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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and outdoor light

92 replies

brightblueskies80 · 26/10/2023 18:51

We have an exterior light that is motion sensored.
Our neighbours (students) wave in front of the light to turn it on so that they can see their front door in the dark or put their bins out.
I think this is perfectly reasonable.
Husband thinks it's not theirs to use and that we shouldn't be paying for them to illuminate their front garden. He keeps turning the light off when they need it on.

AIBU to think this is incredibly tight and unnecessary?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 27/10/2023 09:48

Has he done other things like this? Tell us! What a stinge-bag!!

If it’s motion sensored, how can they take the bins out without moving.

Does he want them
to fall in the dark?

How MEAN!!!

HomeatRoseCottage · 27/10/2023 09:50

.

SinnerBoy · 27/10/2023 09:50

I could understand if they were doing it every two minutes, but once a week, to take the bins out...

ActDottie · 27/10/2023 09:57

I’d be annoyed by the neighbours too… but that’s only because I despise ours (they are horrible entitled hypocritical people) so if they did this I’d be annoyed. But I imagine in your situation with student neighbours who I didn’t really know and who are harmless I wouldn’t be too bothered.

AppleKatie · 27/10/2023 10:07

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 09:37

I did, yes

but thankfully my neighbour isn’t a mean spirited man rushing to turn off the light so aide me

I have this image of your husband doing this. But unlike the OP…. You’re watching gleefully from the bedroom window! 😂

Show quote history

Ohhh not content with the ridiculous personal attack on me now you’re doubling down on my husband 😂😂😂 who’s next my kids?

To be clear for anyone else not wanting to read through this silly argument, I am not condoning the OPs husbands behaviour or indeed aspiring to it 😂 merely questioning that this behaviour in isolation is probably not enough to LTB and warrants a teensy bit more probing as to his wider behaviour.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/10/2023 10:09

Bah, humbug.

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 10:38

MaryJanesonabreak · 27/10/2023 07:18

Meanypeg.

I love this! 😂

Maddy70 · 27/10/2023 10:57

He's a dick

TentChristmas · 27/10/2023 11:01

People often deflect: so this is the issue he’s getting angry about but maybe it’s the noise they make and this is something he can vent on?

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2023 11:05

Miserable git.

Unless they give you a lot of trouble with noise and mess, why would you do that?

longtompot · 27/10/2023 11:11

Ridiculous man. If it bothers him so much why doesn't he angle it in a way they can't do this?
But really, of all the things to be annoyed about this is so very petty. What does he do about cats walking past as they set ours off in the garden. Oh, and we have a shrub which sets off the one at the end of our garden (which can be a bit scary as I'm almost expecting to see someone out there in the dark).
Living next door to a student house, you'd think they'd give him more to complain about tbh.

Northernladdette · 27/10/2023 16:27

If he’s worried about the electric bill you can buy solar ones 😉

ohdamnitjanet · 27/10/2023 17:15

What a fucking twat

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 27/10/2023 17:19

Keroppi · 26/10/2023 19:37

Reminds me of my FIL who takes great delight in turning every single light off whenever we visited with the DC, even when they're babies/toddlers and ..need to see where they're walking..... When confronted, all he had to say for himself was how many lights were "left on" and how much he thought they cost to run 🙃 We stopped visiting.

When confronted, all he had to say for himself
You 'confronted' your FIL for turning lights off in his OWN home?! Then asked him what he had to say for himself? What appalling behaviour

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 17:21

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 27/10/2023 17:19

When confronted, all he had to say for himself
You 'confronted' your FIL for turning lights off in his OWN home?! Then asked him what he had to say for himself? What appalling behaviour

Show quote history

I missed that one @PabloandGustheGreySquirrels

@Keroppi seriously? Poor chap in his own home turning off lights and you have a show down with him and then refuse to return. Mind boggling

ImNotReallySpartacus · 27/10/2023 17:21

Presumably your household will not be participating in the annual ritual in which the front of your house is covered with flashing lights in primary colours and maybe a full-size illuminated reindeer.

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 27/10/2023 17:22

ImNotReallySpartacus · 27/10/2023 17:21

Presumably your household will not be participating in the annual ritual in which the front of your house is covered with flashing lights in primary colours and maybe a full-size illuminated reindeer.

You sound fun

Fionaville · 27/10/2023 18:10

As tight as a ducks arse. It's top level petty. It's not the way to live a happy life. Have a word!

FictionalCharacter · 27/10/2023 18:58

TentChristmas · 27/10/2023 11:01

People often deflect: so this is the issue he’s getting angry about but maybe it’s the noise they make and this is something he can vent on?

What noise? She hasn’t mentioned noise. Are you just assuming all students are noisy?

Mischance · 27/10/2023 19:04

Hell - that's one mean old git you are sharing your life with!!!

Lilibert456 · 27/10/2023 19:07

If you live next door to students and that is the only thing to complain about then count your blessings.

Keroppi · 27/10/2023 19:48

"When confronted, all he had to say for himself
You 'confronted' your FIL for turning lights off in his OWN home?! Then asked him what he had to say for himself? What appalling behaviour"

🤣 Top level MN dramatics

Yes, because it was clearly a spiteful control thing. And part of a wider pattern of controlling behaviour to us and by extension mil, who he was verbally abusive to in front of us. He'd spring up out of his chair to turn off lights when the DC were toddlers and young children, eg the stairs when they were going to toilet and portable nightlight we brought for sleepovers. Many times he would turn the bathroom light off (outside switch) and walk away.. There is only so many times that can be explained as force of habit.. Especially when you and DC preface every exit of room with "going to change nappy/toilet" !

But I wouldn't expect you to understand there was any deeper nuance or context in a short reply to a thread. My mistake 🥴

Keroppi · 27/10/2023 19:51

If you'd like to sit in your own home living as a Mole Person that's fine but don't invite other people or children over and expect them to.

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 19:59

🤣 Top level MN dramatics

the beautiful irony of this comment given your initial post 😂

Original poster
brightblueskies80 · 27/10/2023 20:03

We've lived next door to students for 10 years. They've all been fine and most have been friendly.

He's not this mean about other things. Will happily whack on the heating, get a takeaway etc.

I think this issue stems from 2 issues:

  • living alone since being a teenager and having to support himself. Perhaps some bitterness that no one did anything to help him.
  • having a tendency to fixate on small irritants including being triggered by having very heightened senses. He's bothered by seeing the light going off/getting lots of ring notifications, yet also anxious to check it as worries about his bike being nicked.
  • doesn't always read social norms correctly. Doesn't empathise easily but usually understands better when things are explained to him. I sometimes wonder if he's on the ASD spectrum somewhere.

He knows he can be a knob. We're opposites in many ways: introvert/extrovert, selfish/selfless, he'd live in the middle of nowhere/I like city life. Despite this, he is a loving and sensitive husband and father.

I think he knows he's unreasonable. I told him people would thing he was a complete knob for fussing over a bloody light. The number of replies on here proves that!

OP posts: