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Original poster

Threats from ex husband about court

81 replies

AmyJahabee · 29/10/2023 17:18

So I split from husband 3 years ago. I have applied for financial settlement towards him and he emailed threatening and blackmailing say if I take this to court about financial settlement he will disclose that he helped proof read my university assignment basically trying to say if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t passed my course which is a lie and he would tell my employer ( I have been with them 8 years) and university ( I graduated 12 years ago) about proof reading some of assignments. I had trouble with the law when I was 19 and got cautioned and have never done anything wrong ( this is not on my records anymore, he also said he will tell them as I’m a bad person. During the marriage he abuse me verbally, emotionally and physically I call the police once and cancel the charges as I was scared. Should I forward his email to the court? Or just wait until he bring it up in court?

OP posts:
SuperSange · 29/10/2023 18:27

Blanca87 · 29/10/2023 17:33

Tell him to proof read this 🖕

🤣🤣🤣

Loverofoxbowlakes · 29/10/2023 18:39

Hibiscrubbed · 29/10/2023 18:17

”Have you actually just committed blackmail in writing and put your name to it? Hmm? I’ll see you in court.”

Please tell me he's done this via text message or email, yes?

Teaandbiscuits1234 · 29/10/2023 18:42

Proofreading isn’t illegal and I’m guessing he wasn’t an expert in the field you did your degree in anyway? Please don’t let this horrible man and his empty threats get in your head he is just trying to continue to have power over you

Galatine · 29/10/2023 18:48

So he's planning to bring up minor peccadilloes from your teenage and student years. They will hardly make you sound like a master criminal. but he's going to sound like the total wanker he so clearly is!

YellowRoses100 · 29/10/2023 18:52

What relevance does someone proof reading your university work have to do with financial divorce settlement? Does he even have evidence he did this. How will he prove this in court
??

I've worked in courts regarding situations around financial settlement meets and genuinely.no one will even care. The judge will laugh at him.

WyrdyGrob · 29/10/2023 18:53

Im dyslexic. The bloody university paid for me to have a professional proofreader

Littlegoth · 29/10/2023 18:56

I voted YABU for 2 reasons:

  1. I’m an ex high school English teacher and everyone asks me to proof read their essays. I do this happily! I’ve learned loads!
  2. My second career is in HR. If your ex husband contacted me to tell me what an awful person you are I would have massive concerns - for you. I would check you were ok and signpost you to any support we have available, our EAP etc.

FWIW I’ve just supported a relative through the court process. Her ex threatened to call my boss and tell her that I was abusing my position and using my education to help my cousin (he was upset because I was supporting my cousin by drafting and proof reading her statements to ensure she had covered everything she wanted to say, as well as attending court with her).

I gave my boss the heads up. Oh how we laughed about him, and what a dickhead he is. I agree - a quick email to HR just to flag he might call. It’s nice if we are aware - it just means we can have a stock response prepared to send him on his way to offyefuck x

poetryandwine · 29/10/2023 19:01

JungvsFreud · 29/10/2023 18:00

Hi OP, I’m a lecturer at a university and mark student assignments. Having someone else proofread read your work is not against our policy; this is something that we actively encourage as one can be “blind” to their typing errors. I have not heard of any university that would have an issue with proof reading.

Another academic here, OP. This.

I have occasionally done some proofreading of student work myself.

Please don’t worry about this. Stay strong.

fishonabicycle · 29/10/2023 19:03

Such a load of bollox - I proof read my stepdaughter's and sons university theses for them.

PonyPatter44 · 29/10/2023 19:08

In a previous job, we had trouble with a colleague's nasty exH. They were splitting up and he wasn't happy about it. He used to phone the office and tell whoever answered the phone what a horrible slut she was.... I was DESPERATE to answer the phone to the toady unhinged little shite and give him a piece of my mind. She was so upset about it, but not one of us thought badly of her because of it. The employer made sure she was all right and we took turns walking her out to her car to make sure he wasn't waiting for her.

He was just a sad inadequate little prick who couldn't accept that he didn't control her anymore.

nibblessquibbles · 29/10/2023 19:29

Just write back and say that if you lose your job then he'll end up paying more in maintenance!

