AIBU for putting boundaries in to place for what son can and can’t eat?

[Tyra2828]

Hello,
I am a single mum of 4 and I want to know if I’m being unreasonable. My eldest is an 8 year old boy who’s recently started eating like crazy. He has 3 meals a day which includes 3 eggs in to scrambled egg for breakfast with toast then has access to the “snack bowl” whenever he wants. The snack bowls consists of things like cereal bars, biscuits, crisps, cake bars, apples, frubes, bananas etc.

In the fridge I will have things like snack attacks, cheese strings, babybells, lunchables, muller corners, fruit winders etc. These things are reserved for their lunchboxes mainly although I don’t mind them occasionally having one but he pushes the limit and it leaves my other children getting none of the good stuff.

I also have (or had) a few bottles of lucozade in the cupboard because I drink a bottle during the Night Shift to keep me awake. He knows these are mine. Time and time again he’s been told that the lucozade isn’t to be touched, that he is allowed to get any snacks out of the snack bowl as he wishes without asking and if he wants something from the fridge he is to ask.

Tonight as I go to pack the lunches for tomorrow, so much has gone since this morning. I look in the cupboard and no lucozade. I ask him, he says no he hasn’t ate anything nor took the lucozade. I go up to his room and from today there are 4 empty dairylea dunkers, 2 empty snack attacks, 3 empty cheese strings, and 2 empty lunchables together with an empty bottle of lucoazde and half of one (all under his bed)

I mention to him that he shouldn’t be drinking my drinks and his response is “why do you get it but I don’t, I like it too” I told him off for eating everything he did today and mentioned he has unlimited access to the snack box if he’s hungry and he says “why would I eat what’s in there when there’s better things in the fridge”

I do feel a little bad but AIBU? He gets 3 meals a day, access to unlimited snacks during the day just prefers the other food because it’s “better” and will eat it until it runs out if I let him without considering his siblings then when that’s all gone he will go on to the other food that isn’t his first choice. In terms of the lucozade, I use that to stay awake during the night shifts and I appreciate he may like it but it’s the only specific food/drink item I buy for myself.

He isn’t over weight nor under weight, he’s just over 4 stone.

so AIBU?

Have you considered the possibility of an eating disorder?

Keep food under lock and key. Maybe get him checked out by gp

He's challenging you OP.

You have repeatedly told him not to drink your work lucozade but he did. What was his punishment?

He lied to your face about drinkng it. What was his punishment?

You told him repeatedly not to eat the lunchbox snacks but he did. What was his punishment?

He is eating piles of utter shit and that's not good for him. Even the snack bowl isn't healthy snacks.

Instead of making the conversation about the other children or your drinks, it could be about keeping him healthy and well.

Take away his access to the snack stuff, stop buying it all - and only have fruit and good healthy options available for him to take.

Aside from the amount of junk he's eating the cost alone must be sky high.

Can you keep the lunch snacks in the car boot? The dry items away from him?

Keep your drinks at work?

If he's hungry maybe increase his meal portions, fill him up with oats, higher fibre and higher protein foods?

Sounds like he's got an issue with higher salt and sugary snacks which are all yummy!

He has unlimited access to that snack bowl which has a lot of rubbish and processed foods I wouldn’t want my DC to have unlimited access to. The lunches sound similar. I expect it is difficult but these foods day in day out don’t sound great.

Is he hungry, if so bigger meals, in addition though boundaries and healthier options for all the kids. He shouldn’t be taking your lucozade but leave it somewhere he can’t access it until this is resolved.

I would just have fruit in the snack bowl. Anything else, maybe let each child have a lockable box and give each their share after you have done the shopping and when they have eaten what they have been given, no more. I think it is a bit sad though to have to lock food up, so I would probably just stop buying the treats and concentrate on more healthy options.

My children, even my older ones don't eat anything besides fruit with out asking! Giving them unlimited access to a snack bowl they would just eat everything!

You can't expect an 8yo to have that level of self control

Are his actual meals big enough?

I honestly don’t know what healthier options to include aside of fruit and vegetables which he doesn’t touch unless it’s the only option (like if I took away all the crisps, biscuits etc) my other children eat these all in moderation and will happily choose a banana over a cake but he will only eat fruit if it’s the last option and I don’t know what other healthy snacks there are other than fruit/veg.

His diet isn’t bad (aside from the snacks) for example today
Breakfast- scrambled eggs and toast
Lunch- Chicken pasta which was leftover with raw carrot and cucumber, an apple and a yoghurt.
Dinner- Roast chicken with potatoes vegetables and Yorkshire puddings

As I said, my other children may occasionally have a cheese string or a cake but typically will eat fruit over those options and most of the time they don’t eat over one snack a day, he just eats what he wants and lots of it.

I guess I need to stop buying junk as snacks but if I just got fruit and yoghurts (as I have in the past) he will just moan how he’s hungry and won’t touch anything else and then I feel mum guilt.

He isn’t over weight nor under weight, he’s just over 4 stone.

It's not all about weight. He's eating and drinking utter shit and far too much, too often.

Does he have any hobbies to distract him?

He is probably about to have a growth spurt so needs to eat more, but probably a bit less processed stuff so he gets more nutrients.

You could buy twice as much of the stuff he wants then he can snack and you still have enough for lunches

or you could stop buying that stuff altogether so if he is hungry his options are fruit/veg/cheese/toast/nuts/seeds etc

Just put bananas, apples, satsumas and mixed nuts in the snack bowl and bottles of iced water in the fridge for him.

That will satiate him much better than the processed stuff in there currently.

He goes to football 4 times a week and I’m constantly being told by my mum that I shouldn’t complain about what he’s eating because he needs the energy for sports so I really don’t know how to feel.

Ultra high processed foods make you hungrier. It changes the natural hunger impulse. This is not appropriate daily food for anyone- especially children

Op I honestly do not know how you can afford to buy all these snacks. You are the parent here - in charge of what your children consume and you are teaching them to eat rubbish. Stop buying it all, and then he won't be able to steal because that is what it is - stealing.
If there are no consequences for the theft then you are guilty of teaching him to steal because it's ok - mum does nothing.

For the food you need for lunchboxes etc get it under lock and key.

My son has had total free range over what he eats since he was about 4, with no ill effects. The exception being takeaways for financial reasons.

I guess I need to stop buying junk as snacks but if I just got fruit and yoghurts (as I have in the past) he will just moan how he’s hungry and won’t touch anything else and then I feel mum guilt.

But you should feel more mum guilt about enabling him to take unlimited amounts of processed, salty or sugary crap, surely? 🤦‍♀️
And more mum guilt about not parenting him, which regards to discipline?

This is why I’m conflicted and have posted, I am constantly being told by my family that it is not stealing because it is his house as well and that he should have access to any food he wants and that I shouldn’t limit his intake or lock away food.

I am shocked at what he's eating, both quality and quantity. That's a lot of processed calories, fat and salt for an 8 year old, never mind the sugar in the lucozade he stole. It's also expensive stuff, far more than fruit, veg and maybe bread and butter.
At 8 he should be asking if can have something to eat, not helping himself. He also needs to understand that adults can choose unhealthy choices, but as a child he needs to abide by his parents choices (for health really)

there should be a serious punishment for taking the lucozade - loss of computing time / devices for a few days or similar.

Keep fridge snacks in a hard-to-open box with 'do not take' stickers on and pre-warn him that there will be a punishment for taking without asking.

I’m conflicted and have posted, I am constantly being told by my family that it is not stealing because it is his house as well and that he should have access to any food he wants

You’re an adult. You need to tune out their nonsense, for your son’s sake.

I can buy that you might think they’re right that a child shouldn’t be restricted if they say they’re hungry. But you cannot believe they’re right that he should have access to any type of junk food you’ve filled the house with.

I would agree with your family about food in the fridge and generally in the cupboards- if it’s in the house it’s fair game- either buy enough lucozade for him as well or keep it somewhere else like the car or work or something (which would be healthier for him!)

Healthy snacks could be

oatcakes with nut butter or cheese
proper cheese rather than ultra processed versions
hummus with whole meal pitta or veg sticks
Nuts and seeds
natural yogurt with honey
homemade smoothies or milkshakes (in moderation)
wholemeal muffins
wholemeal toast with nut butter and fruit
unsweetened whole grain cereals with milk

Just stop buying UPF, processed snacks, suga,ry treats and other unhealthy foods. They are devoid of nutrition and really really bad for your health, plus they are addictive. I include fruit yoghurts and Lucosade as both are full of sugar.

If he'll only eat fruit and vegetables when there is nothing else - good. Buy lots of both and full-fat yoghurt and cottage cheese, as well as nuts.

Find a protein based snack to replace the Lucosade for your energy boost, such as a vegetable or fruit smoothie with protein powder.