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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friend has told me I have no idea about babies.

85 replies

gotabunintheoven · 09/03/2008 16:37

I am expecting my first baby, a boy, in 8 weeks time.

I am very decided about how things are going to be when he arrives. I will be breastfeeding, he will be going into his own room from day 1 as I don't believe that babies should turn our lives upside down in the way people let them.

I also am very sure about how my son will be brought up. He will not be allowed to watch television, will not be allowed to have anything with sugar in it such as cake or chocolate and the only toys he will be allowed to have will be educational ones.

I have had a huge argument with my friend about this. She has said that I will never be able to stop my child from watching tv or eating chocolate, and has even said there's a chance I might not be able to breastfeed as it's not always possible.

Thing is, I've read all the books and I know that breast is best and I also know that television and chocolate are damaging so he won't be having any of them.

OP posts:

Philosopher · 09/03/2008 16:53

Hi, Sounds like you know what you want which is great. My son is 14 months old and like you I had/have a list which is very similar to yours and it still holds strong over a year later! I have lost a few 'friends' over my supposedly 'strong' views but then I don't like the way they bring up their children and their laissez-faire attitudes re food and tv. Don't bother arguing with your friend if you really value her, she may be feeling like she has been judged and found wanting a failure, because you have stated what you aims are and hers are not the same. Also, some people pay lip service to no sugar, no tv, good toys etc., but aren't really bothered. RE: BF I have met women who have battled against incredible odds to bf and managed to 'cause they knew it was right and it was what they wanted to do. I am sure if you have read up a bit about it and if you get plenty of help and support for the first few months you will too.

ninja · 09/03/2008 16:54

Yes I'm confident that you have a HIGH chance of breastfeeding and you should feel confident about that too, however,... are you saying that when your child goes to a birthday party you won't let them eat the delicious homemade cake? That might be a little unfair.

I would also warn that having been a child brought up with almost no sweets as a teenager I rebelled big time and became quite fat. I think teaching a sensible attitude to diet is more important.

No tele? again there are some GREAT things on TV - do you never watch it?

Elasticwoman · 09/03/2008 17:04

With your attitude towards breastfeeding, you are far more likely to be successful than some one who goes into it thinking they might fail.

Re tv: quite possible to protect a child from that for some years if there is no tv in the house. If tv is in the house, you are probably on to a loser there.

Re chocolate and cakes: quite easy to prevent a child having access to these until they are old enough to socialise with other children. Then it becomes difficult, but not impossible if you are with them. Once you leave your child with other children eg at pre-school, other adults will be giving out chocolate etc without your permission.

bamzooki · 09/03/2008 17:27

Cod challenges aside - who can really say that they knew what was about to hit them prior to having their first baby? No matter what other people tell you, I think everyone has their own preconceptions about how things will be 'once the baby is here', and from my and my friends' experiences a vast amount of it all goes out the window!

HereComeTheGirls · 09/03/2008 19:21

I was determined to breastfeed but my DD has low muscle tone and could not latch on despite 3 months of intensive trying..ended up expressing all her feeds....but I certainly wouldn't be blase about it next time!!

colditz · 09/03/2008 19:24

This cod challenge is getting on my teats now

VanillaPumpkin · 09/03/2008 19:26

Please tell me this is not real. If you are serious I am with your friend, sorry.

mammyofET · 09/03/2008 20:26

If this is real - good luck with all that. And if you try and stick to it all, watch it all come and bite you on your @rse!

Best of advice for a first time parent - never say how you are going to do things as you just never know what it will be like!

kittywise · 09/03/2008 20:28

bamzooki, I remember before ds1 was born that I KNEW that knew absolutely NOTHING. I had no ideas, no rules.

I think it's crazy to have an attitude like the op troll, but i do know people that do exist who have such attitudes, amazing. The fall is always a great one

nickytwotimes · 09/03/2008 20:29

ditto, colditz.
ccan we have some genuine threads please?
apologies to op if you are genuine, btw.

pooka · 09/03/2008 20:30

Only 165 messages to get to the 100.

pooka · 09/03/2008 20:30

164 to 200

DualCycloneCod · 09/03/2008 20:33

nothing ot do wiht me

bagism · 09/03/2008 20:36

In the night garden is great(well my 20 month old daughter thinks so), nanny brings chocolate buttons when she comes to visit(she adores nanny). I had lots of ideals before she was born, to be fair they all go out the window, well some do, i try not to make life too miserable at the end of the day, treats are good in moderation!