In seriousness the PP are correct, this is just a non issue for divorce

Doyoumind · 29/10/2023 19:39

Let your solicitor know and ignore him. He would honestly get laughed out of court if he mentioned this but he won't. He won't even have the opportunity.

The fact that you don't realise he would come out of this looking far worse than you is evidence of what a job he's done on you. He's an absolute dick and anyone else can see this, trust me.

jadey1991 · 29/10/2023 19:47

Oh he is trying to scare you op. Don't listen to him. Take the emails u have and show ur solicitor

artemis9 · 29/10/2023 20:01

I think controlling exes do this and it's one thing after another to throw you from one emotional crisis to another. As others have said, the best thing you can do in such circumstances is not react and try not to let him make you worry. It's their way of continuing abuse. (Easier said than done I know but worth practising and it will get easier in time.) Years ago I had a period when I was in this situation I had a trusted someone read everything and tell me if I needed to respond rather than take the hit myself (or give it to my first solicitor who would then write a letter that cost me more!) Grey rock in the way forward and doing what you had already decided rather than letting him influence your decisions. He will thrash about for a bit when he can't believe you are following your own mind without him directing it, but eventually, get bored (or find a new partner to bother, unfortunately).

rockinginarockingchair · 29/10/2023 20:05

My ex said he was gonna take me to court my son was 2 months old at the time.
I told ex to do it see what happens.
My son is gonna be 21 next year not seen his dad or the court papers yet.

LoneFemaleTraveller · 29/10/2023 20:12

jadey1991 · 29/10/2023 19:47

Oh he is trying to scare you op. Don't listen to him. Take the emails u have and show ur solicitor

This.

There is nothing wrong with having your assignments proof read.

jadey1991 · 29/10/2023 21:30

LoneFemaleTraveller · 29/10/2023 20:12

This.

There is nothing wrong with having your assignments proof read.

Show quote history

Exactly, what he Is doing is emotional abuse.

Igmum · 30/10/2023 07:25

I'm a Russell Group professor. Your old uni won't care, proof reading is entirely legit and we actively encourage it. Let the court know and warn your HR department. He sounds like a really nasty man. Well done for escaping.

SapphOhNo · 30/10/2023 07:41

He's really grasping at straws.

You have some good advice here already.

  1. prewarn your HR department about vindictive ex
  2. retain the evidence of blackmail threats
  3. don't engage with ex directly. Let your solicitor
  4. push for a financial settlement

Good luck OP

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 10:13

Thank you all for your help. My court for financial settlement is December. Today is the deadline for both me and him to provide financial statements I emailed mine to him and the court. Guess what he just email asking me for the mediation details that had contacted him previously in the past for us to sort things out between us and he didn’t want to know. Maybe he taught I wouldn’t take it to court as would be scared of his empty threats.

now that he asked for mediation contact details should I give it? But we have past that process and they don’t represent me anymore.

OP posts:
Twillow · 30/10/2023 10:15
  1. I doubt he has any evidence
  2. Literally everyone gets their dissertation proof read.
  3. What a loser!
billyt · 30/10/2023 10:16

What.a.twat.

When my wife did her degree I not only proof-read but typed up her assignments (in the early days of laptop use when I found it helped me increase my typing speed - go figure, I'm old Grin)

Ignore the little loser OP

LlynTegid · 30/10/2023 10:22

I think given what he has done before today, court is the best option.

nibblessquibbles · 30/10/2023 10:23

AmyJahabee · 30/10/2023 10:13

Thank you all for your help. My court for financial settlement is December. Today is the deadline for both me and him to provide financial statements I emailed mine to him and the court. Guess what he just email asking me for the mediation details that had contacted him previously in the past for us to sort things out between us and he didn’t want to know. Maybe he taught I wouldn’t take it to court as would be scared of his empty threats.

now that he asked for mediation contact details should I give it? But we have past that process and they don’t represent me anymore.

Just write back and say you are no longer represented by that mediation service and you don't have their details any more

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 30/10/2023 10:24

Don't go back to mediation. He's abusive and wants to control you. He's never going to change.

Go to court. The judge will see right through him and his stupid threats and lies.

Don't be cowed by him, OP. You got this. You are a strong woman and you can do this.