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Original poster

Brother at Wedding Dress shop

87 replies

LeclercBeans · 26/10/2023 15:54

Note: Names have been changed for their privacy.

I am going wedding dress shopping with my little cousin (Maddie, 21F) as she and her fiancee (Tom) have been together since age 15/16. Maddie wants to bring her 2 brothers - Charles (32M) and Max (35M) wedding dress shopping as well as her grandmother and me. The only problem is grandma says no to the brothers and she's paying!

Backstory, they are full siblings and their mother basically 'gave them up' when Maddie was 6 months as her husband (their father/my brother) died a month before her birth (RTC) and she started drinking/drugs etc and couldn't care for them as so overwhelmed with 2 boys, a new born and grieving.

As the oldest was only 14ish they moved in with their grandparents (their mums mum, not mine) majority of the time and they lived on and off with me/my parents.

The three of them are very close. Maddie moved in with Max full time in 2011 when she was 9 and Max was 23 as he had a very good job and had a house etc. and they where so close. Charles also moved in in 2010 during the holidays for uni and stayed until he was around 24. Maddie still lives there when she's not at uni.

I'm just saying this so you can see how close they are! So Maddie wants her 2 brothers (and me and her grandmother) to come to the wedding dress shop with her, but her grandma said men don't normally come and it should be just us 3 females.

Maddie is devastated as she wants her brothers to help pick out the dress. I feel I can't really say anything as I'm not related to her grandma (other side of family) and her grandma is contributing quite a large sum to the wedding. Their grandma is very temperamental and stuck in her ways and she has threatened multiple times to not contribute anything to the wedding unless Maddie does this/that etc. Only problem is grandma pushed the location on them and its v expensive and they've put a deposit down so would loose lots of money they can't afford! (Again I know how privileged she is to have someone contributing a big sum!)

Is it normal for men/fathers to come dress shopping (it will just be us in the shop - no other families)? Should I push it more with grandma to let them come? Or tell Maddie to drop it? I just feel with her wedding, she should choose!
I don't know what to do as I don't want to annoy anyone!

OP posts:
SkyePye · 26/10/2023 16:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SkyePye · 26/10/2023 16:55

Book an appointment before the "official" one.

Invite everyone except the awkward biddy (AB).

Pick a dress with the help of the brothers.

At the official appointment - sans brothers - Make sure chosen dress (or shortlist as you just know AB may try to veto choice) is in the line up.

Don't let AB know this is the second appointment (and clue the staff in so they don't drop you all in it)

Gummybear23 · 26/10/2023 16:59

Do 2 visits to dress shop.

Make grannies a quick fake one.

The rest of u go first select dress.
Then take 👵 and pretend to pick the dress.

Lizzieregina · 26/10/2023 17:00

Oh I like all these sneaky 2 visit suggestions! It would serve granny right!

Cyclistmumgrandma · 26/10/2023 17:04

Not particularly usual but no reason why they shouldn't. I went dress shopping with my soon to be daughter in law. Her brother came with us and why on earth not? She wanted him there and he was happy to be there. Why would that be a problem these days??

Dogrough · 26/10/2023 17:08

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 26/10/2023 16:04

I've been married for 20 years, but I brought my mum, my MIL (to be) and 3 bridesmaids with me when I went dress shopping! It was a lovely day out, we had lunch & drinks afterwards. The size of the party isn't unusual, I think it's the fact that the 2 brothers will be there. But that's totally up to Maddie, and understandable given her circumstances.

Yeah I don’t think 4 people is a lot. I once went mother of the bride shopping and there were 4 people plus the mob at the appointment!

Coffeerum · 26/10/2023 17:11

Who cares if it’s “normal” or what other people do?? She’s close to them and wants them involved.
Why on earth should the bride “drop it”?? Grandma needs to catch herself on, it’s not her wedding.

Goodornot · 26/10/2023 17:12

5 people to shop for a wedding dress? That's too many. Imagine if every bride brought 4 people with her.

VandhanaKuym836 · 26/10/2023 17:13

LeclercBeans · 26/10/2023 15:54

Note: Names have been changed for their privacy.

I am going wedding dress shopping with my little cousin (Maddie, 21F) as she and her fiancee (Tom) have been together since age 15/16. Maddie wants to bring her 2 brothers - Charles (32M) and Max (35M) wedding dress shopping as well as her grandmother and me. The only problem is grandma says no to the brothers and she's paying!

Backstory, they are full siblings and their mother basically 'gave them up' when Maddie was 6 months as her husband (their father/my brother) died a month before her birth (RTC) and she started drinking/drugs etc and couldn't care for them as so overwhelmed with 2 boys, a new born and grieving.

As the oldest was only 14ish they moved in with their grandparents (their mums mum, not mine) majority of the time and they lived on and off with me/my parents.

The three of them are very close. Maddie moved in with Max full time in 2011 when she was 9 and Max was 23 as he had a very good job and had a house etc. and they where so close. Charles also moved in in 2010 during the holidays for uni and stayed until he was around 24. Maddie still lives there when she's not at uni.

I'm just saying this so you can see how close they are! So Maddie wants her 2 brothers (and me and her grandmother) to come to the wedding dress shop with her, but her grandma said men don't normally come and it should be just us 3 females.

Maddie is devastated as she wants her brothers to help pick out the dress. I feel I can't really say anything as I'm not related to her grandma (other side of family) and her grandma is contributing quite a large sum to the wedding. Their grandma is very temperamental and stuck in her ways and she has threatened multiple times to not contribute anything to the wedding unless Maddie does this/that etc. Only problem is grandma pushed the location on them and its v expensive and they've put a deposit down so would loose lots of money they can't afford! (Again I know how privileged she is to have someone contributing a big sum!)