MotherFunk · 09/03/2008 20:44

Message withdrawn

edam · 09/03/2008 20:52

If this is genuine, I think you need to realise that parenthood is not easy. Babies don't read the books. And you have no idea how you'll feel once your baby is actually here. Those early days with a newborn who feeds for ages and only sleeps in snatches are really, really hard (and lovely, all at the same time). Don't set yourself up to feel a failure if it's all a lot messier and more complicated than you can imagine right now. No-one can really tell you what it's like - it's just impossible to imagine how physically and emotionally overwhelming the whole thing is.

Get hold of the number for b/f counsellors now - b/f is a skill that has to be learnt and it can be tricky at first. Google La Leche League, the NCT breastfeeding hotline and the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers. Doing some research now will pay dividends because you may come up against midwives, doctors and health visitors who know eff-all about b/f (it's shocking, but they get very little training on b/f and often give advice that is plain wrong).

Good luck - and try not to be critical of mothers who may be doing things differently from you. You need friends!

williamsmummy · 09/03/2008 22:28

this is so funny!
am really laughing,I hope this is a real thread,as i cant wait for your posts after baby is born!!

HA HA

Tickle · 09/03/2008 22:32

Re the TV - if you don't have one in the house then that is fair - we have friends who have chosen the no TV route, and it works fine. But don't ban baby and then watch eastenders constantly...

janestillhere · 09/03/2008 22:33

Good luck love...

cory · 09/03/2008 22:40

Though I don't otherwise think the Cod Challenge was such a brilliant idea, this one is actually mildly entertaining. It's got just enough of a hint of realism to make it funny.

soph28 · 09/03/2008 22:44

There is NO WAY this is a serious thread. Surely even if you did think those things you would have enough common sense to know that it is idealistic and may well not happen?

cory · 09/03/2008 22:49

It's the "only educational toys" bit that gives it away to me; the rest I could just about have swallowed. But that was perhaps a little less subtle than the rest.

controlfreakyagain · 09/03/2008 22:53

op is off chiselling educational wooden toys from a log.....

zazen · 09/03/2008 23:08

I hope you have a lovely birth and that your baby has read and understood all the plans you have for him / her!!

Seriously - we all start out as hopeful as we can and then real life happens-
I wanted a homebirth for eg, but ended up having a horrific crash cesarean after being induced and three days in labour in a huge noisy ward of labouring (screaming) women (even though when the shit had hit the fan and I knew a HB was off the menu, I had paid for a private room - we don't have the NHS in Ireland... sorry.. another story) that has left me in pain and infertile three years later -
I had read all the books also, and been told that breast is best and tried to breastfeed and got mastitis after mastitis, blocked ducts every day, and cracked and split nipples and had to supplement. DD has an unusual mouth and her latch was B-A-D. I did manage to breastfeed until my DD self weaned at nine months, but it was totally her decision, and my stubborn-ness that got us through.

I wanted my DD not to have sugar and cakes etc, but she's in preschool and they bake, and give her juice, and I've relented as I want her to feel included in her group, not a Johnnie no mates, who's mummy doesn't allow....!!

We have no TV at home and she loves loves loves TV, and anywhere we have been that there is a TV she's glued to it!! It's too hilarious really!!

The best laid plans of mice and men..

Basically I hope you get what you want, but I'm very doubtful that your babe has signed your plans for him, so you will have to negotiate when he is born.

IMO your friend is right.. babies make their own rules, and have no qualms about 'ruining your life' I think having a 'ruined life' is what being a parent is, and I don't know anyone who would swap it for the perfect life they thought they wanted.

if this is yet another MN wind up thread, all I can say is that you have too much time on you hands, and that you should do some volunteering or something.

ppie · 10/03/2008 14:06

whats a cod windup????

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