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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threats from ex husband about court

81 replies

AmyJahabee · 29/10/2023 17:18

So I split from husband 3 years ago. I have applied for financial settlement towards him and he emailed threatening and blackmailing say if I take this to court about financial settlement he will disclose that he helped proof read my university assignment basically trying to say if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t passed my course which is a lie and he would tell my employer ( I have been with them 8 years) and university ( I graduated 12 years ago) about proof reading some of assignments. I had trouble with the law when I was 19 and got cautioned and have never done anything wrong ( this is not on my records anymore, he also said he will tell them as I’m a bad person. During the marriage he abuse me verbally, emotionally and physically I call the police once and cancel the charges as I was scared. Should I forward his email to the court? Or just wait until he bring it up in court?

OP posts:
PurpleOrchid42 · 30/10/2023 10:25

Does he have any proof whatsoever that he proof read anything? If not, then when he mentions it in court, just say 'no you didn't'.

Blueggsandham · 30/10/2023 10:26

Go to court, it's really not the bad. Hopefully he will raise the face that he proud read your thesis to the judge so he can see what a dick he is.

Congrats on getting away from him.

artemis9 · 30/10/2023 10:29

AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 10:13

Thank you all for your help. My court for financial settlement is December. Today is the deadline for both me and him to provide financial statements I emailed mine to him and the court. Guess what he just email asking me for the mediation details that had contacted him previously in the past for us to sort things out between us and he didn’t want to know. Maybe he taught I wouldn’t take it to court as would be scared of his empty threats.

now that he asked for mediation contact details should I give it? But we have past that process and they don’t represent me anymore.

I would ignore him. You are not his PA and nor do you have time or inclination to be. If he wants to contact such people it's up to him to find them. (Mediation with an abuser is generally not helpful anyway, in my experience.) This is one of these messages you can simply ignore I think. (Eventually I 'blocked' my ex who was like this by email and had him on a separate phone that I cd just look at once a day during these heavy periods.)

seulement · 30/10/2023 10:31

I also have an abusive ex @AmyJahabee , and the best advice I can give you is not to engage. At all.

Send the financial stuff to the court as required, nothing else. Don't even discuss the mediation - he had his opportunity to engage with that but it's in the past and no longer relevant. Tell your HR your ex is threatening you. Tell your solicitor all of this so they have it on record.

And then look forward to the Financial Settlement being done and being able to get on with your life. He is still trying to control you but his options get more limited as time goes on, and eventually he will have no options at all and you will be free - look forward to that, it's a wonderful feeling!

seulement · 30/10/2023 10:35

Oh and the Financial Settlement process is only about finances, nothing else. The court will not be interested in anything other than what's on your financial disclosures, so you can happily ignore his threatening as that's all it is.

Newestname002 · 30/10/2023 10:41

He's really desperate to out a spike in your wheel, slow the whole process down (and give him extra time to hide assets maybe?), and continue to control you.

You've had some excellent advice here OP. Don't engage with him past the essentials you are doing for the court, and by all means give your solicitor and maybe Employer's HR department the heads up about the actions he's threatening.

Ensure all communication with him is in written form (take a screenshot of any WhatsApp messages he sends immediately you get them and save them in emails you send to your own email address, before he thinks about deleting them..)

I hope you a free of this numskull soon and. I'm sure that your future will be brighter without him in it. 🌹

Crumpleton · 30/10/2023 10:41

Haven't read all the posts OP so apologies if mentioned already.

Although works both ways remind him that if he doesn't do the financial settlement now you could be entitled to any winnings/windfalls/inheritance he may receive in the future.

Nicole1111 · 30/10/2023 10:43

As he loses control he will become increasingly desperate to gain it back and will likely become more abusive, like he has here, making threats and trying to manipulate you. Whatever you do you must stay on track with court. Disclose everything to your solicitor and ring a local domestic abuse charity to get yourself some support.

Loveandloveandlove · 30/10/2023 10:56

Even if he wrote your entire dissertation, how can he prove it? Just tell your employer he’s done lots of things to make you look bad because he is bitter about the divorce.

