Or is he? He says I'm mental

[AtACrossroads89]

Ok, so I live in a big city where I never see people vaping in bars. My bf lives 3 hours away in another UK town where vaping in pubs is not banned.
I have bad lungs and smoke and vaping clouds irritate my lungs.
When I'm in a pub in his town and see someone vaping I either move to another part of the pub or if that's not possible, I leave.
My bf says I'm being totally unreasonable, that I ruin every night out we go on, and my obsession with vaping is "mental".
We've been together a year and just before I met him I went through 6 months of ill health with my lungs. I have been much better since then.
Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for reading.

Why do you even have to ask this?. Love yourself more. I think you should be single for a while and build up your self Love.

Avoiding things that cause you physical harm is one of the least "mental" things you can do.

Is he "obsessed with" opening his eyes and looking for cars when he crosses the road?

Mongrels, yes, interesting. I think he and his wife had this amazing sex life so there was probably a huge physical attraction there, and then the kids came along. But he said that in the final few years the marriage was over and she wanted to divorce him.
Then he had a relationship that lasted a few years with a woman who really adored him, as I have done.

He said that ended because of her family "interfering". I imagine that was her family looking out for her best interests, which he didn't like.

He should be concerned for your welfare. He's also gaslighting you.

This story has really cheered me up. How lovely for your mum and her man.😊

Even if it was you (and I don't think it is) it doesn't matter.
He's behaving in a way that makes you unhappy. You deserve to be treated well, not made to feel like shit.

You're right, of course. I think the trouble is that hope is always the thing that dies last.

Seriously, they're so loved up it'd make you sick! But i'm so so so happy for her. My dad treated her dreadfully. For years. She deserves this life now. She's totally living it up and it's fabulous. She's so happy. That's all we ever wanted for her. You can get that too xxx

Besides the fact that he doesn’t care about your well-being, I think he’s weird to want to hang out in pubs where people are vaping. I initially thought he must be 25.

He sounds like such a prick.

Calls you mental for putting your health first and not his preferences.

Lies (I believe he is lying) that you gave people looks I.e tries to get you to think it's you with the problem

Tells you had a great sex life with his ex so he can lay the groundwork for manipulating you by comparing you to his ex.

Grade A twat.

I know, I even feel embarrassed writing it. I'm 57 and I still don't love myself enough to expect better. What I hold on to is that I was happily single before I met him, and I can be happy again.

I went on this lovely night out last night, a social event where I met new people, male and female. When chatting to the men ( I wasn't looking to pull!) I remember thinking afterwards, "Complete strangers were much nicer to me and much easier to talk to than my bf. What's wrong with this picture.?"

That is so wonderful to hear. How did they meet?

He lives in a village with only two pubs, so there isn't much other choice than to put up with the vaping if you want to go to a pub. Or go further afield.

She had a 'friend' that she met through my dad. The 'friend' was a total wagon, but she introduced Mum to the bridge club. And her now H. 'Friend' got thick when they got together. She's no longer a friend 😆

If you moving away from vapers 'ruins' every night out, then he' the one who is 'mental' he needs to get a grip and stop being so ridiculous (and nasty for calling you 'mental')

My evening would be ruined by having to stand near and breath in vape, the smell of it make me feel really sick, it is disgusting I wouldn't be able to enjoy a drink or any food if that smell was in the air. It is worse (in terms of stink) than actual cigarette smoke IMO.

If I had to spend three hours on the road to visit my boyfriend, I would want to do something more exciting than go to the pub every night.

Some friends can be a bit strange like that but I'm so glad it worked out well for your mum. Even better that she has something great in common with her hubby.

I imagine you have only heard his side of his past relationships OP - presenting himself as a sex god, adored and lusted after by his prior victims. You should feel so lucky! It's not the vapes making you breathless, its his animal magnesium, and heady anticipation of what is to be your's at the end of the night 🤮

Well, he is gorgeous. At least I think so. My sister doesn't though!

I swear to God, they're like teenagers! It's manky 😆 but so lovely to see. It's out there, you just have to go get it (and go to bridge club!)

Exactly! I like your username. Reminds me of a saying that I love: When a storm hits, all the birds try to fly away from it, except one. The eagle is the only bird that does not seek shelter but instead flies into the storm. It uses the storm's stronger winds and turbulence to fly higher.

And no, his company over a smoky pint isn't that ravishing anymore since he went into couch potato mode, ie. taking me for granted.

Aw, how lovely - who knew that something as erm... unglamorous...? as a bridge club could turn out to be so fortuitious!!. A friend of mine in her 50s met her guy at a running club and they are madly in love too! I guess it's never too late, eh.

Well, doesn't he sound like a peach.

You don't need someone like that in your life; currently it's your attitude towards vapes that is mental, down the line it'll be many more things.

Your friend is wrong. Be as rash as you can and ditch this nasty man asap.

I was married to someone who always put me down and constantly told me that I was wrong about everything. It eats away at you over time and destroys your self esteem. Took me years to value myself after my divorce.

Be kind to yourself and find someone who values and care for you.

I know! These things just creep up on you unexpectedly. I met my H at a football match, totally unexpected, but here we are 15 odd years later and a gorgeous daughter to show for it.