To want to give it all up at this point in life?

[j1j]

I’m 35, single, son who is 2 (dad never sees him). I currently earn 4K a month. It’s hard work. I used to enjoy working but it all feels too much since having ds. I don’t have much equity or savings, I could probably get together 280k cash for a new house without a mortgage. I’d almost certainly in bed in a two bed/terrace round here for that value, at the moment I’m in a big house and repayments are 950 a month. Whenever I go to do a shop it’s extortionate… I can’t afford butter or general condiments. Just sick of it all. Would it be silly to give up my job, take a much lower paid one part time and struggle the same as I am now but without a mortgage? So sort of swapping working for paying a bit mortgage and accepting I still won’t have much but at least I’m not chained to a stressful job day in day out? I feel like the future is just bleak. I used to really care about having a big home and paying into pension etc but actually I’m likely to receive enough inheritance (yes I know not guaranteed) to see me through and I just have no real desire to work so hard for effectively nothing. Has anyone made a similar decision? Is it short sighted? Feel a bit in a hole.

How much does the father of your son pay? He can't just walk away.

I would definitely not give up your well paid job but can you get a similar job in another company which might improve things?

Each to their own, but I have two kids earn a little less than you and have mortgage payments more than yours. Do you know where your remaining 2k is being spent and are you ok with it? Also you will get help with funding soon for your 2 year old which will free up some more money.

You don't seem to understand that a lower paid job could be equally stressful and demanding - with the added stress of less money.

You don't seem to understand that a lower paid job could be equally stressful and demanding - with the added stress of less money.

Sorry - thought that didn't send!

None of it makes sense.

the OP says they earn £4K per month but also says they can't buy basic food.

that plus the thing about being able to raise £280K but has no savings or equity.

difficult not to question these statements....

My spare 2k a month mostly goes on debt repayments. This is why I have so little money.

In what parallel maths universe is almost £600 most of £2K? 🙄

Think carefully, you are having a tough time but I don't think fully quitting job and downsizing is the right option. You may meet someone soon who you could share the Financial burden with. Also think of your sons inheritance. I personally just think you will regret it.
Can you reduce your hours, or get a lodger? Extend your mortgage twrm to reduce your payments, or do air bnb?

OP, I think you’re panicked and stressed and so not in a good place. I get it.

If I were you I’d start a thread on Money Matters (or over on MSE) with a list of your full income and outgoings and all the details of your debts.

It sounds like you could downsize, pay off your debts, have more money to make life comfortable and less stressful as a single parent and still keep your career and pension, which you’ll appreciate in the future.

Good god, what are you spending on? I get PAID less than 2k and just about manage. If I had 2k left after rent I'd be jumping for joy.

So £2k after mortgage and childcare, minus £600 on debt, there’s still £1.4k to play with? I really don’t understand what you’re spending on or why you can’t afford butter!

Downsize if going mortgage-free means you can clear your debts and be less stressed about it all, but why change jobs and continue to struggle? Unless you’re planning more kids, could WFH one day and want a study, in which case stay and hold out for the 30 hours free childcare. But maybe also look at what you’re spending?

That is still a good bit of money if you have that much left!

That level of debts must be horrid to deal with.

Have you spoken to Stepchange to see if you can get interest frozen and monthly payments reduced?

You sound burnt out from the stress of it all.

I utterly love my current house, it’s literally my dream house but if my partner died or we split up that’s exactly what I’d do. Take my share of the equity, get somewhere mortgage free, smaller and manageable (like a terrace), ideally easy to heat, small garden, easy walk to transport links and also where kids can get themselves to and from school/ activities (appreciate yours is too young at the moment but try to future proof it). Also where we can all walk to a few shops. I think it’s the only way I’d survive being a single parent.

How big is your house? What would 280k buy in your area?

There’s more work in a bigger house, more cleaning, more gardening etc. Plus it costs more to heat. If you think you’d be happier with no/low mortgage then downsize to a smaller property.

After that I’d consider dropping a day at work maybe or looking for another job. Depends on your work and how stressful it is. Your childcare costs won’t be forever though and you seem well paid.

How long til the debts are paid off? With 4k a month income, even with debts, mortgage and childcare, you shouldn’t be struggling to afford basic groceries for yourself and a toddler!

OP I do think you should spreadsheet all your outgoings.

I've just done that off the back of this thread. I understand that the 2k isn't money in your pocket. It has to pay energy bills, council tax, insurances, upkeep on your house, petrol.

I agree with those saying downsize to reduce costs but keep the job. Spend on a cleaner and a weekly shopping delivery. Those two things kept me afloat when I was first left on my own with a 5 year old.

I know it's hard but the years go by and 20 years from now your son could be leaving home and you're staring down the barrel of a poverty stricken retirement.

My daughter now understands that I had to work and she appreciates our comfortable home and that I can afford to pay for private music tutors etc. If you can get over this difficult time you can build a nice life for your little family.