To ask what you do if you pay for your children's education

[Satonmytuffet]

DH thinks we can afford to send our children to private school starting from pre-prep all the way until university. I disagree. Neither of us went to private schools but DH went to Oxford many years ago now and feels that private school is the best way to go. I would agree if I thought we could afford it but I don't think we can. DH is a solicitor. I am at a crossroads in my career and I am looking to move into something where it would ultimately give me a 6 figure salary but I just feel like people who do send their kids to private schools are much much more well off than we are. Our combined household income is £175k and we live in London.

We currently have one DC but we hope to have another 2 children, or at least 1 more if things don't go to plan. That would ultimately mean yearly fees of £90k at the most.

If all your children are privately educated what sort of jobs do you do? Does generational wealth come into play?

Similar income, 2 kids, just outside London. it works!

I do think it can be easy to develop a ‘private school above all else’ attitude to schools. Some parents, perhaps because if they’re own bad experiences, because they’ve not experienced alternatives or even because of some status obsession, will not even countenance state schools. Often making significant sacrifices in terms of their own lifestyles and their children’s other opportunities.

It is worth remembering that there are very many excellent state schools out there, often located cheek by jowl with mediocre private schools that people are making significant sacrifices to access. Our three children have attended a total of eight schools between them and, for me, the three best have been the carefully chosen state schools, which have met their needs perfectly, whether that be SEN (two years in a specialist speech and language unit), or a very high achieving grammar school, perfectly.

While a private education is a ‘nice to have’ I would think very carefully about compromising your family’s opportunities for a wide range of extracurricular activities, travel around the world, having parents work, a bit less, or simply being able to live in a more comfortable house to enable 13 years of private school attendance.

I've thought about this too - we're in the minority who will pay through income although have fairly well off GPs on my side who would hopefully 'rescue' us if needs be.

I think lots of things will change in the future to be honest. So as an example, a few years ago we wouldn't even consider it citing that we'd much prefer nice exotic holidays etc. Now the holidays seem like a red herring given that we'd actually prefer not to travel to certain locations due to various risk including climate change so actually is it a big deal if we holiday closer to home as that's potentially where things are heading. Not for us anyway.

So there are lots of evolving factors which might push people to prioritise school fees over other things.

£60kish. Single mum. Work in IT.

DS went to state primary, then independent from 11. He won a scholarship that pays 50% fees and was determined to go - he likes maths - so I cover the rest. Plus the local state school was in chaos. The trust has since been wound up.

No generational anything - no dgps. It's a stretch for me but he's happy & doing well.

Peoples circumstances that I know well that were privately educated.

Full scholarships, hospital consultants, senior civil servant in Whitehall, CEO of a global company, worked at the school for fee reduction.

@Stylestuck makes a valid point whilst not favoured quite as people may assume widening participation means formulas such as deprived postcodes are taken in to consideration. I worked in academia for years as does DH who is a head of dept now. Both of us had the poison chalice of admissions in our respective departments for a number of years.

Trust in your own child, you will know them better than anyone here. MIL and FIL offered money to pay a significant proportion of school fees for DS. We turned them down and DS went to the local comp which was close by, DH had a 1.5 to 2 hour commute to his very prestigious school and had zero local friends and it was rubbish for him. DS got all A at A level, no fees, no commute, lots of local friends and he is now doing a paid degree apprenticeship so will have zero debt. He didn’t need the extra help that private schools offer, small classes, filtering children because of an entrance exam being the main two. A private school education does not always mean success. DS GF went to a dreadful comp, I mean really bad, she just got a first and walked straight in to a great job three weeks after finishing uni.

Success overall can start with grades and who you know but there is the innate unchangeable personality that we all have.

