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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a normal childhood experience?

77 replies

Tobeannoyedatthis · 30/10/2023 11:45

Just wondered if I’m being a bit sensitive about this! It happened years ago and I don’t sit and think about it or dwell on it, but I was thinking about it recently because the parent in question (my mom) was laughing about it and joking about how scared I was and how big of a baby I was, and it sort of annoyed me because I don’t think I’m overreacting to be annoyed about it! But yeah just thought I’d ask for an outside opinion

my mom was generally not a great parent- it hurts to even admit that because I still love her so much but she really wasnt. Among other things, something i remember so clearly from my childhood was that her and her friends would have movie nights where they watched scary movies (the exorcist, scream, the ring etc etc) and because she couldn’t get rid of me, I had to stay and watch too. This was from when I was around 7 to 13. Maybe I was a bit of a baby but the movie’s absolutely terrified me, to the point I was paralysed with fear when trying to sleep because I was so scared. She would also tell me stories about ghosts she’d seen in our house (apparently) and that she had been to a psychic who had told her she was haunted by the ghost of her aborted child from before I was born. My mom would then get annoyed at me because I was terrified at being left home alone so she could go to the takeaway etc and I followed her about the house because I was so frightened, which just angered her even more.

but the thing that still annoys me- her and her friends were going to an event with really well known horror mazes (the saw maze at Thorpe park). My mom lied about my age to the person there who just let me in and my mom told me it wouldn’t be scary (I knew her and her friends wanted to go in and she would be furious if I was too scared and stopped her, so i just pretended I wanted to go in). It was utterly horrendous. I remember there was blood everywhere, people on chains, and someone dressed up in a pig mask. It was so gruesome and scary and I remember we had to walk one behind each other in a chain through the maze and I could barely walk I was so scared. Obviously it was just actors but they would approach you (no contact obviously) and I was 11/12 and it was terrifying and I had a panic attack in the middle of it and broke down crying and couldn’t breath- my mom started shouting at me and telling me to grow the f up and one of the actors actually broke character to check I was ok and walk me out the emergency exit. My mom carried on the maze and I waited outside sobbing myself until she came back out and she was furious with me for being such a baby and ruining everything and embarrassing her in front of her friends. I knew it wasn’t real but it was terrifying and I felt like I couldn’t breath because I was so scared.

im an adult now and very little contact with my mom, and like I said I don’t really think about it anymore but my mom was recently laughing about how much of a scared baby I was in my childhood and she laughed about the saw maze in particular. AIBU to think most parents wouldn’t have exposed their kid to that? Or was it a sort of normal thing and I was just particularly sensitive as a kid?

OP posts:
towriteyoumustlive · 30/10/2023 11:50

I remember age 12 managing to break into my friend's house and we watched Chucky that her parents had rented. OMG it was scary!!

So being subjected to stuff like that from age 7 is child abuse. It's vile!

Lamelie · 30/10/2023 11:52

She was very abusive Flowers
I hope life is good for you now.

Createausername1970 · 30/10/2023 11:52

That was in NO WAY normal. That was horrendous. I am so sorry you experienced that at such a young age. Things have age ratings for a reason.

You weren't asking for anxiety advice, so perhaps you have dealt with it in your own way, but if you do suffer with anxiety then I would assume that this type of parenting was at the root of it. Knowing the cause of something can help tremendously when trying to deal with the fall out.

hiredandsqueak · 30/10/2023 12:04

Not normal that is abusive. Dm and df were very careful about what we were allowed to view as children even in the seventies. I hope life is better for you now.

followingthebreath · 30/10/2023 12:07

Oh love that doesn't sound normal at all. Are you having symptoms that include flashbacks, being full of adrenaline (hyperarousal) and avoiding the triggers (Halloween must be a hard time) then it might be worth exploring whether you have ptsd from these experiences. Or even if not trauma at that level it sounds like it might be valuable to explore in therapy xx

threecupsofteaminimum · 30/10/2023 12:09

Jesus that's horrific and absolutely not a normal childhood experience.

Your mum was selfish and cruel, I'm scared just reading about it and I'm 46. I don't know what to suggest in terms of counselling to make sense of it but please know that this was not your fault and definitely not normal, your mother must have had some serious issues to be so invested in horror and not being arsed to shield,you from it at such a tender age.

I hope you're ok Flowers

Iliedwheniwas17 · 30/10/2023 12:10

No, that’s horrific. You poor thing op. It sounds terrifying

Uggquestion · 30/10/2023 12:14

Your mother was deeply selfish and abusive. I'm so sorry.

My children would irreparably altered by the experiences you were exposed to. Entirely normal to have incurred damage and entirely abnormal of your mother to treat you that way.

Be well. Find your peace.

Xiaoxiong · 30/10/2023 12:23

I'm really sorry you experienced that OP, I saw IT (the film with the scary clown) at 18 at uni and it scared me so badly I had nightmares. So to have had that experience younger would have finished me off I think.

Was your mum very young herself? I just can't understand what the thought process could be. There is something about teens/young adults and horror/gore that a lot of people do grow out of, I remember DH when I met him at 20 watched a lot of those really horrible torture films like saw and hostel but these days just wouldn't ever watch or enjoy that kind of thing.

