Was this a normal childhood experience?

[Tobeannoyedatthis]

Just wondered if I’m being a bit sensitive about this! It happened years ago and I don’t sit and think about it or dwell on it, but I was thinking about it recently because the parent in question (my mom) was laughing about it and joking about how scared I was and how big of a baby I was, and it sort of annoyed me because I don’t think I’m overreacting to be annoyed about it! But yeah just thought I’d ask for an outside opinion

my mom was generally not a great parent- it hurts to even admit that because I still love her so much but she really wasnt. Among other things, something i remember so clearly from my childhood was that her and her friends would have movie nights where they watched scary movies (the exorcist, scream, the ring etc etc) and because she couldn’t get rid of me, I had to stay and watch too. This was from when I was around 7 to 13. Maybe I was a bit of a baby but the movie’s absolutely terrified me, to the point I was paralysed with fear when trying to sleep because I was so scared. She would also tell me stories about ghosts she’d seen in our house (apparently) and that she had been to a psychic who had told her she was haunted by the ghost of her aborted child from before I was born. My mom would then get annoyed at me because I was terrified at being left home alone so she could go to the takeaway etc and I followed her about the house because I was so frightened, which just angered her even more.

but the thing that still annoys me- her and her friends were going to an event with really well known horror mazes (the saw maze at Thorpe park). My mom lied about my age to the person there who just let me in and my mom told me it wouldn’t be scary (I knew her and her friends wanted to go in and she would be furious if I was too scared and stopped her, so i just pretended I wanted to go in). It was utterly horrendous. I remember there was blood everywhere, people on chains, and someone dressed up in a pig mask. It was so gruesome and scary and I remember we had to walk one behind each other in a chain through the maze and I could barely walk I was so scared. Obviously it was just actors but they would approach you (no contact obviously) and I was 11/12 and it was terrifying and I had a panic attack in the middle of it and broke down crying and couldn’t breath- my mom started shouting at me and telling me to grow the f up and one of the actors actually broke character to check I was ok and walk me out the emergency exit. My mom carried on the maze and I waited outside sobbing myself until she came back out and she was furious with me for being such a baby and ruining everything and embarrassing her in front of her friends. I knew it wasn’t real but it was terrifying and I felt like I couldn’t breath because I was so scared.

im an adult now and very little contact with my mom, and like I said I don’t really think about it anymore but my mom was recently laughing about how much of a scared baby I was in my childhood and she laughed about the saw maze in particular. AIBU to think most parents wouldn’t have exposed their kid to that? Or was it a sort of normal thing and I was just particularly sensitive as a kid?

I was allowed to watch films with much older age ratings with friends from around the age of 10/11 and I think that was fairly common in the 90s although not great parenting IMO, but being forced to is abusive. If I had been frightened at a theme park my parents would have left the area with me.

Big hugs 🤗 op !
I think your mum at the age of 20 literally had no clue on how to be a parent tbh !
so she just had you there a little living doll so to speak and not really having the maturity to realise how her parenting would be affecting you in the future! It’s a real shame and it’s happening all the time !
what she has ended up doing is damaging you by her parenting there is no doubt about that , but I think she is in denial because in hers eyes she has brought u up the best way she could I think that’s a level of low intelligence. And because of this you will no doubt ever get her to accept responsibility for how she has brought u up !
The way forward I think is get some therapy or counselling go no contact with your mum I know u love her but think about “ does she love u “
And if u have children please please break the cycle xxxxx

I remember bring very young and the TV was showing the wizard of oz (I'm showing my age when I say it was on the black and white tv)

Neither my grandad or I where watching it-it was just on in the background

I caught sight of the witch and the flying monkeys and screamed the house down

My grandad rushed to turn it off with one hand and grabbed me with the other for a cuddle and to calm me down

That is good parenting-god I can still see the scene in my minds eye

Years and years later my (then both under 5) ds's where at their dad's

Same personalty as both our mums-you couldn't say 'stop' or 'I don't like this' or you'd cop a gobful of abuse and called names-they do what they wanted and fuck you if you didn't want to