Is it normal for men/fathers to come dress shopping (it will just be us in the shop - no other families)? Should I push it more with grandma to let them come? Or tell Maddie to drop it? I just feel with her wedding, she should choose!
I don't know what to do as I don't want to annoy anyone!

What kind is the size, does it matter?

Mercedes45 · 26/10/2023 17:15

Ha ha I thought the same. Definitely let them go shopping

VandhanaKuym836 · 26/10/2023 17:15

how do you measure the rules size to it? of the clothes.😀

Mercedes45 · 26/10/2023 17:16

Mercedes45 · 26/10/2023 17:15

Ha ha I thought the same. Definitely let them go shopping

This was I'm response to verstappen and leclerc off dress shopping

Bristolnewcomer · 26/10/2023 17:16

I would get Maddie to tell her gran that if her dad were alive she'd be taking him - as he isn't she'd like her brothers to be there. It might not be traditional but it's an emotional time and she really wants them to come in her father's place.

If Gran doesn't say yes then she really isn't very nice! (I suspect that she just doesn't understand WHY Maddie wants them there)

KyeeMaClune · 26/10/2023 17:19

Well Dh came dress shopping along with my Mum. I chose a dress I absolutely loved he made a comment on not liking a certain aspect of it so imagine that response when I saw him at the altar. That was almost 25 years ago. I chose a dress we both liked.

If granny won't budge then I would encourage her to shop without granny and bring whoever she wants and then do a fake dress shop with granny "finding" the dress.

AliceOlive · 26/10/2023 17:21

Two trips - first with the brothers and later with Gran.

abouttobecomeagrandparent · 26/10/2023 17:35

Let Maddie go with her brothers first and narrow it down to a couple of dresses and then let her go again with Gran.

Original poster
LeclercBeans · 26/10/2023 17:35

Love your guys' idea of going twice. Think I will suggest it and clue in the staff like someone said so everyones on board!

I think the fact that her gran looked after her when she was little at times makes her gran think she 'owes her something' !

Never was a fan of the lady but you guys have just confirmed it for me haha

OP posts:
crosstalk · 26/10/2023 17:39

Two trips. And not just to one shop. Maddie also still needs to work out what to say if Granny doesn't like what she and the lads have picked out. I really don't see why men can't go shopping for The Dress with the bride. Presumably they have taste so she won't be going masses of cleavage, thigh high splits. But I'm also of the opinion that Granny shouldn't be paying if she's going to pull strings this way and waiting till M and T can afford their own wedding .. perhaps with help from the close brothers ... might give them a fighting chance of doing what they want.

BrideToBe2313123 · 26/10/2023 17:41

Do any of you realise how long wedding dress shopping will take? Of course, it depends on how fussy the involved parties are, but still.
You don't just go to 'one shop', try on a few dresses and get out ASAP.

As much as they love Maddie I highly doubt that the brothers want to spend hours in a shop.

This isn't a 'big moment'. there will be multiple trips, she needs time and space to work out what she likes without the opinion of an entourage.

grandma is being U, but so are the rest of you for bigging this trip up. She might leave at the end with no wedding dress at all!

Far better for her and one other person to try loads on, then bring whoever for the final few.

The reason it takes a long time is because most women aren't used to such formal dresses.. the way it sits, feel etc you can't tell until you've tried the dresses on.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/10/2023 17:42

Will the shop allow that many spectators?

BrideToBe2313123 · 26/10/2023 17:43

Toddlerteaplease · 26/10/2023 17:42

Will the shop allow that many spectators?

That too!
When I checked them out them out quite a few had maximum of 2 other people.

Lizzieregina · 26/10/2023 17:48

Goodornot · 26/10/2023 17:12

5 people to shop for a wedding dress? That's too many. Imagine if every bride brought 4 people with her.

Its the norm here in the US! DD recently married, only wanted 3, but an entourage would be the norm. We were the smallest group in the shop!

PrinnyPree · 26/10/2023 17:52

TempName247 · 26/10/2023 16:48

Go in secret with Maddie and her brothers without Gran, then go again with Gran so she can pay for the dress. To be honest though I think 21 is too young to be getting married 😬.

This is what I was going to suggest, let her have the illusion of control.

However if she wants to get married at 21 that's up to her, she's not a teenager.

Iwant2beJessicaFletcher · 26/10/2023 18:01

It's up to Maddie who she wants and I can see why she wants her brothers there. If it was me, I would go with my brothers secretly, choose my dress with them and then re-visit with you and her grandmother & pretend that it was the first time she had been. Im sure if she explained to the dress shop they would go along with it.

That way she gets what she wants (which is not unreasonable) and the completely unreasonable grandmother thinks she's 'won' and still contributes to the wedding.

If Maddie was a lot older and settled down, had a good job etc, I would just say to stuff the grandmothers money but right now she wont be able to afford this and I think after her difficult start in life she deserves to have the wedding experience she wants.

Good luck

elliejjtiny · 26/10/2023 18:19

Love the image of the f1 drivers going wedding dress shopping! Maddie should have who she wants there, I had my brother with me. Also 21 is a perfectly normal age to get married. I was 22 but wanted to get married at 20. Dh and I have been together 22 years and married 19.

Is she planning on doing more than one trip? I went to loads of different dress shops before I found my dress and took different people each time.

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