To think it never ends?

[chatenoire]

My life never seems to slow down (in many aspects).

For example our house definitely needs money: new carpets, new TV, storage, etc...I work from home and as the main "breadwinner" I find it depressing that I have to move from the kitchen to one of the DCs rooms.

All the admin can be overwhelming, ordering stuff for the DC, being their taxi, etc... I even told my daughter that I wouldn't regularly take her to a club on Sunday because I don't have 3 hours to spare.

I feel like the weekends are either for doing all the house chores we couldn't do during the week, or the admin (like post office or banks), weekly shop... The day I'd like to do nothing, we have to do something "fun" with the DC and that eats a good chunk of the day.

I'd like to have the carrot of knowing that I'll have a nice holiday but as it stands, I don't know if we can afford one considering the expenses to make this house more of a home.

Financially I think we're doing OK but I get easily overwhelmed. My DM thinks it's just the way it is, but I think it's very rich of her considering she had a live in cleaner, a nanny, and a gardener. Plus, she never had to worry about a mortgage as she lived mortgage free!

Can you automate or partially automate some things?
Admittedly I don't have kids but last time I was in bank was to open an account, post office? Are you sending lots of mail? Can that be streamlined?
Do an online shop for most things. You can save your weekly usuals and just add other items. Massive time saver. Even if you do click and collect.

You know it's fone to have a nothing day? My great memories are of my family chilling at home for an afternoon after morning clean ahen everyone chipped in, watching movies and doing generally nothing. It's important to take few days a month to do nothing (much)

It sounds like you're a single parent? In which case the only way to survive is to get the e kids to pull their weight of old enough!

What are you going to the bank for? The last time I physically went into a bank was 10 years ago. I do everything online now.

I hear you OP. I had that same conversation with a friend yesterday, it all seems to be work, feed DC, rush them to stuff, put them to bed, work. Still have no money and no time to just read a book or something.

I don’t have the answer but I do sympathise

Do you have a partner? How old are the kids? Could you compress your hours so you have an extra day of?

This seems to be life when kids are young. Mine are finally getting older and more freedom for me. The one who needed a lot of lifts has gone to Uni!

I often think that. Life just keeps on coming. But it’s better than either alternative - death or a dull life where nothing happens! You’re getting stuff done and have a full life 😃🙌🏻 and if I was you I’d try and add even more in - holiday, hobby etc. Life is overflowing! (Kids 8, 6 and 1 and yes it’s totally mad like yours)

I do have a husband who does most of the cleaning, but I do a lot of the wraparound care and the driving around.

I go to the post office to return online shopping and oddly enough I do go to the bank every now and then because the kids get sent money in cash, so we deposit it! When you add both at least I have to make the special trip to either the bank or post office once / twice a month.

We buy most of our groceries from Lidl do no online shopping for us! We need those savings being a family of 6 (albeit part time, but we go through a lot of food / laundry)

I used to have a hobby (marathon training) but it's slowly drifting away as I'm finding I have no time left!

@chatenoire most banks let you put cash in at the post office if you have a card for the account. Do you could put into your account and transfer to DC online if they don't have cards yet?

Get your self an online food shop set up. Asda and Sainsbury's are reasonable. Try it
So much better.

How old are all DC. Give them some jobs

Living is hard

But needing to deposit cash or return shopping a couple of times a month?

The cash will wait in a piggy bank for a few months

I used to buy stuff for DD about 3 times a year - Christmas spring and august. Buy less stuff - honestly it makes life much less stressful.

Although I guess it's hard with a family living with no tv - laptop screens don't make for family fun.

But also family fun can be make some popcorn and watch a movie so it hardly eats into any down time

I think the key point of your post was the fact that you 'are easily overwhelmed'.
Life is just hard with kids, you can only simplify it so much but some stuff just has to be done.

Yes I find this is my life at the mo. However, I don’t do something fun for a whole day every weekend. Maybe less time involved there.
online groceries is handy, you can be doing something else at home while waiting for it to arrive, could be a weekday evening, great time saver.

I hear you, OP! Life is basically that meme that “adulthood is just saying that if we can just get through this week, things will calm down”.

I feel on a treadmill of a neverending to do list – and I actually have a neverending to do list. Tick a few things off each day but there’s always MORE. We also live in a house that needs a lot doing to it, though that to do list does get reduced without having things added to it, but we’ve run out of cash for now.