He turned on and allowed them to watch Dr who (they liked the toys but had never watched it on tv)

I'm not joking when I say they where terrified and from then on,I had to leave the landing lights on all night,endless nightmares and rears at bedtime and if they had to go to the toilet by themselves-we had so many accidents because they where too frightened to go

Prat-dad didn't give a fuck and told me 'they wanted to watch it' (yes and they want to eat chocolate all day,never brush their teeth,choose their own bedtime and never go to school-it was my job to say 'nope,x is not happening-we are doing y') and that 'your bringing up soppy gay boys' (one did grow up to be gay,but I don't think dr who had an impact on that part of him)

They still talk about it over 14 years on-and both tell me they feel the same as you-its abuse

I'm so sorry it happened to you

It sounds like your mum was (and still is) quite immature, prioritising her own fun and friends over you when you were a child, and unable to handle criticism or admit her mistakes as a parent now. There are parental advisory and age restrictions for a reason, many children don't have the capacity to differentiate between fiction and reality until they're older (hence why early exposure to violence and porn is such a concern). I'm sorry your mum didn't shield you from disturbing films or experiences, it doesn't sound like she was very understanding or empathic and you have every right to feel angry, sad and hurt about it.

No, this isn't normal. She sounds like an absolute arsehole (even now) and I'd be considering going NC over LC. If she starts laughing again about you being scared tell her that it didn't help her being such a massive prick and shit parent. Challenge her. You are grown up now, you don't have to take this shit from her ever again. What's the worst she can do, have a go at you? So what, walk away and never speak to her again. I'm really sorry, some people are just crap parents.

Your mum has a very nasty side to her OP.
Glad you've cut most contact with her.

I went to a couple of "haunted houses" we called them- same as your experience. I buried my face into my friend's back and ran as fast as I could. There were chainsaws, actors grabbing, etc. Very loud and scary. My parents weren't involved, I was always with my friends family who had basically zero rules or boundaries. They also made me watch an awful horror movie where a man was skinned alive. I had symptoms of PTSD after that, didn't sleep or eat for a week, etc. I totally understand your experience. The fact it came from your own mother actually makes it a bit worse. I'm sorry that happened to you! Now that we are grown my friend looks back on our childhood shocked that her mother allowed those things, and would never expose her children to that. Same here. We're both very adverse to scary movies. My 13yo is interested in scary movies and I allow it but I'm really careful and go by the age ratings. I wouldn't let my kids do a haunted house. They can when they're grown! So no, I wouldn't call it normal, it can be very traumatizing, and you're not a baby.

I'm so sorry OP - I know first hand how difficult it is to realise that what your parents put you through was not normal under any circumstances. I'll never forget when my husband gently explained to me that no 'normal' parent uses the threat of 'I'll bang your heads together' and actually follows it through. Or the line 'don't answer the door its probably an axe murderer'... even now it feels like someone else's horrific life.

You don't actually have to do anything to confront your mum.... just go for as low contact as you can manage and remember that the child is never to blame when they have a rubbish parent - emotional abuse I think scars far worse than physical as an adult you often wonder if it's your fault in some way, or you were weak, or over reacting. It's not your fault. There's nothing funny in terrorising a child and the fact your mum laughs about it shows how messed up she is. She might have been doing her best but it wasn't good enough.

If you still struggle with it I have some techniques for dealing with fear of horror films (as in the late night fears not to cope with watching them)
I had nightmares about the ring from the ages of 15 until my mid thirties.

Definitely not normal, I’m sorry you had to go through this.
i wouldn’t even go through one of those haunted horror houses as an adult, let alone take a child.

I'm so sorry about your childhood, I also had a narcissist for a parent.

That is abusive. I know friends who as children watched horror films which they shouldn’t have watched as way too young (under 12/13) at the time were all full of bravado but also scared by it. One of my friends was similar to you, her mum was psychic and had premonitions, don’t think they had ghosts in the house.

