WIBU to just book a holiday

[HavingAnOffDAy]

So short back story, I have a close friend who has a DS of a similar age to my DC's.

We're both single mums & our DC's get on well so we often do things together - meals/days out/weekends away etc.

We all went on holiday abroad this year, to a AI resort, which I booked to go to with my DC & she booked into the same place when I told her about it a few weeks later.

We all had a lovely holiday, got on well etc etc & had a fab time.

She has asked if we would like to holiday together next summer, which we have said we'd love to, however when I've spoken to my DC (who'll be 13 & 17 next summer) and we've agreed we'd like to go somewhere we can be a bit more self sufficient & less resort based as we found the whole AI resort thing a bit cosseted & limiting in terms of evenings out, taking things at our own pace etc.

I'll add here that our resort was 24 hr AI, with plenty of bars & restaurants but it was still a bit formulaic & samey. I'm NOT knocking AI as it was great for the 3 of us when DC were younger but now they're older they like to be out in the wild a bit more 😂

Anyway, I've relayed all this to my friend, and said as my DD17 would like to take a friend next next summer we'd prefer to go somewhere on a self catering/B&B basis so we have the flexibility to take the days/evenings at our own pace & venture out a bit more.

Friend was fine with this, so I started looking for places to go, and sent her a few links etc. She came back saying she would have to go to a place that was at least 4 rated as DS was 'traumatised' staying at a 3 hotel with his dad for two nights when his return flight got cancelled this summer.

I was a bit 🤔but it's holiday, and I'm not suggesting we slum it anyway, so found some more 4*+ places & sent her the links to those. She came back saying she liked the look of one of them, and would have look for some more.

I explained to her that because DD is bringing a friend I don't have carte blanche on budget, and for that reason I'd like to get something booked soon. I'm also limited to the dates I can take DS away due to him going on holiday with his dad too.

This was about 3 weeks ago. I asked a week or so later if she'd had chance to look & she said she'd been busy with work but would look at the weekend. Last week she said the same...and now the holiday we BOTH liked the look of (or so I thought) has sold out.

I messaged to tell her & she again said she'd have a look herself....but I'm still waiting.

Would I be unreasonable to just book something that suits us (DD, DD's friend, and DS) and just left friend know?

Also going to add that I'm peri-menopausal & well aware that I can be irrational at times so am prepared to be told I need to chill a bit.

Oh, the *'s have made my type bold

Anyway that should read 4 ⭐ or 3 ⭐

Just tell her the are you have chosen and your accommodation.. She can find a more suitable place for her prince.. Meet up when you feel like it.

I think that's fine OP. Just send one last message saying "planning to book xyz (when you've found something) later today, let me know if you want me to add you to the booking" but making it clear you will go ahead anyway if she doesn't get back to you.

Tell her your going to book it, then do it. It's up to her then to sort herself out or not

Thank you

I'd normally just go ahead but she's been known to just 'cut off' for perceived slights in the past so I felt a bit unsure on this one.

Are her children a similar age? Tell her that you've missed out on one place and your eldest and their friend are pushing for you to book something. Come next year, they are adults and if she cuts people off, it's going to be inevitable because you can't suit just her.

Just go with your original choices, I'm sure they will be lovely and tell them if they want to come, they have to confirm now, as you want to book it. Plus presumably a 4 star hotel will bump up the cost? I bet they're not planning on paying all of the extra?

I don't have any time for people who claim to have to stay in at least a 4 star hotel or similar, because the rating is usually to do with facilities rather than how nice it is and generally related to things that most holidaymakers wouldn't notice or care about, like a computer in the corner of the reception area that is available to guests business centre or a 24 hour reception.

One of the nicest hotels with the best food we've stayed in was a 3 star. It was a bit of a risk because it was the cheapest hotel available by far for a last minute break but it was lovely.

Just book it and say: Hi xyz, as you know, we already missed out on Y at a good price, I have booked Z for my family + DD'S friend. It would be lovely if you are able to join us, however if not, I am sure we can make up for it with fun days out at another time."

I feel exactly the same about the ratings....they're often just based on facilities that don't make or break your holiday.

We spent years holidaying in an apartment my family owned in Spain. It definitely wouldn't have won any awards, and was careworn, needed ££ spending on it, but it was a fab base for a holiday & suited us down to the ground. My DC see that, and so aren't hung up on room decor etc. That's the type of holiday we want again. Relaxed.

