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Original poster

To ask to do a video call before a date?

59 replies

Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 22:30

Surely if online dating , it makes sense to do a video call first with someone before arranging an actual date?
Dates can be expensive and time consuming, especially for single parents, like me and I just figure the logical thing to do is organize a video call with someone before a date.
At least that way you will know from the comfort of your living room whether or not you fancy them rather than putting on a nice outfit, doing your make up, paying for petrol/bus fare into town and then food, only to realize within 20 mins that you don't fancy them and/or they are boring. Then your afternoon or evening is pretty much wasted.
I know we can see their photos before a date but photos can't show personality, sense of humor or mannerisms.
Would you be fine with it if someone wanted to do a video call before talking about arranging a date or would you find this offputting?

OP posts:
RandomButtons · 29/10/2023 22:51

Sounds perfectly sensible to me.

MrsMiagi · 29/10/2023 22:52

Always. No video call no date.

WhateverMate · 29/10/2023 22:52

I never understand why everyone doesn't do this as standard.

It would make catfishing impossible and also weed out those using photos taken years ago.

Livelifelaughter · 29/10/2023 23:20

Would hate this. Spend so much time on video calls and people aren't the same as in normal interactions. Also I wouldn't want someone to see my home and would think it's awkward to see a fake background. I think it's really killing the romance, way too business like for me.

PermanentTemporary · 29/10/2023 23:24

I did 3 video calls in a week with dp before our first date and they were great. Made the first date much better. So I completely agree.

Lala87 · 29/10/2023 23:26

I'd not like it and would find it awkward. I don't think you can really gauge chemistry or connection this way

Yellowcakestand · 29/10/2023 23:27

I was uncomfortable when DP asked me but it was fine and reasonable to ask

SpringboksSocks · 29/10/2023 23:34

I don’t really like video calls, but the last guy I met online seemed to be good to be true so I insisted on a quick one before we met because I couldn’t be arsed with a catfish situation. He was the real thing and we’re still together 🥰. I think it’s completely reasonable if it makes you more comfortable.

HoHoHoliday · 29/10/2023 23:38

No I would hate this. There is no chemistry on a video. Meeting in person and being in the presence of a real person is hugely different to a flat bland screen image. If someone insisted on a video call before going on a date with me then I'd cancel and think them shallow - I'd assume they were judging my appearance only.

Original poster
Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:38

I would actually be a bit put off if they didn't want to do a video call and just wanted to meet first instead.
If you don't fancy them on the video call then you're not going to fancy them on the actual date so to me it makes total sense to do a video call first.

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 29/10/2023 23:39

I would be fine with it, but I would not ask for a video call myself. I would find it awkward.
I agree with some previous posters, it's hard to tell how someone is from a video call.

UsingChangeofName · 29/10/2023 23:39

I'll agree it sounds logical, but since when has romance got to do with logic ?

'Chemistry' with another person is much more difficult to define than an objective, business like interview.

So it's a no from me.

RantyAnty · 29/10/2023 23:41

Of course. It's another way to weed out people.

Just do one and then meet up if you're still interested.

Original poster
Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:41

@HoHoHoliday but the whole purpose of a video call is to not just go by their photo, it's to see if there's a natural chemistry, to hear their laugh/voice etc , see if they make us laugh etc, to see if there are awkward silences etc. To me a video call is actually trying to look beyond their looks

OP posts:
spookehtooth · 29/10/2023 23:42

I've only done it once before, and might be doing it again with someone I'm talking to currently.

It's not something I look to do. Usually just look to meet, or a few phone calls before meeting. I don't mind doing a video call if asked, seems a minor concession if I'm interested

MaisyMoo2022 · 29/10/2023 23:44

No, I wouldn't be up for that at all.

SkaneTos · 29/10/2023 23:45

Natural chemistry on a video call?

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 23:45

I wouldn’t suggest it because I do so many bloody zooms - but if someone wanted to then fine.

HoHoHoliday · 29/10/2023 23:47

Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:41

@HoHoHoliday but the whole purpose of a video call is to not just go by their photo, it's to see if there's a natural chemistry, to hear their laugh/voice etc , see if they make us laugh etc, to see if there are awkward silences etc. To me a video call is actually trying to look beyond their looks

But there won't be any natural chemistry on a video call, it's not a natural situation. You are alone, sitting staring at a screen, the other person is alone staring at a screen. Chemistry comes from a person's energy, you can't get that unless you are physically with them. What's wrong with an occasional awkward silence on a date? You don't need to fill every quiet gap. A first date doesn't need to be expensive either. Go for a coffee with them, or go for a walk. Just spend an hour with them, you'll get so much more than a video call.

ichundich · 29/10/2023 23:48

Seems very transactional and unnatural to me. I think I would never have found my husband via OLD.

Original poster
Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:49

@skanetos but if there's no chemistry on the video call, like if they have a weird voice or don't have much to say etc or you just don't fancy them physically then how can you expect there to be chemistry and fancy them on the date?

OP posts:
Original poster
Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:52

@HoHoHoliday yes I get what you're saying about energy etc, but say for example you go out on a date, you realize the person is boring , doesn't have much to say for themselves, you don't like their mannerisms or whatever , would it not have been better to find this out in a video call at home?

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 29/10/2023 23:56

Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:49

@skanetos but if there's no chemistry on the video call, like if they have a weird voice or don't have much to say etc or you just don't fancy them physically then how can you expect there to be chemistry and fancy them on the date?

Well, I don't think you really can tell much from a video call! Also there can be glitches in the sound, weird angles, etc. I don't think a video call version of someone is the best version.

I have sometimes had awkward video calls with friends and relatives that I know and love, but when we meet in real life everything is great! Because it is real life! It is different.

But I think it's great that you have found something that works for you!

Starseeking · 29/10/2023 23:58

I wouldn't be keen on a video call as an initial conversation, no. I'd prefer, and have had, phone calls with potential dates before meeting them. I'd suggest a phone call instead as I couldn't be arsed getting all dolled up for a video call lol

On one occasion I decided during the phone call with a match that I no longer wanted to meet him as he kept talking about how he had to have sex on the first date, which put me right off. I ended up having to block him as he wouldn't take no for an answer.

I did actually ask another guy who seemed like a catfish for a video call, as I suspected he was not who he said he was. I got a ream of abuse back for simply asking, and again had to block.

Linguist80 · 29/10/2023 23:59

Absolutely spot on. You should def do this

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