AIBU for putting boundaries in to place for what son can and can’t eat?

[Tyra2828]

Hello,
I am a single mum of 4 and I want to know if I’m being unreasonable. My eldest is an 8 year old boy who’s recently started eating like crazy. He has 3 meals a day which includes 3 eggs in to scrambled egg for breakfast with toast then has access to the “snack bowl” whenever he wants. The snack bowls consists of things like cereal bars, biscuits, crisps, cake bars, apples, frubes, bananas etc.

In the fridge I will have things like snack attacks, cheese strings, babybells, lunchables, muller corners, fruit winders etc. These things are reserved for their lunchboxes mainly although I don’t mind them occasionally having one but he pushes the limit and it leaves my other children getting none of the good stuff.

I also have (or had) a few bottles of lucozade in the cupboard because I drink a bottle during the Night Shift to keep me awake. He knows these are mine. Time and time again he’s been told that the lucozade isn’t to be touched, that he is allowed to get any snacks out of the snack bowl as he wishes without asking and if he wants something from the fridge he is to ask.

Tonight as I go to pack the lunches for tomorrow, so much has gone since this morning. I look in the cupboard and no lucozade. I ask him, he says no he hasn’t ate anything nor took the lucozade. I go up to his room and from today there are 4 empty dairylea dunkers, 2 empty snack attacks, 3 empty cheese strings, and 2 empty lunchables together with an empty bottle of lucoazde and half of one (all under his bed)

I mention to him that he shouldn’t be drinking my drinks and his response is “why do you get it but I don’t, I like it too” I told him off for eating everything he did today and mentioned he has unlimited access to the snack box if he’s hungry and he says “why would I eat what’s in there when there’s better things in the fridge”

I do feel a little bad but AIBU? He gets 3 meals a day, access to unlimited snacks during the day just prefers the other food because it’s “better” and will eat it until it runs out if I let him without considering his siblings then when that’s all gone he will go on to the other food that isn’t his first choice. In terms of the lucozade, I use that to stay awake during the night shifts and I appreciate he may like it but it’s the only specific food/drink item I buy for myself.

He isn’t over weight nor under weight, he’s just over 4 stone.

so AIBU?

OP I would talk to a GP or dietician to rule out an eating disorder or compulsive eating issue before taking any of the advice on here. If he's struggling then it could be a harmful time to introduce shame (locks, punishment, restrictions all casually mentioned already on this thread) around food.

If he has access to fruit, vegetables, nuts, yogurt and whole grain bread- then you should feel no mum guilt at all if he complains he is hungry. A genuinely hungry person would eat the food available. Tell him that.

It's more likely he (and to some extent you) are confusing 'hunger' with 'appetite' which are very different.

I agree he has a lot of sugar and processed foods available and you should scale that back over time and steer him towards nutritious foods that will fill him up.

OP, please ignore the he's a thief, lock up your food brigade, do not take stickers! I have heard it all now

Is he refueling after football( with fruit and non processed stuff)? Reduce the amount of processed snacks.

By all means, give him a small punishment for taking the lucozade, but also get to the bottom of why he's doing it. growth spurt, boredom?, insufficient calories from main meals- are portions big enough, bulk up with veg.

Talk to him. communication is key. good luck!

it is his house as well and that he should have access to any food he wants and that I shouldn’t limit his intake or lock away food.

He's 8!! He doesn't get access to anything he wants. Food or otherwise.

You need clear boundaries around his behaviour.

And some less processed snacks.. toast with peanut butter or houmous, bananas, nuts...

The lying would upset me. Lock up the lucozade and sanction him. You are not giving him healthy options. I would stop buying the processed rubbish.

He knows the Lucozade is yours and he still takes it. There are no boundaries here. You know he gets enough to eat and stealing all the snacks is wrong of him. Your mum is not helping here because this is not about nutrition - it's about his behaviour.
Boundaries. He has none. You have to get strong here and set boundaries in place because where will this end?

Seriously?!!
So if her 8yo sees 4 sirloin steaks planned for tomorrow night’s dinner, he can just grill those all up for himself today? 🤨
Of course it’s not “fair game”.
If you are told to ask - you ask.
If you are told - this is not for you - you don’t take it.

Keep the Lucozade in your car or your bedroom or in a locked cupboard. Quit buying all the snacks and replace them with healthier alternatives. It's the sugar he is addicted to by the sound of it

Boys can put away a phenomenal amount from about age 8…he’s needing to eat protein rich foods to satisfy his hunger rather than these rubbish snacks which don’t touch the sides

YABU because he’s 8 and you’re giving him unlimited access to junk food when he doesn’t yet possess the cognitive control to make the right choices. Of course he’s going to eat shit and then want more shit. You need to be a parent here and guide him.