AllAboardTootToot · 30/10/2023 10:58

Blanca87 · 29/10/2023 17:33

Tell him to proof read this 🖕

😂😂😂😂😂😂

slashlover · 30/10/2023 11:10

I'm currently studying with the OU and they have explicitly said to get someone to proof read if we can. My friend has done it for me (and she knows zero about my coursework) to point out when something is poorly written or the odd incorrectly spelled word.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 12:42

I’m going to ignore him and will not reply as don’t think I would be breaking any law. The deadline is today to email the court, I have already send mine he hasn’t and is asking me about mediation details he wasn’t interested in the pass. I have a feeling he’s trying to delay the process to give him chance to hide assets and finance

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 30/10/2023 14:10

No don't engage. You've called his bluff and now he's like, shit. So now rather than file he's trying another angle to delay and get out of it.

You're not breaking any laws, you're doing what has been asked, you don't need to send him any details or worry about him. If he was interested he should have done it back then but he wasn't and he still isn't now. It's another load of nonsense.

He hasn't done anything because he thought he could wear your down.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 15:50

OMG! You all are right. He’s just emailed me and the court saying he’s got serious operation for coming this Friday and will take him time to recover so he can’t make the deadline to submit documents. He is asking to reschedule, can he do this last minute? I can’t believe he’s so disgusting, why say it now?

OP posts:
Original poster
AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 15:51

He hasn’t provided any evidence of hospital operations appointment as well. Just he’s email

OP posts:
LoneFemaleTraveller · 30/10/2023 15:52

But the deadline is today so an operation on friday should make no difference. Tell your solicitor he is hiding assets. Ask for proof of his operation.

Crumpleton · 30/10/2023 15:53

OP are you on FB or IG?
If so have a search for The Legal Queen and see if there's any info on there.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 15:53

I don’t have solicitor, can I email back and ask for him to provide prove of his operation?

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 30/10/2023 15:58

AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 15:51

He hasn’t provided any evidence of hospital operations appointment as well. Just he’s email

Unless it's a cancellation he'd have know about the scheduled date some time ago and had plenty of time to submit the information asked for.

I'd imagine the courts have heard it all, you've done all you were asked of so just ignore him like you say you've given him a bit of a shock by using your own mind and he's obviously pissed off that you have.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 16:01

@Crumpleton should I do nothing and leave it with court and him? I don’t have a solicitor to respond for me. It’s not a cancellation we were notified couple of months ago about everything

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 30/10/2023 16:04

I don’t know anyone who didn’t get someone to proofread their dissertation. It’s not like you turn in the paper with no one ever having given comments. Surely you discussed it with your advisor along the way.

Proofreading is neither illegal nor unethical. blackmail however is both.

Catsafterme · 30/10/2023 16:04

I would say let the courts deal with it, he's not your problem and he knows this. He will have to get the court to believe him.

I'm not sure how it works but I thought both parties had to agree to a delay, I could be wrong though. Should they contact you, they may not, just say how illogical it is that on the day he was due to submit he's suddenly got an operation and he would surely have known about that long before. Also that he's been threatening.

You are a party within court proceedings not the go to person to deal with it. All you need to worry about is yourself.

BMW6 · 30/10/2023 16:08

Well he's all kinds of stupid isn't he!

The Courts will have seen this twattery thousands of times OP.

Say nothing, let him keep digging his own grave.

Reugny · 30/10/2023 16:09

PurpleOrchid42 · 30/10/2023 10:25

Does he have any proof whatsoever that he proof read anything? If not, then when he mentions it in court, just say 'no you didn't'.

It really doesn't matter if he did.

I've proof read things for people and people have proof read things for me.

This includes essays, dissertations, applications, CVs, journal articles and books.

It is no really no big deal and expected.

Crumpleton · 30/10/2023 16:12

AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 16:01

@Crumpleton should I do nothing and leave it with court and him? I don’t have a solicitor to respond for me. It’s not a cancellation we were notified couple of months ago about everything

Edited

Sorry I meant if the operation date for Friday is a cancellation date he would've have known before hand, but if it wasn't he would have.

TBH I'd just leave it for now, you've done as asked and if he's missed the date that his doing.

Without a solicitor do you know what the next step is, as in if they accept his reason for not producing the info...or will you be informed that he missed the deadline?