We sent our kids private after my eldest didn't get in to the nearest four state schools due to oversubscription. The one offered was in measures and far away. We could afford to send him to private so we did (husband was a London lawyer). Daughter followed.
It costs, in London, about £20k a year each child for fees, plus uniform etc on top. My daughter left Sixth form last year and her fees were just over £26k, and they go up about 5% or more a year.
I went to a (very good) state school, my husband private. We both have post graduate degrees.
The value is arguable. If my son had got in to one of those nearby state schools we would have happily kept him there at least for primary education - all were rated 'excellent' by Ofsted. He was not an academic child and left to go to a vocational college at 16 (just as covid hit - disaster). But I think he gained a lot from the school in other ways.
My daughter is academic and gained A stars x 3 at A level. Would she have achieved that at a state school? Maybe. But again she has gained a lot that is not necessarily quantifiable. Where we moved to for the majority of their schooling there were no good state options snd I simply would not have moved if that had been my only choice.
Many of my friends children who went to state school have achieved as well as my friends kids who went to private school. Several of the private kids I know went to Oxbridge/Durham/Imperial/Kings whereas none of the state kids did - they went to Manchester/Sheffield/BU/Bristol/Brookes (as did several of the private kids I know and all fine institutions of course), this has not been indicative of how they have succeeded post graduation, though they are still young yet. Important to note: three kids I know who didn't go to university at all are doing well now in their 30s.
Of my circle, when my husband was alive, we were the wealthiest on paper. Most other families with private school kids either had just one child, family help with fees, in one case a full scholarship, or made just enough to prioritise it over other things. These were outside of London though - if they had lived in London I don't think they could have swung it bar one or two of them.
I'm not sure many of these kids, if any, will be able to send their own kids to private school - none have picked particularly high earning careers.

@heather....out of £300k after tax NI pension etc we are left with about half of that. Yes still a lot but we have a big mortgage and we want to save quite a lot to make sure we always have money for fees even if our circumstances change for the worse. Maybe we are overly cautious.

Yes I guess that's my point about lifestyle. You have a large mortgage which presumably means a large house etc. No judgement, but on the lifestyle we lead, we'd see that as a huge amount and would have no qualms about private school fees.
Someone else on this thread said they would struggle but that's after paying £8k a month for mortgage and pension contributions. Again linked to a fairly extravagant lifestyle compared with most people.

Usually yes, unless they are in a combined business with a separate prep and senior school which come under the same foundation. Independent School fees will rise if Labour win the next GE.
It depends on your priorities. Many couples both thrive in their careers and independent school can offer the wrap around care they require to facilitate this - often meaning their children eat three meals a day at school. Be careful you don’t allow the tail to wag the dog so to speak, if you are happy in your academic career with long holidays you won’t need to pay for holiday clubs and so your lower income will balance out. Many children will thrive in state school with committed parents who are around and available at the end of the school day and can then pay for holidays, tutors (if necessary) and after school clubs. And as others have mentioned attending state school is shown to increase the chance of being accepted in to Oxbridge.

Interesting debate!

I had 3 kids in 4yrs so would always be a triple hit for about 15y from Yr7- end of uni, so that's a big factor

I went to state schl snd so did DH and all my uni friends. Everyone ambitious and personable is in finance, law, medicine.

My 3 kids are all hardworking and sociable. The older 2 attend career events now as young teens and my son wants quant work experience as soon as he can.

The local state comp here has many v biright kids eg top set for maths is based on SAT score 113-120, where 110 os Greater Depth and 2 sets at this level (of 8).

Kids i know going private (£25k fees) are mostly only children, immigrant kids of builders etc sold a dream, mostly grandparent funded. One girl we know, funded by warehouse business parenfs, was below mid level for maths & english at school. One boy only child got a football sponsorhip but is not bright at all.

Also contextual scoring means private is seen more harshly.

I dont know, didnt seem a good investment of £800k, prefer to pay them through uni and have btl they can live in, instead. And pay for 4-5h turoring a week each child.

Good luck whatever u decide- but use pension calculator first :)

We both work in IT and are self employed, averaging £8000 per month after tax. We have two kids in private education.

We do make sacrifices to make it work by living in a small 2 bedroom flat, only 1 holiday abroad every 2 years, don’t eat out much and have a babysitter for a date night once every 2 - 3 months. We don’t have any financial help and we have a fairly small mortgage for London (£2000 pm).

I think it’s a case of priorities if you’re on a middle income like us - family home + regular holidays + school fees in London (where we are) needs much more income or other wealth / help. We went for small flat, less travel and school fees as we both valued that more.

Finance and PR. No generational wealth.