I’m so sorry op, that sounds horrific. My eldest likes scary films and we watch them together sometimes when he asks, but if either one of us gets too scared we turn it off, no questions asked. I can’t understand the previous poster who was talking about resenting your kids for missing out on things. It’s literally part of the deal when you have kids that there are things you can’t do with them. Would she say the same thing if your mum dragged you round pubs and clubs til all hours while she drank? Doubt it. You did nothing wrong op, nothing to deserve that treatment from your mum. Don’t let her or anyone make you feel you deserved that xxx

I am so sorry this happened to you. It's abuse. I can see why you don't have much contact with her now.

This time of year must be horrible for you. Hope you're doing ok.

That's not normal, yanbu. When I was about 7 my local church/Sunday school showed us a film about how the devil would take our souls if we didn't believe in God and I was terrified for ages, I was scared to sleep because there was a part where a demon came through a partially open window to get a sleeping child. That was a one off by our church, I can't imagine how awful it would have been if my own mother had subjected me to horror time and again and then laughed at me, that is so so cruel.

Please don't listen to this nonsense, OP. Your mum was deliberately exposing you to stuff that she knew would scare you, at age 7 or age 13 this is abusive and not your fault. You were the child and your mum the adult, it wasn't your responsibility to remove yourself from the situation and it sounds like you wouldn't have been allowed to anyway as she wanted to make you feel scared.

Jesus Christ, OP. No, that's not normal, and it is abusive. I'm so sorry you had that childhood. If you are in a position to have some counselling or therapy, I'd strongly recommend it - it sounds like you have a lot to unpack there.

My mum had me when she was 21 and I had a very similar exposure to horror films from an in appropriately young age. Everything from Aliens to Predator, inappropriate TV (Eurotrash, etc.), and even books (Stephen King). It just wasn't on her radar at all, and if we were scared (siblings too), then we could go and cuddle her on the sofa. I had nightmares for a long time, from a very young age.

Now I am a mum and I won't let my nearly 6yo watch anything without checking the content first. He's barely seen any live action films, definitely not Marvel or Jurassic World type things that some of his peers are into. Some might think this is OTT, but we know from experience that you can't unsee something not intended for your age group.

I love my mum, but can see now that she was a very immature parent. Unfortunately, my sister lets her DDs watch anything and everything: Stranger Things, Walking Dead, etc. I can't believe it with our shared childhood experiences.

It's really poor of your mum to continue to think this was funny. Have you had a conversation with her to let her know your true feelings? Just to draw a line? I'd hope she'd apologise, but if she doesn't, she might at least stop laughing at those awful childhood memories. 💐

It sounds like the behaviour of a bullying teenage older sibling than a parent. Not normal at all.

Nothing about your post is normal. I don't even know what to say. I can't seem to wrap my head around a mother who could be so absolutely cruel.

Absolutely not normal. She was a really terrible mom in this aspect.

Your mother sounds horrible. Keep away from her.

That sounds horrific.

You may never get an apology or acknowledgement from her but that doesn't mean you can't achieve some closure yourself. Ultimately it's about what goes on in your head, which you have some agency over. It's not driven by actions she takes or doesn't take now, the power to move on is yours not hers. I know therapy is expensive per hour but even a handful of sessions could really help.

Christ on a bike as they say in here.

I can’t believe what I’ve read on here OP.
I am really really sorry for your childhood it does sound quite traumatic. 💐

And this is coming from someone watching very scary movies( like the exorcists and so on) at 12am alone and going off to bed at like 10-11yo happily). 🫣😅
But that was… MY CHOICE.

She deliberately exposed you to things that would scare you, even when you were very young, then laughed at you. That’s deliberate cruelty and absolutely not normal, it’s terrible parenting.

Jesus wept.

I am so sorry for you and what your mum made you endure. Unbelievable.

Childhood is meant to be safe. You're meant to feel protected. Not subjected to total fear like this.

Your mum was selfish and abusive. I'm not surprised you don't want contact.

How are you these days?