To want to give it all up at this point in life?

[j1j]

I’m 35, single, son who is 2 (dad never sees him). I currently earn 4K a month. It’s hard work. I used to enjoy working but it all feels too much since having ds. I don’t have much equity or savings, I could probably get together 280k cash for a new house without a mortgage. I’d almost certainly in bed in a two bed/terrace round here for that value, at the moment I’m in a big house and repayments are 950 a month. Whenever I go to do a shop it’s extortionate… I can’t afford butter or general condiments. Just sick of it all. Would it be silly to give up my job, take a much lower paid one part time and struggle the same as I am now but without a mortgage? So sort of swapping working for paying a bit mortgage and accepting I still won’t have much but at least I’m not chained to a stressful job day in day out? I feel like the future is just bleak. I used to really care about having a big home and paying into pension etc but actually I’m likely to receive enough inheritance (yes I know not guaranteed) to see me through and I just have no real desire to work so hard for effectively nothing. Has anyone made a similar decision? Is it short sighted? Feel a bit in a hole.

*big mortgage not bit

I would downsize then have the spare money to throw at things like a cleaner etc to ease the burden. Or perhaps a 9 day fortnight?

Lower paid work means less in your pension pot and potentially not being able to recover your career in the future.

You don’t have much equity or savings but could get together £280k? What planet are you on or was that a typo?

i mean, obviously the answer is to downsize to a nice but smaller home to have more money available but not working is rarely an option.

@RandomMess i just can’t be arsed with the stress of work when I’m still struggling and unable to buy basic food. I’d rather be in a low paid job and have no mortgage and struggle, in a job that isn’t working me to the bone. I really feel like giving up.

@TeenLifeMum i meant I don’t have the money to live in a house I’m in now without a mortgage. Obviously I would still have to work but I wouldn’t have to do this specific job, if you see what I mean

But you could buy a house without a mortgage for 280k? Could you not compromise and get a small mortgage if 280 doesn’t get much where you are? With one dc I’d go for a 2 bed cottage.

I would say that this is a very short term stage (feels like it goes on forever at the time) as once 3, childcare is subsidised with 30 hours free term time, then they start school and you just have breakfast and after school clubs. You’re in the expensive bit so hang on in there. Now my dc are at secondary they don’t have any childcare bills (although I’ve let them too far too many clubs and they do still cost me a a fortune - I have 3 though).

That said, think about what job you’ll love and consider moving to that. However, dc do change your perspective as to what is important.

@TeenLifeMum even if I borrowed 50k now it would still be big repayments, I have looked at this

@TeenLifeMum thanks, I’m massively struggling with the cost of everything and just feel permanently stressed as well, I hate it

Well life is short so I’d say go for the option that will improve your quality of life if you really hate your job.

It could be considered short sighted if childcare costs are the reason you are struggling because they will be lower once your child is at school although you’ll still have to pay for wraparound (I currently pay around £400 a month in after school care costs foe 2 school aged DC..). But if the job is draining and you will get an inheritance eventually, well you could tootle along in a lower paid less stressful job for now and live in a smaller house.

Very brave of you to mention your monthly salary though. There will be a few “boo boo OP, I survive on £50 a week” responses soon enough. No-one is allowed to complain about anything on MN if they earn more than the minimum wage.

Sounds like a good idea to me. I have a much smaller house than most people I know but it's big enough for us and more importantly, it means we're not killing ourselves trying to pay our mortgage. Why do you actually have a big house? Is it because you really want it or you feel you should really want it?

I think downsizing would be worth serious consideration, if it would significantly improve your quality of life.

Downsize - a nice house isn’t about the size. Find somewhere that’s smaller but makes your smile and feels like home (and cuts your bills). Find your new happy. Life goes in phases. Currently it’s tough (it’s tough with me too but for different reasons) but I know it’s just a phase and will pass.

