Brother at Wedding Dress shop

[LeclercBeans]

Note: Names have been changed for their privacy.

I am going wedding dress shopping with my little cousin (Maddie, 21F) as she and her fiancee (Tom) have been together since age 15/16. Maddie wants to bring her 2 brothers - Charles (32M) and Max (35M) wedding dress shopping as well as her grandmother and me. The only problem is grandma says no to the brothers and she's paying!

Backstory, they are full siblings and their mother basically 'gave them up' when Maddie was 6 months as her husband (their father/my brother) died a month before her birth (RTC) and she started drinking/drugs etc and couldn't care for them as so overwhelmed with 2 boys, a new born and grieving.

As the oldest was only 14ish they moved in with their grandparents (their mums mum, not mine) majority of the time and they lived on and off with me/my parents.

The three of them are very close. Maddie moved in with Max full time in 2011 when she was 9 and Max was 23 as he had a very good job and had a house etc. and they where so close. Charles also moved in in 2010 during the holidays for uni and stayed until he was around 24. Maddie still lives there when she's not at uni.

I'm just saying this so you can see how close they are! So Maddie wants her 2 brothers (and me and her grandmother) to come to the wedding dress shop with her, but her grandma said men don't normally come and it should be just us 3 females.

Maddie is devastated as she wants her brothers to help pick out the dress. I feel I can't really say anything as I'm not related to her grandma (other side of family) and her grandma is contributing quite a large sum to the wedding. Their grandma is very temperamental and stuck in her ways and she has threatened multiple times to not contribute anything to the wedding unless Maddie does this/that etc. Only problem is grandma pushed the location on them and its v expensive and they've put a deposit down so would loose lots of money they can't afford! (Again I know how privileged she is to have someone contributing a big sum!)

Is it normal for men/fathers to come dress shopping (it will just be us in the shop - no other families)? Should I push it more with grandma to let them come? Or tell Maddie to drop it? I just feel with her wedding, she should choose!
I don't know what to do as I don't want to annoy anyone!

Sorry OP haven't RTFT so probably repeating what others have said - two visits is definitely the way to go, but ring the shop ahead of time. Some don't allow men as the dresses are samples only available in one size so women can have underwear on show while trying them on etc. Just double check so they're not disappointed.

Also loving the idea of LeClerc and Verstappen going wedding dress shopping [grins]

Maddie needs to take control. ‘Thank you for your generous gift, Granny. It’s so nice to be able to plan my wedding exactly how I want, with Charles and Max’s support. See you at the dress shop.’

Support ? 😁She's picking a dress, not having chemotherapy.

It was just me and my mum wedding dress shopping....my brothers would have been bored shitless lol.

Perhaps the slightest glance at the OP might indicate that these siblings haven't had the easiest time in life, and that that has made them close. The brothers may not give a shit about wedding dresses but perhaps they're willing to go shopping because Maddie wants them there and they will happily give up a few hours to support her. It's a nice thing.

I’ve never been married or been wedding dress shopping with a friend but my impression is it’s meant to be a bonding experience between the bride and those she’s closest to - Maddie’s case that includes her brothers.
For the sake of good relationships maybe go with the option of more than one visit. She can say to her Gran that it was a preliminary scout-round but that way the Gran will still have some input.

Maybe they can’t afford a wedding , never mind the wedding they want, without Grandma’s money

Trouble is if you take two trips she will pick a dress she loves and then Granny will say no to it and break her heart. It won't end with the who can come to the shop. She'll want final say on the dress too.

I think this is a major potential issue, granny wants to run the show. Will she also pick the bridesmaids dresses.

I don't think it's a problem having her brothers there. The issue may be like when one of our girls chose her dress DH came along, the problem was he thought she looked gorgeous in every dress.

They'll have to save up then.

Wedding traditions have changed so much these days. You get men/ women going to the opposite hen/ stag dos. Children walking a mum down the aisle. I say she should do as she likes, and if the grandma doesn't like it, then tough. But don't rely on her money for the wedding.

How does the deposit work? What if she doesn't see something she likes in that shop? I looked in a few shops before I found mine.

Does the Op not mean Granny has paid the deposit for the wedding venue rather than a deposit for the dress?

I actually think the girl would be better keeping Granny out of it, forget the huge £££ day that Granny is planning.
Finish her degree, get her career underway, house deposit etc etc then her and her partner can think about a budget wedding and children.