"he will just moan how he’s hungry and won’t touch anything else and then I feel mum guilt."

He's got you trained. Stop buying junk, problem solved.

Agree with @Heyhoherewegoagain

Boys can put away a phenomenal amount from about age 8…he’s needing to eat protein rich foods to satisfy his hunger rather than these rubbish snacks which don’t touch the sides

You are laying down the foundation for ill health if you don't curb the sugar

OP is he getting big enough portions of main meals ? Taking into account the calories he’s burning playing football 4 times a week .

Children’s appetites really vary - my two sons have very different calorie needs .

As other posters have said - change the snacks . Our most popular snacks here are nut or oat based . Peanut butter and rice cakes or just handful of nuts and I make a batch of flapjacks or oat cookies each week

What happened to eating toast to fill up after school? Teach him to make toast or a sandwich, crumpets etc
All the snacks you buy are a bit expensive too.

Just have fruit and vegetables as snacks, so they can have as much as they like, no junk food. Bring treats home occasionally to be eaten by everyone as a treat but don't keep stocks of it.

If my son saw a steak for tomorrow’s dinner and wanted it for todays dinner instead that would be fine. I’d explain that tomorrow he will have to have something else 🤷‍♀️ I don’t care what days he eats a steak.

Why is all that crap available in a snack bowl? 3 scrambled eggs on toast is more than enough to see him through to lunch. I’d bin your lucozade habit too! You’ve made it seem desirable and off limits. It’s liquid sugar.

OP if he won’t touch other snacks, he ain’t hungry! He’s playing you. Carrot sticks/ tomatoes/ cucumber/apples or wait for lunch. He’s eating more than my 6ft 4 DH for breakfast!

Honestly this is one 8 year who runs the house. Why are you talking to him like another adult? He's taking his lead from you.

Set that boundary and you had better reassert bring head of the house.

That’s not what you said @Stupidnighty and it’s not what I asked.

If you planned 4 steaks for dinner tomorrow night, and your son cooked up all 4 for himself today - would that be OK, because, “if it’s in the house it’s fair game”? 🤨

Although this isn’t something that would happen in our house because we don’t buy things for specific people/days etc, and we very rarely have individual portions of stuff- we are enormous stews with leftovers frozen type people- packed lunches are not special food, they are leftover’s or whatever we have in.

But if I think ooo I fancy a bacon sandwich and get to the fridge and someone has eaten all the bacon then that’s fine- I buy more bacon or have something else.

OP you say he will eat fruit/ veg if there’s nothings else. You have the answer. You are causing the problem. Football x 4 doesn’t mean he needs to eat like that. People overestimate calories burnt through exercise. He physically won’t be able to eat too much fruit as it contains more fibre. UPF is designed to be just right and too easy to eat and it makes you want more. Real food doesn’t do that.

YANBU

Perhaps you need to get a lock to stop him if he’s not going to listen.

He does sound hungry though and I would perhaps include other snacks like cereal and sandwiches to actually fill him up.
Porridge would be ideal.
It sounds like these snacks aren’t actually filling him up.

Anyone would choose the nice snacks over the less nice ones.

I just feel really hungry so I went and raided the fridge and cupboards for something, after realising I have no junk in the house I decided to not get a snack.
So that proves I’m not actually hungry.

Why do you buy so much processed shit? Put fruit and nuts in the snack bowl. Make flapjacks (not particularly healthy but better than the boughten stuff) or muffins once a week. I don’t really understand the British obsession with snacks. If he’s that hungry he can have an apple or a slice of whole meal toast with peanut butter.

I’ve got a giant 18 year old and he doesn’t eat 2 dinners a day plus that many snacks. He was about 7 or 8 when he started thinking healthy re eating. I’ve never really bought those snack type foods - lunchables, frubes etc. - we get through cucumbers, carrots, peppers, easy peelers etc. he does like salted nuts but only a handful about twice a week and we do have small cakes, flapjacks, choc bars which he might have once or twice a week. Humous, sandwiches, beans on toast are lunches

Stop buying all the junk, it will be better for the whole family's health.Its completely unnecessary. Severe sanctions for stealing. Taking without permission is stealing.
Provide good filling main meals. Pudding an hour later as a treat after dinner.

The need for constant snacking of junk is the cause of so much ill health.
Previous generations with much more active lives didn't eat the crap as it wasn't available.
As children of the 70s, we had one home baked Victoria sponge to last the family the week. Crisps were a holiday treat, biscuits , rich tea or digestive on a Sunday morning elevenses..
Apples, oranges and pears were the everyday snacks. We certainly couldn't just help ourselves, we asked for them!