@Eastie77Returns thanks. I’m automatically left with less than 2k after mortgage and childcare so no idea how anyone could think that’s a good position to be in!! It’s horrendously stressful and miserable and feels totally pointless

@Cappuccinfortwo im not sure. I think I wanted it? I got a good mortgage rate so thought I would stick with it while the going was good but actually, it’s bloody expensive still. It’s food costs and childcare and just, well, everything! I feel panicked every month and don’t know how I can be getting through thousands of pounds and yet I stood in Tesco earlier and literally had to put the butter back as I can’t afford it. @TeenLifeMum happy and cosy and smaller sounds perfect

Downsize- smaller homes, less bills, more money in your pocket.

When is ds3? That will really help when you get the 30 hours free (remember it’s term time only and often have to pay for food etc but it’ll be a significant reduction to childcare costs.

Can you also downsize the job rather than quit? 3 instead of 5 days? It looks quite well paid and your take home would be more than 60% due to tax. If you downsized the house and worked less your pressure would be hugely reduced.

So you have enough equity in your current house to buy a £280k house outright and be mortgage free?

If yes, do that! No point in paying through the nose for more space than you need. Keep your current job but maybe drop a day? That’s what I’d do. Keep career door open but get better balance.

A lot of people have no where near that. You are in a good position with £2k left after mortage and childcare. Everyone is entitled to a moan, but get your perspective right here.

I was reading your posts sympathetically as I know how hard it is with the costs of childcare but your last post saying you have no idea how anyone thinks 2k a month left after mortgage and childcare is a good position makes me think you are taking the piss.

2k is about a 30k salary so how can that not be a good position to be in? Surely after bills and food are paid for that still leaves you around a grand a month. Not too bad a position to be in.

I also don't understand what you mean about borrowing 50k leaving you destitute. Surely it's about £500 a month, at your age you can take it over a decent term after all.

You are in the middle of a really hard time cost wise paying for childcare. It womt be forever. In 2 years, your 950 mortgage will be easily manageable on a 4k income with only wraparound costs. So I would err on making big decisions based on a temporary situation. Once you give up your 4k job, you may find it hard to get back and tbh if you think that 4k is a struggle then I imagine you would be in for a shock on an actual low wage.

But that being said, I dont disagree in structuring your lifestyle to give you a better work life balance. But going part time in a well paid job would be my first strategy rather than a low paid job

I deliberately bought a flat in a nice area instead of a house for exactly this reason. Downsize, lose the mortgage and get a job that pays less but is also less stressful. However I have approx £1400 left after all outgoings (mortgage, bills, childcare and savings) so you saying that less 2K isn’t enough is a bit strange as that should be manageable. Food and petrol for each month have to come out of the £1400 too. For context I am a single parent with also 4K a month income.

Remember though that all bills and outgoing will still be expensive. So yes, you won’t be paying £950 a month on the mortgage but you will still have outgoings. Work out how much you need to earn to pay all bills, buy food and have things you want such as a car and a holiday. If you’re on 4K a month now then you have 3K left for other bills and living, if you get a lower paying job that brings in say 3K and you don’t have the mortgage you’re not actually in a better position. Plan it carefully.

Downsize. Also, have you got expensive car payments or other subscriptions you don't really need. Really go over everything and see what you can do without. 2k after mortgage and childcare with only an adult and child is a fair amount ( although I appreciate you are working very hard for this). If you can cut some costs would there be the possibility of even going part time?

2k after childcare and mortgage should be loads to live off comfortably. Do you have other massive outgoings or a lot of debt?
I would review spending, cut back if you can, and sit tight for now. A 2 year old is both demanding and expensive, and you’re probably running on empty as a single parent. Hang on and things will get easier, and you’ll keep your earning potential high.

Do you realise how little money the majority of people in this country live on op? £2k net to spend on food shopping would be some people’s dream life.

The fact that you could quite easily be a mortgage free home owner puts you in a very privileged group.

I think - unless I’ve totally misunderstood your op - you’ve lost all perspective on what constitutes rock bottom. Umming and ahhing over the cost of butter is not it.