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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to just book a holiday

58 replies

HavingAnOffDAy · 27/10/2023 13:53

So short back story, I have a close friend who has a DS of a similar age to my DC's.

We're both single mums & our DC's get on well so we often do things together - meals/days out/weekends away etc.

We all went on holiday abroad this year, to a AI resort, which I booked to go to with my DC & she booked into the same place when I told her about it a few weeks later.

We all had a lovely holiday, got on well etc etc & had a fab time.

She has asked if we would like to holiday together next summer, which we have said we'd love to, however when I've spoken to my DC (who'll be 13 & 17 next summer) and we've agreed we'd like to go somewhere we can be a bit more self sufficient & less resort based as we found the whole AI resort thing a bit cosseted & limiting in terms of evenings out, taking things at our own pace etc.

I'll add here that our resort was 24 hr AI, with plenty of bars & restaurants but it was still a bit formulaic & samey. I'm NOT knocking AI as it was great for the 3 of us when DC were younger but now they're older they like to be out in the wild a bit more 😂

Anyway, I've relayed all this to my friend, and said as my DD17 would like to take a friend next next summer we'd prefer to go somewhere on a self catering/B&B basis so we have the flexibility to take the days/evenings at our own pace & venture out a bit more.

Friend was fine with this, so I started looking for places to go, and sent her a few links etc. She came back saying she would have to go to a place that was at least 4 rated as DS was 'traumatised' staying at a 3 hotel with his dad for two nights when his return flight got cancelled this summer.

I was a bit 🤔but it's holiday, and I'm not suggesting we slum it anyway, so found some more 4*+ places & sent her the links to those. She came back saying she liked the look of one of them, and would have look for some more.

I explained to her that because DD is bringing a friend I don't have carte blanche on budget, and for that reason I'd like to get something booked soon. I'm also limited to the dates I can take DS away due to him going on holiday with his dad too.

This was about 3 weeks ago. I asked a week or so later if she'd had chance to look & she said she'd been busy with work but would look at the weekend. Last week she said the same...and now the holiday we BOTH liked the look of (or so I thought) has sold out.

I messaged to tell her & she again said she'd have a look herself....but I'm still waiting.

Would I be unreasonable to just book something that suits us (DD, DD's friend, and DS) and just left friend know?

Also going to add that I'm peri-menopausal & well aware that I can be irrational at times so am prepared to be told I need to chill a bit.

OP posts:
stichguru · 29/10/2023 22:14

No you wouldn't be the AH to book for your family separately. However I would give her expressed warning you will be doing this. "Hi X I really think resort/accommodation would suit our needs. I think we should get it booked by (date a couple of days in the future). Do you still want to come too? If so, are you happy to get go for ?" That means your friend knows that if she still REALLY wants to come, she must focus her attention on booking the holiday, and tell you, and suggest a concrete alternative if she really doesn't like your suggestion. If she would like to come, but there's a good reason why she is being disorganised she can be explicit about when she could do things. (e.g. she's been really unwell, but is on the mend now so will get on it next week). If she doesn't reply to that then book, but it would be unfair to book if she simply isn't thinking it needs to be a priority yet!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/10/2023 22:15

HavingAnOffDAy · 27/10/2023 14:33

Thank you

I'd normally just go ahead but she's been known to just 'cut off' for perceived slights in the past so I felt a bit unsure on this one.

Omg I wouldn't risk a holiday with someone who does this'

whynotwhatknot · 29/10/2023 22:15

traumatised they need to grow up

MzHz · 29/10/2023 22:22

If the words “ds was traumatised” at a 3 star hotel for 2 nights in an emergency situation came out of my lips, I’d consider myself a failure as a parent to have birthed such a prick of an offspring

book the holiday you want and if she joins, she joins.

MzHz · 29/10/2023 22:23

HavingAnOffDAy · 27/10/2023 14:33

Thank you

I'd normally just go ahead but she's been known to just 'cut off' for perceived slights in the past so I felt a bit unsure on this one.

Now this is see as the very definition of Win/Win.

Imagwine · 29/10/2023 22:25

Tell her what you intend doing with a cut off point before you book it.

TeenLifeMum · 29/10/2023 22:30

rookiemere · 27/10/2023 16:21

We are at a 5 star in Tenerife at the minute, it's lovely but not a patch on the 4 star we stayed at Lanzarote yesterday and I'm glad we didn't go AI as the food is repetitive and many of the drinks cost extra.

Find something that suits you give her this evening to get back to you and then just book it, prices are just going to go up.

@rookiemere which hotel was it in Lanzarote you liked? I’m looking for next summer (sorry to derail the thread).

Coatsrus · 29/10/2023 22:32

“would have to go to a place that was at least 4 star rated as DS was 'traumatised' staying at a 3 star hotel”

Words fail me. Is this her and her son?

WIBU to just book a holiday
Luckyduc · 29/10/2023 23:32

I'd book a trip to Morocco or somewhere....sounds like the kids need abit of culture shock if they are traumatised by 3* hotels. I'd be making my kid sleep in a mud hut.
I'd go ahead and book. Tel her when it is ajd where you're going and leave it to her if she wants to join. Doesn't sound like she does

Original poster
HavingAnOffDAy · 30/10/2023 07:27

Coatsrus · 29/10/2023 22:32

“would have to go to a place that was at least 4 star rated as DS was 'traumatised' staying at a 3 star hotel”

Words fail me. Is this her and her son?

My DD and I laughingly refer to him as ‘Prince Name’ as my DD can’t believe how much he waited on, catered for, etc etc

He’s a really nice kid, but she seems to have made it her life’s mission to ensure he never experiences a second of discomfort, whether real or perceived.

OP posts:
Original poster
HavingAnOffDAy · 30/10/2023 07:29

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/10/2023 21:22

Book somewhere that's fits you. I think she's hoping you'll give in and go AI again.

I get this feeling too

OP posts:
Takoneko · 30/10/2023 07:41

Life is too short to spend with people that you have to walk on eggshells around who want everything their own way. I agree with everyone else, tell her where you’re going and then ask her if she wants to join.

She’s being ridiculous about the ratings too. 5* is about level of services and amenities not how nice the hotel is.

I have stayed in some really nice 3* boutique hotels.

I’d rule a hotel out because of poor traveller reviews but not because of the star rating.

ReviewingTheSituation · 30/10/2023 07:41

@Blackandwhitemakesgrey - I imagine the reason many people feel tied to their AI resort is that they've paid for it! If you have meals out, you're paying again for something you've already paid for.
I think it's odd to book AI and then eat elsewhere- you may as well book B&B if you plan to do that regularly.

rookiemere · 30/10/2023 07:43

@TeenLifeMum it's Seaside Los Jameos and was recommended by a mumsnetter.

Rooms were lovely, food excellent- lots of variety and restaurant sometimes had musicians or dancers so made it into an experience. Pool was heated and cocktails were good quality. If you went AI everything was included- whereas at the 5 star they had bizarre supplements for things like pepperoni on a pizza or certain cocktails.
Oh and spa access was included for over 16s whereas you had to pay for it at 5 star.

The only downside was that it's not a huge centre of activity and not that many restaurants and bars if you wanted to go out, hence going to Tenerife this time.

Blondebrunette1 · 30/10/2023 08:29

I'd pop her a message and say you're going to get something sorted and will let her know the details and if it suits her she can book later or somewhere nearby. It sounds to me like she probably prefers AI and that's why she's not committed or spoken about it before, hoping you'll do this and she doesn't have to go along with it, without her having to say it.x

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 30/10/2023 08:33

Hi friend, unfortunately I can't delay booking our holiday much longer due to availability and price, so I'm going to go ahead and book one we're very keen on and will send you the link.

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 30/10/2023 09:38

ReviewingTheSituation · 30/10/2023 07:41

@Blackandwhitemakesgrey - I imagine the reason many people feel tied to their AI resort is that they've paid for it! If you have meals out, you're paying again for something you've already paid for.
I think it's odd to book AI and then eat elsewhere- you may as well book B&B if you plan to do that regularly.