This summer we stayed in a 5* resort, it was gorgeous, food & drinks on tap, spotless grounds, private beaches, great food choices etc. But actually what my DD16 missed was midnight races on the beach followed by ice creams, and people watching from the balcony eating crisps & deciding where to go to eat later. We didn't even have a balcony this year 😥

We are at a 5 star in Tenerife at the minute, it's lovely but not a patch on the 4 star we stayed at Lanzarote yesterday and I'm glad we didn't go AI as the food is repetitive and many of the drinks cost extra.

Find something that suits you give her this evening to get back to you and then just book it, prices are just going to go up.

Yes, just book. You have given her every opportunity. Last time she booked separately, after you had booked, so within reason there is nothing stopping her doing the same again.

If you want to keep her in the loop, then send her the details before you book but make it clear in the message that you all like this place and it's in your budget, and you will be booking this.

Just book OP and tell her where you’ve decided to go.
it’s up to her then to get herself organised.

I lost out on a holiday last year because my friend was so indecisive and by the time she’d finally got round to booking time off work, the holiday had gone up by over £150 per person.

It drives me mad when people think the world will end if they don’t stay 5 star. Ok if that’s your thing and you’ve got the budget but I’ve stayed in some lovely little family run places in Greece Spain and Portugal that are 2 or 3 star but are perfect for our needs - I prefer to eat out anyway so love the choice of bars and restaurants nearby.

And we got a last minute deal for a 3 star AI in Lanzarote last December. Ok the facilities were lacking if you wanted entertainment etc but the food was surprisingly good and we went out in after dinner anyway.

I’d give her a final message telling her you’re booking ‘XYZ’ tonight, and for her to tell you before then if she’s onboard, but if you’ve not heard by (suggest timeframe) that you’ll assume she’s a no, and book regardless as things are getting booked up fast etc etc and friends family are asking so they can get budgeting

She cannot argue with that, especially if you’ve sent a few warning shot messages across the boughs already lol

Traumatised at staying at a 3* hotel? Tell him to get into the real world and turn the news on! (Internally of course 😂)

I live in a tourist beach area in the caribbean. We have 50 plus resorts in each direction within 40 minutes. Star rating is not about the quality of towels or beds..it is based on ammenities here. Older resort with 6 restaurants.. many bars ..several pools, miniclub for the kiddos May WELL be listed at 5 stars even though the room is dated and without the free room service food. . A gorgeous resort with two restaurants no kids club but top notch rooms could be a 3 or 4 star. Go ahead and book. she can choose to follow or not.

Just book for yourself and your family. You're not a holiday selection service for your fussy friend.
And STOP STOP STOP saying you're irrational because of perimenopause. Menopause and "hormones" don't make women into emotional irrational idiots. It's another way that women's perfectly justified feelings get invalidated, just like "PMT" and "baby brain". Your friend is being a dick - it isn't your hormones making you think so!

I would let her know which one you are booking and send her a link and say you hope they can join you.

I wouldn’t wait any longer. I wonder if she is having second thoughts because you have invited other friends and it will change the dynamic.

This.

I also find it very strange that you feel tied when you are AI. There isn’t anything to stop you going out for meals and planning days out. We stayed AI this year and still managed to hire a car and eat wherever we went as did loads more people judging from how empty the car park was from 10am onwards…. . I’m baffled at the idea that you feel so tied to the resort’s mealtimes.

Book somewhere that's fits you. I think she's hoping you'll give in and go AI again.

Hate being strung by and held back like this!

You have given more than fair chance . Like others said, one laser text saying you booking by X this week so will be going ahead as do not want to loose out on more options. Done.

No friend can say that's unreasonable x

How times change. When I read AI I immediately thought Artificial Intelligence, not all-in.

Back to the thread. You've been more than reasonable, so press on, OP. I see your friend is touchy as well, so stand by for flak. You might as well please yourself.

Maybe do it like you did it before - less consultation and more what suits you. “Hello we’ve booked x on y dates hopefully see you there”. Leaves the ball in her court BUT you’ve chosen what suits you and your family. If she does great, if she doesn’t no drama.

Can you invite her over with the purpose of booking the holiday.

You're not being unreasonable but she sounds like the type to take offence so expect she will.

I learnt the hard way not to give some people too much time to agree to a holiday- a one week, reasonably priced holiday in a great hotel with good flights turned into a long weekend at a lesser hotel for nearly twice as much!

You've given your friend plenty of time, and options. This is your summer holiday with your children- find your holiday, book it and tell your friend that's when and where you're going, if she'd like to join she can make her own booking.