generally provided for children of the same age in schools within the area of the local education authority or

c) are under compulsory school age and fall within the definition at (a) or (b) above or would do so if special educational provision was not made for them.'

I'd like to meet one of these mythical parents who like to 'label' their children as having SEN without the child actually having any. Because, it is such a laugh and the extra support, funding, parties and merriment is sooooo abundant that it really makes it worthwhile! [hmmm]

Bollocks methinks. There is no way that you can judge whether a child, especially a child that is NOT your own but you just observe from a far/make judgments based on a conversation you overheard at the school gates, has SEN as defined by the SEN Code of Practice - which is the basis for implementing the graduated level of response from School Action to SA+ to a Statement of SEN.

What is with Mumsnet these days - so many threads where people are posting the weirdest things about children with SN

Blandmum · 14/08/2008 16:51

There is a long history of people saying odd things about SEN on MN. That is wht the SN part of the board is a specifically 'opt in' area.

drowninginlaundry · 14/08/2008 16:57

I know I shouldn't have read this thread, but I couldn't stop myself....

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/08/2008 16:57

Nah, I know that really 3. I'm just a bit edgy about the whole thing atm. I kind of feel like I'm stuck in the murky area between NT and SN. And my GOD am I sick of other people 'volunteering' parenting advice like I'm some kind of idiot who hasnt already thought of time out/naughty step/reward charts/pasta jar/insert-parenting-technique-or-tool-as-appropriate.

ah...that's better.

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