I do t think the point of AI is to stay in the hotel all the time or only venture out to explore your surroundings for limited periods. If that is the case you might as well stay at home!

hwaclanhdead · 30/10/2023 11:52

She sounds like she doesn't really want to go. Or maybe she wants to go AI.
I'd just message her saying something like you've decided to book such and such a place on such and such a date and you'll be booking it in the next couple of days before it gets sold out.
After all, this is basically what happened last year:
We all went on holiday abroad this year, to a AI resort, which I booked to go to with my DC & she booked into the same place when I told her about it a few weeks later

You booked independently, told her about it, she decided to book into the same place. No reason why the same thing can't happen again.
If she decides to take a hump about it, tough.

Libra24 · 30/10/2023 13:06

Of course it's not unreasonable to book your own holiday.
Just book it and tell her the details. Shes going to say she doesn't want to go there anyway. The only person who seems to care about you getting a holiday is you. So put her aside, sort yourself out and give her the info.
And she can find the AI resort nearby she clearly is after.
Totally agree this delaying is an attempt to get a different holiday sorted. Or she's changed her mind.
And if she cuts you off over this, she's outted herself as pathetic and you're better off!

PloddingAlong21 · 30/10/2023 15:21

Is there urgency in booking something right now? It isn’t a case that all amazing deals come out this far in advance at all. This is infact insanely early.

Most flight sales go on January (BA) and some in March.

Maybe your friend doesn’t sense the urgency in booking when she’s only just returned?

Maybe she can’t afford too as she’s just been on holiday and Christmas is round the corner?

What is the rush OP?

I don’t agree with others comments she delaying for a plan to get an AI. It’s likely because it’s still 10 months away.

PloddingAlong21 · 30/10/2023 15:25

@Blackandwhitemakesgrey the literal point of an AI is that - all inclusive, it includes everything so you don’t need to go anywhere else.

Why pay twice when food is there for you which you’ve already paid for?

rookiemere · 30/10/2023 16:00

I don't get why people think other friend doesn't want to go.

Some people like to get things booked early, others like @PloddingAlong21 have a more relaxed approach.

Generally though with package holidays on school holidays the dynamic pricing only ever pushes the price up, so booking asap makes sense.

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 30/10/2023 16:09

PloddingAlong21 · 30/10/2023 15:25

@Blackandwhitemakesgrey the literal point of an AI is that - all inclusive, it includes everything so you don’t need to go anywhere else.

Why pay twice when food is there for you which you’ve already paid for?

Why travel abroad if you intend to stay in the same place all the time?

AI is great for breakfasts and evening meals. It’s super when you have kids who like getting ice creams and juices. And it’s nice to have a glass or two of wine before you go to bed. It really doesn’t mean you have ho stay in it all the time. I can’t imagine a more dull holiday.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/10/2023 16:19

PloddingAlong21 · 30/10/2023 15:21

Is there urgency in booking something right now? It isn’t a case that all amazing deals come out this far in advance at all. This is infact insanely early.

Most flight sales go on January (BA) and some in March.

Maybe your friend doesn’t sense the urgency in booking when she’s only just returned?

Maybe she can’t afford too as she’s just been on holiday and Christmas is round the corner?

What is the rush OP?

I don’t agree with others comments she delaying for a plan to get an AI. It’s likely because it’s still 10 months away.

Edited

BA is not 'most flights'.

Jet2holidays is currently selling up to the end of October 2025. If you're on a budget and need to go in the school holidays, you need to book sooner rather than later.

Leaving it until a few months ahead is likely to mean you'll pay more for a worse holiday. Plus you only have to pay a small deposit this early, so don't have to pay it all until much nearer the date.

PloddingAlong21 · 30/10/2023 18:23

@Blackandwhitemakesgrey I don’t disagree with you but this is the view of the majority who do AI. It does feel wasteful when it’s there so that’s what keeps people there.