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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MiL fury, well actually I don't think I am!!!

70 replies

peacelily · 09/03/2008 19:58

I know there's loads of moaning about MiLs on here and it's hardly novel but I have to get this off my chest. Makes me sound like a right precious cow but I don't know if I give a s@@t right now TBH.

Afternoon spent with dhs inbred family, his Grandads 85th Birthday (actually he's the only ok one out of the lot of them)

MiL.....
Gives Fruitshoot to dd when she knows that we only give her water and sometimes apple/orange juice, yes I know it's precious but I'm her Mum and it's my decision. dd is 18m have to trick the offending drink from her and put up with her looking for it all pm and refusing her water!!!!!

Then.. tells me I "should" be starting potty training by now as she's telling us 2 seconds before when she wants a wee or a poo, she knows I'm going to give it a go when we get back from holidays in 3 weeks time but has to make a little jibe....

Shrieks "oi mummy she needs a nappy change she's done a poo here" whilst we're all singing happy birthday to Grandad and he's blowing out his candles.....I did reply that maybe she or either of her 2 sons could manage this.

Head about to explode, nearly crying when left....

OP posts:
DoubleBluff · 09/03/2008 19:59

I think you need to chill out.

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/03/2008 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
peacelily · 09/03/2008 20:01

This is the tip of the iceberg she's done loads of other stuff can't be bothered to go into it, straw that broke the camels back and all that

OP posts:
DoubleBluff · 09/03/2008 20:01

YABU.
and precious.

Lulumama · 09/03/2008 20:03

ok, it sounds irritating and annoying, but if it reduces you to tears then you need to take a step back.

you could have taken the froot shoot off her or diluted it with loads of water, lots of people have opinions on potty training .. pointing out a pooey nappy is not crime of the century

don;t sweat the small stuff, life is easier that way

WallOfSilence · 09/03/2008 20:06

It sounds like a normal enough day in my book.

Hulababy · 09/03/2008 20:06

Next time re the fruitshoot - open the bottle, pour it away and refill with water. Bet DD will drink the water then. For some reasn children just seem to love the little bottles much more than the drink itself.

stuffitllama · 09/03/2008 20:07

Peacelily.. little bit harsh so far on you I think.. that's an impressively subtle display of one-up-manship from your mil. And how much more annoying that there's nothing really really awful for you to complain about. So it does make you feel unreasonable for being angry! All done in the nicest possible way. And calling you "mummy" into the bargain.. a fine example of how to get under your DIL's skin and still be able to say "What me? but I didn't do anything!"

You have my sympathy. Keep plugging away doing things your way and when it all gets too much don't go round there. (Strongly advise you not to go round there when potty training..)

xx

TheFallenMadonna · 09/03/2008 20:07

Sounds like a MIL.

And I wouldn't suggest that anyone other DH might like to change a baby's nappy TBH.

Original poster
peacelily · 09/03/2008 20:08

If she doesn't want to change dds pooey nappies I wish she'd just be honest and say rather than goig on and on everytime about how she needs a nappy change.

Yes everyone does have opinions on potty training but it's the way she says things TBH.

My main issue with her is the way she monoplises dd doesn't give her any space, my Mum my sister and dds godmother have all commented on this. As none of them are so immature as to try to vy for dds attention they let it go, but MiL literally follows her around never lets her just play quietly by herself gives a running commentary on everything she does and picks her up at the slightest noise.

OP posts:
stuffitllama · 09/03/2008 20:10

I think you might have lost a bit of sympathy saying "inbred".

Lulumama · 09/03/2008 20:12

your options are to go round and just accept what she does

or have a talk with her and see if you can resolve things

or get your DH to talk to her

or not go round anymore

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/03/2008 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
peacelily · 09/03/2008 20:12

I would NEVER expect anyone else other than me or dh to change her nappies apart from the fact she's constantly going on and on about how she wants to look after her more and care for her more!!! She likes the playing and the cuddles but not the horrible nappies!!! If she says "right can I look after her for the afternoon whilst you get on with x" and I say "ok", it involves nappies!!!!

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 09/03/2008 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsruffallo · 09/03/2008 20:14

I don't see what's wrong with her telling you you ddd needs changing
The fruit shoot thing is a bore but you could subtley lose it once dd'd attention is elsewhere
The potty training suggestion sounds like she was trying to compliment your dd
She doesn't sopund unbearable to me, just like a normal grandmother
I guess it is more her manner that annoys you, and that is hard to convey on the net

B1977 · 09/03/2008 20:14

In peacelily's defence, think it was "immature" not "inbred"

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 09/03/2008 20:14

YABU.

But dinner is ready so I can not comment any further.

stuffitllama · 09/03/2008 20:15

no, it was dh's "inbred family"

anyway, whatever...

Original poster
peacelily · 09/03/2008 20:17

MMJ, we haven't asked her to care for dd she asks us, she wants to look after her on her own, it wasn't so much the fact that she didn't go and do it it's the fact she always reminds me not dh while in the next breath telling me how "lucky" I am to have a dh that "helps"

I'm afraid it was inbred I was being a B**ch, they just INFURIATE me

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 09/03/2008 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsruffallo · 09/03/2008 20:18

No B1977 it was inbred
YABU-Is it her first grandaughter?
I don't know what you are moaning about tbh, you dd is very lucky to have grandparents who are so keen to be involved with her

mrsruffallo · 09/03/2008 20:20

lots of older women inc my own mother tell me I am lucky that dp helps, it is because most of them had to do everything on their own

WallOfSilence · 09/03/2008 20:22

She really does sound like a normal grandmother to me.

In your OP you said she could have asked one of her 2 sons to change the nappy.. why should she?

Maybe she thinks only you want to change the nappy?

I understand how annoying family often are, but in MILs defence, she hasn't been outright rude to you, she hasn't slated your parenting & she doesn't step on your toes.

My mum give all the kids pringles & fruit shoots last week... even my sister, a hardened hippy & lover of all things organic, didn't comment as the kindness meant was evident.

Original poster
peacelily · 09/03/2008 20:22

Maybe it's just the way I operate unless something was out and out cruel I wouldn't dream of "offering" advice on diet and/or potty training to another Mum unless they asked me outright and then I'd try to give them the options not just how I've done things.

If another parent has dietry choices for their kids and I was with them I'd respect that whatever my own opinion was, I know my own Mums opinions differ from mine in some areas but she's never stuck her oar in, she's been respectful. Equally if dd soils her nappy when my Mum is there I go and do it because my Mum doesn't want to and yes it's my job. I'm happy for MiL to not want to do it, it's the pretending she's all hands on when she's not that drives me mad.

OP posts: