Was this a normal childhood experience?

[Tobeannoyedatthis]

Just wondered if I’m being a bit sensitive about this! It happened years ago and I don’t sit and think about it or dwell on it, but I was thinking about it recently because the parent in question (my mom) was laughing about it and joking about how scared I was and how big of a baby I was, and it sort of annoyed me because I don’t think I’m overreacting to be annoyed about it! But yeah just thought I’d ask for an outside opinion

my mom was generally not a great parent- it hurts to even admit that because I still love her so much but she really wasnt. Among other things, something i remember so clearly from my childhood was that her and her friends would have movie nights where they watched scary movies (the exorcist, scream, the ring etc etc) and because she couldn’t get rid of me, I had to stay and watch too. This was from when I was around 7 to 13. Maybe I was a bit of a baby but the movie’s absolutely terrified me, to the point I was paralysed with fear when trying to sleep because I was so scared. She would also tell me stories about ghosts she’d seen in our house (apparently) and that she had been to a psychic who had told her she was haunted by the ghost of her aborted child from before I was born. My mom would then get annoyed at me because I was terrified at being left home alone so she could go to the takeaway etc and I followed her about the house because I was so frightened, which just angered her even more.

but the thing that still annoys me- her and her friends were going to an event with really well known horror mazes (the saw maze at Thorpe park). My mom lied about my age to the person there who just let me in and my mom told me it wouldn’t be scary (I knew her and her friends wanted to go in and she would be furious if I was too scared and stopped her, so i just pretended I wanted to go in). It was utterly horrendous. I remember there was blood everywhere, people on chains, and someone dressed up in a pig mask. It was so gruesome and scary and I remember we had to walk one behind each other in a chain through the maze and I could barely walk I was so scared. Obviously it was just actors but they would approach you (no contact obviously) and I was 11/12 and it was terrifying and I had a panic attack in the middle of it and broke down crying and couldn’t breath- my mom started shouting at me and telling me to grow the f up and one of the actors actually broke character to check I was ok and walk me out the emergency exit. My mom carried on the maze and I waited outside sobbing myself until she came back out and she was furious with me for being such a baby and ruining everything and embarrassing her in front of her friends. I knew it wasn’t real but it was terrifying and I felt like I couldn’t breath because I was so scared.

im an adult now and very little contact with my mom, and like I said I don’t really think about it anymore but my mom was recently laughing about how much of a scared baby I was in my childhood and she laughed about the saw maze in particular. AIBU to think most parents wouldn’t have exposed their kid to that? Or was it a sort of normal thing and I was just particularly sensitive as a kid?

Well you definitely should have had the opportunity to remove yourself from it.

What I mean by wearing is there are times where parents have human failings. Do you think she got pleasure from seeing your distress? Probably not, she maybe just hoped you would enjoy the same things she did, and got it badly wrong.
If you were able to speak honestly and seriously to one another about it, what would she say.
You might say- “I feel my mother was oblivious to my distress, and possible took pleasure in escalating it”.
What would she say?

Not read the whole thread but I have read the OP.
Tobeannoyedatthis · Today 11:45
your mother was extremely neglectful and I think what you describe is abusive of you.
I hope you can get some kind of support/therapy. It is also ok to cut your mum out of your life completely for as long as you need to, it does not mean you do not love her it means you want to heal yourself which you are absolutely right to do.

Yeah she was 20 when she had me so young,
to be honest I cut off most contact with her apart from occasional texts (merry Christmas etc) because there’s other problems from when I was younger (much worse than this) and she refuses to ever acknowledge or apologise and I realised I’m never going to get closure so best to have nothing more to do with her because it’s just upsetting and it’s not ever going to change. When we would argue and she would say I don’t make any effort in our relationship I would say it’s because of x y z in my childhood and she would call me crazy, tell me I was a negative spiteful little bitch for bringing up the past or she would tell me I was mentally insane and she was going to call the police because she was ‘concerned’ about my mental health and she felt I needed to be sectioned. She’s never going to acknowledge or apologise the things she’s done

it pains to admit it because she’s my mom and I’ll always love her but she has a really nasty side on her when things don’t go her way

Your mum abused you. She put her needs before yours. Totally irresponsible and unacceptable behaviour.

@118Piccolinos
Are you the op's "D"M?
I've read some drivel on MN over the years but you took the biscuit there.

OP, given your last post, I’d cut contact with her altogether.
She sounds like a really nasty piece of work. I’m sorry you went through what you did x

No that's not a normal childhood experience. Your mother was an abusive bitch and totally unfit to be a mother.

Oh goodness, you are so far from being unreasonable here that you're probably the least unreasonable person who has ever asked AIBU on MN. I feel so sorry that you were forced through all of that, I would have been terrified too. Your mother and her friends sound utterly sadistic and its absolutely no wonder you're low contact with her now.

she was cruel esp the scary maze. I'm sorry, you were not a 'baby' you were a child and children aren't supposed to watch shit like that, that's why there are age restrictions on movies ffs.

I think your mother is a very childish person herself to do that to her own young child. It shows deep immaturity and frankly a mean streak.

Some adults, myself included, can't handle horror at all, I can't imagine being forced to watch this kind of stuff as a child!

