To ask what you do if you pay for your children's education

[Satonmytuffet]

DH thinks we can afford to send our children to private school starting from pre-prep all the way until university. I disagree. Neither of us went to private schools but DH went to Oxford many years ago now and feels that private school is the best way to go. I would agree if I thought we could afford it but I don't think we can. DH is a solicitor. I am at a crossroads in my career and I am looking to move into something where it would ultimately give me a 6 figure salary but I just feel like people who do send their kids to private schools are much much more well off than we are. Our combined household income is £175k and we live in London.

We currently have one DC but we hope to have another 2 children, or at least 1 more if things don't go to plan. That would ultimately mean yearly fees of £90k at the most.

If all your children are privately educated what sort of jobs do you do? Does generational wealth come into play?

I earn £150k, Dh £155k plus £25k bonus and we have rental income post tax £12k so £340k approx. Mortgage is £520/£1.2m house costs £2.6k a month. Overpay £1.5k a month

We couldnt afford private without reducing pensions (£2k pcm each) or mortgage overpayment (£1.5k).

We're 40 but realistic most people in IT/ Risk ops lesdership managed out 55ish

Uni is £27k fees, if u pay fees, rental and some living costs thats £70k per child.

Our priority is mortgage, pension, uni

Do u want to be hard up at retirement or not able to afford uni? Sounds like your priority should be career and pension. Not this perhaps

Fees for private school are around £13k per year where we live. We’re going to do it for secondary but not primary (in catchment for a good primary and I would like my son to make local friends).

Our household income is about £120k, grandparents are going to help with fees. It’s years in the future for us so we might not need GP help by then, but the offer is there if we do.

My husband and I were both privately educated and though we would like to live in a socialist utopia where everyone had equal access to superb, free education in good facilities, that isn’t real life and we would like our child to have the same opportunities we did. We benefited a lot from the educations we received, and it’s a sad fact that if you can pay for the privilege it sets your children in good stead.

I should say I put about £40k a year into my pension through my company and DH prob pays about £25k into his.

Equity partner (solicitor) and global sales manager for an American company.

Ps 3 kids 🙄🙄🙄

Yes please, that would be super helpful. Should I private message you my email address?

Thank you everyone. I found your replies really useful and insightful (and mildly demoralising hehe!) I feel like I am really letting the side down with my salary. I'm in academia without a PhD and my earning potential is tragic. I'm looking into literally anything private sector that will pay £££ and with a bonus. However I had hopes of being a bit more present as a mum but I just feel like all the money pressure is on DH and also not sustainable.

For those asking our mortgage is £1500 but DH and I need to do a proper sit and analyse our pensions, savings etc. DH is a real bury-head-in-sand type of guy but is excellent at saving pennies and I am not great with money (but hellbent on improving)

Hello @Satonmytuffet no need, this is it - you can do it per child and put in fee rises etc I found it very useful in working out how much it’ll cost us per child (and you can put in point of entry too).

https://www.candidmoney.com/calculators/school-fees-affordability-calculator

You may well be able to afford it but it’s fairly nuts to go private till 8 unless you are swimming in it, and most people hold off till 11 (tutoring from 9 for 11+)

Rather than adopt polarised positions, crunch the actual numbers according to your outgoings as well as your income, and allowing for realistic rises in fees and mortgage.

We did State til 8, I would suggest that’s your best time to make the move. If you do 11+ then make sure you’re pushing your DC on the sports side, that’s where the State school kids struggle against those having been in prep.

We have a combined income of about £130,000.
Both DC are now at private school. From age 9 onwards. I wouldn’t bother with private before then myself. Use the money for a bit of tutoring if required when needed.
Their fees are not even close to what you’re suggesting though. We pay around £29,000 per year for both! Not in London. We’re very happy with our choice and both kids thriving.

Factor in music lessons (£25 per instrument per week), trips (varies across year groups).

The PTA will do great second hand sales on uniform.

I’d say you you can afford private for 2 without much sacrifice if you planned to work a little longer, which I’d imagine you could easily do with a bit of a pivot.

And to a lot of people, giving their kids the best launch would easily be worth a few extra years work.

Joint income at around £100k. We can just about afford two kids in private school. We are mortgage free so school fees are £3.5/month and we are left with £2k for other expenses.

Our combined income is £90k before tax and we have one child in private school but outside london, so you seem way wealthier than us but obviously your costs will be higher.

I think you can probably afford it but you might want to consider "state till eight" if you aren't sure. You could easily put aside a significant sum per year into savings between now and when your eldest hits y3 or y4 and transfer to private then, and use those savings to draw down from in the peak years when all 3 (if that goes to plan) are needing fees

Goodness, how the other half live! Why don’t you send to state school to start with, then once they’ve been taught to read and write well, send them off to private school. There they will develop loads of confidence arrogance and a more privileged/well spoken/useful social circle and not have to mix with the plebs, but no-one who has posted here will ever openly give that as a reason.

Alternatively, you could save your money and avoid making all the ‘sacrifices’ 🙄that a private education entails and enrol your child into lots of educational and sporting activities and opportunities (all the extras, which is, after all I believe, one of the reasons cited for educating privately).

This thread is mind blowing, like another world for me. The fees people are chatting about are more than my gross salary.

We’re in NI- two kids at prep school, fees are £4.5k per year, per child. DH and I have “normal jobs”, as do most of the parents in the kids’ classes- police officers, physios, nurses, teachers etc.

How are schools in England not priced out of the market with fees at this level? If families of medical consultants etc are saying it’s out of reach who IS able to afford it?

We both had "immigrant parents" and went to private schools on scholarships. First to go to uni etc etc.
we loved it and in theory wanted the same schooling for our kids.

Where we landed was: the cost is one thing but the real question was "is it worth it FOR US?"

Because even on good salaries you will have to make tough choices and it will impact pensions, retirement age etc. There is also the "risk factor" illness, redundancy a third child 😵‍💫etc.

Especially if like us you are fully self funding no family help and no expected inheritances.

Hallelujah yes the thread is insanely privileged

Agreed it's mind blowing sums of cash.

In my experience:
Super wealthy
Inheritance
Trust funds
Grandparents are paying
Self funders are a minority

We make £250k joint and are on the fence about private.
Fees at my school were £4.5k 20 years ago now it's £23k... for a day school.

I don’t know the answer to your question - our circle of friends includes national journalists, architects, barristers, company directors and we all send our kids to the local comp here in London! No idea who goes to the private schools at £20k per child per year. We have a joint income of £200k or so and currently no mortgage, but we’d like to upsize if the market ever picks up again and so don’t feel we could really afford private school fees as well. Our kids seem to be thriving.

Move to a decent grammar school catchment area . Our children have had a fantastic education,without the fees 😊

Not aimed at you OP, but I think Mumsnet ought to have a ‘private education’ board so that those with this obscene amount of wealth and privilege to pass on to their offspring can discuss stealth brag it away from view of the rest of us mere mortals. It’s quite the eye-opener.

Thank you for replying!

So if self-funders are a minority and so many are relying on a finite funding source (grandparents, a trust etc), does that not mean that it’s the next generation that are fucked fee-wise? Since the money has all been spent.

I see the value in the private system but surely fees as they are in the English system just aren’t sustainable when decreasing numbers of families can afford it?

Why not aim for one of the super selectives?