Ohnoooooooo · 30/10/2023 12:23

Sorry but your mum is devoid of nurturing. Sounds horrific and I would not even subject my 17 year old children to even one of these things unless they told me that wanted to do or see something (unlikely).

18Piccolinos · 30/10/2023 12:27

Tobeannoyedatthis · 30/10/2023 11:45

Just wondered if I’m being a bit sensitive about this! It happened years ago and I don’t sit and think about it or dwell on it, but I was thinking about it recently because the parent in question (my mom) was laughing about it and joking about how scared I was and how big of a baby I was, and it sort of annoyed me because I don’t think I’m overreacting to be annoyed about it! But yeah just thought I’d ask for an outside opinion

my mom was generally not a great parent- it hurts to even admit that because I still love her so much but she really wasnt. Among other things, something i remember so clearly from my childhood was that her and her friends would have movie nights where they watched scary movies (the exorcist, scream, the ring etc etc) and because she couldn’t get rid of me, I had to stay and watch too. This was from when I was around 7 to 13. Maybe I was a bit of a baby but the movie’s absolutely terrified me, to the point I was paralysed with fear when trying to sleep because I was so scared. She would also tell me stories about ghosts she’d seen in our house (apparently) and that she had been to a psychic who had told her she was haunted by the ghost of her aborted child from before I was born. My mom would then get annoyed at me because I was terrified at being left home alone so she could go to the takeaway etc and I followed her about the house because I was so frightened, which just angered her even more.

but the thing that still annoys me- her and her friends were going to an event with really well known horror mazes (the saw maze at Thorpe park). My mom lied about my age to the person there who just let me in and my mom told me it wouldn’t be scary (I knew her and her friends wanted to go in and she would be furious if I was too scared and stopped her, so i just pretended I wanted to go in). It was utterly horrendous. I remember there was blood everywhere, people on chains, and someone dressed up in a pig mask. It was so gruesome and scary and I remember we had to walk one behind each other in a chain through the maze and I could barely walk I was so scared. Obviously it was just actors but they would approach you (no contact obviously) and I was 11/12 and it was terrifying and I had a panic attack in the middle of it and broke down crying and couldn’t breath- my mom started shouting at me and telling me to grow the f up and one of the actors actually broke character to check I was ok and walk me out the emergency exit. My mom carried on the maze and I waited outside sobbing myself until she came back out and she was furious with me for being such a baby and ruining everything and embarrassing her in front of her friends. I knew it wasn’t real but it was terrifying and I felt like I couldn’t breath because I was so scared.

im an adult now and very little contact with my mom, and like I said I don’t really think about it anymore but my mom was recently laughing about how much of a scared baby I was in my childhood and she laughed about the saw maze in particular. AIBU to think most parents wouldn’t have exposed their kid to that? Or was it a sort of normal thing and I was just particularly sensitive as a kid?

Aged 7… absolutely awful of her.
Age 13… it’s starting to be on you actually, you knew the films were scary and couldn’t take yourself off to bed?

I don’t like scary films at all, so avoid them.
Your Mum obviously likes scary stuff (OK, I don’t get it) and she should have said that she was going to a place where they prank and scare you for fun, but she knows you don’t like it so you have to stay at home.

But, you know, actually it’s really really wearing having a child spoil fun for years on end. Yes, of course you didn’t mean to, and in an ideal world you would be blissfully unaware of how annoying it was to her. Presumably if she had foregone all of that because you couldn’t cope at the time you wouldn’t like to hear now “God, I really resented ToBe and struggled not to think she was being deliberately manipulative”.

I wonder is this all about feeling powerless in front of your mother. What would happen if you turned around and said “Are you having a fucking laugh, how dare you say that when everyone here knows you thought it was OK because you’re a nasty bitch.”
Could you something like that to her?

Biscuitandacuppa · 30/10/2023 12:27

When I was about 10 my Nan was babysitting and she watched IT. I was terrified, when my mum found out she went mad, my Nan just said it wasn’t real so what was the problem. I had nightmares for months. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you to be repeatedly exposed to that kind of stuff. Even today 35 years later I don’t watch horror movies. It was neglectful, emotionally abusive parenting in my opinion. Most definitely not a funny story.

BeeHappy12 · 30/10/2023 12:31

I feel for you so much, that would've been hideous. I'm still scared of horror movies and so is DH, i would never expose my kids to them.

BeeHappy12 · 30/10/2023 12:33

Biscuitandacuppa · 30/10/2023 12:27

When I was about 10 my Nan was babysitting and she watched IT. I was terrified, when my mum found out she went mad, my Nan just said it wasn’t real so what was the problem. I had nightmares for months. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you to be repeatedly exposed to that kind of stuff. Even today 35 years later I don’t watch horror movies. It was neglectful, emotionally abusive parenting in my opinion. Most definitely not a funny story.

I saw the cover of IT at a friends house when i was 10 and it seriously freaked me out for months! No way i could watch it.