Things that help me: a proper split of labour with DP. He still drags his feet and is messier/more chaotic with his chores than I’d like (I’m deeply ashamed by the bedroom wastepaper basket full of tissues the cleaner emptied for us), but at least they’re entirely off my plate.

Automating things: rolling meal plan, set shopping lists, cleaner, decluttering, limiting DC activities. If someone sends cash for the kids I transfer money from my account to the kids’ account to cover it and stick the cash in our cash kitty, which covers things like school donations and fairs. School has been the tipping point for us from “OK, two small sleepless children but we’re managing” to HOLY FUCK NO: mufti day odd sock day flowerpot day make something with this cardboard box read three times a week do phonics daily please colour in this worksheet drop in to the classroom donate to the Christmas fair bake a cake for the sale no wraparound today this club that club have you met our convoluted booking system yet PE shoes all week for bike lessons whoops not this random Thursday though hey what about this.

It does sound as if you’re easily overwhelmed, if something like an occasional regular trip to the bank or PO causes you this much stress. Why is moving to a bedroom from the kitchen when WFH stressful? If you have a DH, why can’t he help with ferrying, or do the grocery shopping on a weeknight — doesn’t Lidl stay open late sometimes? If the children are old enough, they should be helping with chores around the house?

Could you make Sunday a total wind down day. Get a takeaway in the evening or an easy meal. No clubs. Maybe have a run yourself with music in just to get peace. If you work from home and dc are in school could you do a short run at lunch time. I found exercise kept me sane during those busy years and it's good example for the dc.

I have given up depositing cash and just transfer money from our account to the children’s. Then I use the cash for the inevitable school stuff that comes up

I think the main issue is definitely being overwhelmed. I don’t know how old your kids are but my parents never worried me around much. I had a bus pass and was taking myself to evening groups and classes from quite an early age (during winter months my mum would meet me at the bust stop so I didn’t walk home in the dark). I also had chores at home (mostly clearing my own things away).
If you don’t want to go to the PO to return online shopping, maybe it is worth doing less Blume shopping (will free up some money for the new carpets too). Depositing cash for kids is also unnecessary. It can go to the piggy bank or they can spend it.
Family time shouldn’t be a chore. You talk about having a meal out with a family as a job that takes half a day but it isn’t a job. It’s half a day doing nice things with them. Maybe you don’t even have to do it, did they express their desire to do things outside the home or is it something you feel you have to do?
I also work from home and find it much more relaxing than going to the office.

My DH does do his fair share. Quite often he'll get home and I'm either still working or have to jump to another meeting, etc... So he'll have to cook dinner, sort out the kids, etc... Plus I travel for work quite regularly so he has his "single dad" days. He's reducing his hour too to be able to help more.

The office thing is depressing because my line of work benefits from a second monitor, but there's no permanent space for one, so that's not ideal.

Cash - school oddly enough never asks for any and we don't get involved in any of the activities, so thank goodness no bake sales for me! I do do any deposits at the same time I use the PO. A few weeks ago the queue was one hour long!!

Groceries - we have a very tight budget of £600 a month, in that sense we do need to make use of the lidls and aldis of this world. My DH has done the shopping but he most certainly doesn't get it right. Plus that's one of the odd chores that I don't mind doing, I find it like a bit of a hobby albeit time consuming.

We already do movie night but the DC do seem to want to do something outside of the house. Pleasing them is a total nightmare as they all have different likes and the 13yo has decided that she doesn't like pubs, so a country walk+ pub is no longer an OK activity.

The DC barely help around the house. I do ask, and sometimes they do clean their rooms but normally they don't and I have no energy to nag them all day. My DH is of no help because he somehow thinks they're too small or it's our job and I definitely don't agree there. The older lot is between 11-16 years old so definitely old enough!!

I’m surprised you are so busy with kids that age. They are usually quite self sufficient.

Do you do lift shares with other parents to activities?

Make a shopping list for foods

hire a cleaner for three hours a week

It's not really that pleasant when she's just sulking there, and ruins it for the whole family.

Anywho, the older ones only live here 50% of the time and it's only the 4yo that is FT.

The thing is we live 30mins away from their school which is the reason why sometimes there's extra driving around.