OMG this has made me so angry OP. You poor thing, I can hardly believe what I have just read. Your mother is an absolute disgrace to have done that to you and a total failure as a parent and as an empathetic human being. You should NEVER have been exposed to stuff like that as a child, EVER. I'm sorry but your mother is a stupid, selfish, vile excuse for a human being. And her young age is totally irrelevant - my own mum got pregnant with me at 18, so an even younger mum than yours, and she was nothing but warm, nurturing and caring - and within 4 years she had three of us to look after but was endlessly patient and loving, always put us first. Your mother doesn't deserve another second of your time, she is uncaring and selfish and you deserved so much better than her. And this has totally put me off taking DD14 to Thorpe Park btw, just yuck.

That is child abuse. I’m so sorry this happened to you. These films and experiences have an 18 rating for a reason, way too scary for kids (and plenty of adults too). She’s still being awful to you by laughing at you when talking about it.

I'm furious for you OP. Any kind of mother would not put their child through this. Yes some people enjoy horror and can brush it off, but others (me included) cannot cope with it and should not be subjected to it. My idiot husband sometimes wears an IT t shirt around the house and I hate it. I can't look at it, and he knows that, yet he still insists on wearing it. The fact that we have kids who are also quite sensitive doesn't even stop him. Both your mother and him are idiots, so please don't think you're being oversensitive or anything, you definitely are not. No, it is not a normal childhood OP.

Awful parenting. She put her wants about your needs.

But then I've never really understood why so many people think it is a bad thing that parenting in general is more child-centred these days.

Your mum sounds bizarre!!!! Why would she want her child hanging out with her and her mates?! If I was having friends over for movie night, my children would be in bed and teens would be in another room and told not to disturb! Who wants their child to be “sociable” with their friends? Really odd. I would imagine at 11/12/13 you could just leave the room though? Say you had homework to do?
But before that, yes I think she sounds abusive and as I said, really quite an odd parent.

She sounds like several of my friends who had kids young. They used to pull the most immature shit when trying to live like teens while they had a baby. I remember two of my friends brought their toddlers over to a Halloween party where the rest of us (15-17) were going to watch Saw etc & even argued with the parents of the guy hosting when they kicked them out. None of my friends who had kids before 18 remain in contact with their children unsurprisingly.

I'm so sorry OP. Your mum sounds like a horrible bully and really immature too. I wonder if she had a difficult childhood herself. I hope you're starting to heal and am glad to hear you don't see much of her.

I don’t know if you saw (it was in a comment, not in the OP) but I couldn’t really do that or she would just get more angry at me.

yeah I agree it was bizarre, I don’t know why she wanted me there, I think part of it was maybe so she could tell herself she was including me and spending time with me and being a good mom, I honestly don’t know x

I think it might help you to stop trying to find out what's 'normal', and think that people who love you respect your feelings, instead. That will help you to define what was damaging to you in your childhood, rather than basing it on something external to you, like 'normality'. For example, taking your child to your friend's house who has a dog isn't abusive, but if your child was badly hurt in the past by a dog, and was terrified to go to that house, persistently forcing your child to spend time there could be considered abusive.

This isn't about normal. This is about your feelings being disrespected and dismissed, on a regular basis, by an adult who was supposed to be responsible for your well-being.

My mum used to force me to watch scary shows with her like afterlife or those documentary type things about paranormal encounters. I used to get really scared but “it was our Friday night thing”

Your mum was utterly abusive and you probably realise that you would never treat a child that way yourself. I'm so sorry you went through that.
Please ignore the Piccolino, there is no way you were responsible at 13, you'd just had 6 years of psychological abuse and were a trembling wreck! You must want to go back and give younger you a huge hug, as do I. Some people were not cut out to be parents, mine were similar!
I really recommend getting some counselling/CBT and being really really kind to yourself, no way on gods green earth did you do anything to deserve that and you were not and are not a wuss, if anything you are incredibly STRONG! xx

I had an older brother who used to 'dare' me to watch Hammer House of Horror with him (it was the 70s!) Id agree because I didn't want to be called a baby and teased (I was primary school age at the time) but they used to scare me rigid and I can still remember many of them now, and the feelings I had watching them, the terror that stayed with me afterwards.

They were hammy tv shows, a joke compared to the stuff you were exposed to OP. And it was my brother who instigated it - the person who always teased me, not someone I looked to for love and care and guidance, the person who I built the foundations of my world upon or who was supposed to show me how to trust and feel safe with others.

I am so sorry for what you went through and I hope you have found good people to love you properly since.

This is so far from normal I don't know how to express it.

I saw a useful piece of advice on MN… “The accusations are admissions”
Crazy, negative, spiteful- that’s who she is.

It sounds like you live the idea of her- but not the actual person.

No that's not normal and sounds very abusive. I couldn't ever imagine putting my children through that. Re. The movie nights at home - she could have tucked you up in bed, before going back downstairs to sit with her friends for the scary movies, no need for you to have to sit through it so, to me, it sounds very deliberate that she has put you through that and plus making you go to the saw maze. Her friends are no better, that none of them spoke up and said it's not right forcing you to see that stuff. So sorry you had to go through all that.

I'm sorry your mother is a selfish, abusive fruitcake. I hope you can go NC with her.