Original poster
Tobeannoyedatthis · 30/10/2023 12:34

18Piccolinos · 30/10/2023 12:27

Aged 7… absolutely awful of her.
Age 13… it’s starting to be on you actually, you knew the films were scary and couldn’t take yourself off to bed?

I don’t like scary films at all, so avoid them.
Your Mum obviously likes scary stuff (OK, I don’t get it) and she should have said that she was going to a place where they prank and scare you for fun, but she knows you don’t like it so you have to stay at home.

But, you know, actually it’s really really wearing having a child spoil fun for years on end. Yes, of course you didn’t mean to, and in an ideal world you would be blissfully unaware of how annoying it was to her. Presumably if she had foregone all of that because you couldn’t cope at the time you wouldn’t like to hear now “God, I really resented ToBe and struggled not to think she was being deliberately manipulative”.

I wonder is this all about feeling powerless in front of your mother. What would happen if you turned around and said “Are you having a fucking laugh, how dare you say that when everyone here knows you thought it was OK because you’re a nasty bitch.”
Could you something like that to her?

Show quote history

Sorry, I know it wasn’t clear in my OP but if I had said I wasn’t going to watch it she would have gone nuts at me and called me a baby, told me I was embarrassing her in front of her friends, being weird and antisocial because I couldn’t even sit and watch a movie like a normal person and why couldn’t I just sit quietly and not be such an embarrassment etc.

tbh I’m not quite sure about your point of a child spoiling fun being wearing. And no, I wouldn’t like to hear that from my mom, I don’t think anyone would? Sorry, I’m just not quite sure what point you’re making with that

OP posts:
Lackinginspiration1 · 30/10/2023 12:34

That’s awful OP, I’ve been to those scare mazes as an adult and I hated them, and I don’t watch horror films either. Can’t imagine how much worse it would have been as a child. She should be ashamed of her own behaviour, not mocking you.

Onethingatatime23 · 30/10/2023 12:35

Not normal at all. Though I do remember some kids at primary school had clearly been allowed to watch 18 horror films so it was not massively unusual in the 1980s but I don't think it's right at all.

DD2 on the other hand had always been drawn to darker films and went to the Thorpe Park fright night recently and loved all that (she's nearly 15 now)- restricted to Coraline and The Nightmare Before Christmas when she was little, and she watched Stranger Things at 11/12 and then perhaps a few more aimed at older teenagers more recently - the big difference is this is her choice and her enjoyment, it's certainly not imposed on her by me, I like ghost stories but not horror generally.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 30/10/2023 12:37

I'd go as far as to say this is a form of psychological abuse.

Unnecessarily cruel and sorry, OP, but is your mum a bit thick?

Reugny · 30/10/2023 12:38

Tobeannoyedatthis · 30/10/2023 12:34

Sorry, I know it wasn’t clear in my OP but if I had said I wasn’t going to watch it she would have gone nuts at me and called me a baby, told me I was embarrassing her in front of her friends, being weird and antisocial because I couldn’t even sit and watch a movie like a normal person and why couldn’t I just sit quietly and not be such an embarrassment etc.

tbh I’m not quite sure about your point of a child spoiling fun being wearing. And no, I wouldn’t like to hear that from my mom, I don’t think anyone would? Sorry, I’m just not quite sure what point you’re making with that

Show quote history

That alone with a 13 year old is abusive.

My mum used to watch stuff I wasn't interested in with other people and on her own. Once I said "Hello" to her friends I could go to my room and do my own stuff. And the stuff she watched wasn't scary.

randomusername2020 · 30/10/2023 12:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 30/10/2023 12:41

OP I'm 46 and couldn't watch those movies now. I cant cope at all with horror. Its either something you enjoy or don't. My SIL loves this kind of stuff and can't understand me at all. I think your Mum was a disgrace and I can't believe her friends were ok with it. It sounds like she was a young Mum so her friends maybe didn't have a clue and you were the only kid around? I can imagine her frustration with having a 'clingy' kid but its all on her. I'm sorry to read this, maybe you should tell her how real it all was for you? Especially if she is laughing about it.

thesugarbumfairy · 30/10/2023 12:42

That's awful OP. And not normal.
Sometimes parents are a bit clueless about what is appropriate for kids to watch, but the mocking behaviour you've described from her is not ok.

I remember staying with my mother once (I didn't live with her) and they had on a hammer horror film. This was late 70's. I distinctly remember the scene as at the time I couldn't get it out of my head. It was in a theatre dressing room - someone touched the shoulder of the actress and she had been decapitated so her head fell off - probably funny now especially to an adult, but at 5/6 I was pretty distressed - she laughed at me too (my mother did) She was not a good parent. I was very lucky not to live with her.

Peacelily001 · 30/10/2023 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

All of this 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

WTF are you on about @18Piccolinos?

Cheesemas · 30/10/2023 12:44

How much older than you was your mum OP? It sounds from the way you describe her that she was pretty young. She also sounds like she was wholly unprepared to be a decent parent.

Mourningbecomeselectra · 30/10/2023 12:48

This is awful and you can see most people say you are not at all unreasonable - I would think anyone who voted this was okay for a child was absolutely warped.