To think it never ends?

[chatenoire]

My life never seems to slow down (in many aspects).

For example our house definitely needs money: new carpets, new TV, storage, etc...I work from home and as the main "breadwinner" I find it depressing that I have to move from the kitchen to one of the DCs rooms.

All the admin can be overwhelming, ordering stuff for the DC, being their taxi, etc... I even told my daughter that I wouldn't regularly take her to a club on Sunday because I don't have 3 hours to spare.

I feel like the weekends are either for doing all the house chores we couldn't do during the week, or the admin (like post office or banks), weekly shop... The day I'd like to do nothing, we have to do something "fun" with the DC and that eats a good chunk of the day.

I'd like to have the carrot of knowing that I'll have a nice holiday but as it stands, I don't know if we can afford one considering the expenses to make this house more of a home.

Financially I think we're doing OK but I get easily overwhelmed. My DM thinks it's just the way it is, but I think it's very rich of her considering she had a live in cleaner, a nanny, and a gardener. Plus, she never had to worry about a mortgage as she lived mortgage free!

I can identify with it feeling relentless and overwhelming.
Two things stood out - one was that banking and post office seem to be blown out of proportion - just stop. Use Royal Mail online you can get free collection from your home.
The second was that tween and teen kids aren’t doing anything to help. Talk to DH, agree on an approach then have the family meeting and reset expectations there big time or you are going to be here complaining about entitled adult children in a few years. They should all be tidying their rooms, putting away their washing, have a daily task like setting the table or emptying dishwasher at a minimum. My 16 year old cooks for us once a week.

No, two are.

They're all 50/50

OP- deposit money at the post office. You do not need to go to the bank- why wouldn’t you when you are at the post office anyway?

Switching to online shopping is an absolute godsend (aftet the first couple of weeks once it’s set up)
Shopping in store to me is like someone telling me they wash their clothes with a mangle and washboard. You can still hunt the bargains online. Yes it may be a little more expensive than aldi but it’s so so worth it for the time saved.
What is all the other stuff you are buying online? I have 3 kids and whilst I occasionally buy online- it’s only really gifts etc or the occasional marks and Spencer / Asda uniform things.

Why is moving to a bedroom from the kitchen when WFH stressful?
You’re kidding, right? Imagine if every day at the office you had to pack up your workspace and shift it all upstairs then pack it all up at the end of the day then unpack it all again the next day. Like hot-desking but worse. I had to do this during covid when DP and I both WFH and it was horrendous, it’s one thing too many. We moved and having my own office reduced my stress and overwhelm considerably, especially since I can now shut off from work. Whereas OP sits down to dinner in her workspace, puts kids to bed in her workspace. It gets under your skin.

Not the point of your thread but I'm surprised you're spending 600 on food for four full time and two part time people.

We are a four and spend less than half that.
Sorry, now back to your thread! :-)

Welcome to being a parent in 2023! Its shit isn't it? I feel the same, not helped by my job having too much of a workload and too little time to complete and being suddenly out of my comfort zone (I'm quite shy).

Don't listen to parents 'advice', especially if you feel they had it easy. My mum worked pretty hard as a single parent when we were younger, but not when we were baby/preschool age as she was on benefits/very part time work. I've worked almost FT hours right the way through and have a child with very complex needs. I still respect her opinion but she has no idea how hard it has been, especially in a time of economic decline and deep inequality. It was shit in the 80s, but it's pretty terrible now too with less of a safety net of council housing etc. Plus two wages doesn't equal a comfortable life anymore.

I really don't think this way of life is the ideal. Many MNetters purport that two parents working is, but it just isn't for everyone and is very stressful to maintain, made worse by a stagnating UK where hard work gets you nowhere and money not going as far. Very depressing. Add in a big life event to the mix and it is no wonder people are struggling now.

My son is old enough to start doing chores, so he is doing chores this week for money, but as a part of that he has to tidy up after himself generally (without financial reward). If the kids are getting money for outings or pocket money make them earn it. It will also set them up to know nothing is for free in this world.

I find online shopping for things an utter nightmare. I just plan a trip to town every couple of weeks to sort things I can't get in a supermarket out. I only buy supermarket clothes for everyone as its easy to return and i dont have to pay for it. Wilko used to be a godsend for household stuff and it's gone now, which means I can just pop into town and get it now and have to do another trip somewhere else. :(

For the person posting about school shite, just ignore it. I do muftidays, foodbank days and anything dressing up, parents eve and reading, but everything else is as and when i remember. I don't buy photos or christmas cards. I've not got infinite space in my brain for this shit.

I hear you @chatenoire.

I'm sick of living in a run down, messy house that despite my best efforts, is quite often dirty.

No one will off their own back clean something. My older boys are disgusting, they will sit in piles of rubbish and then get up and leave it. I do pull them up every single time - but they don't stop!

To be fair our house is run down and requires a lot of work, next week we're having the front room plastered so it'll be one room is nice (when done). But as a family of lazy folk, we'd all rather be doing anything than sorting through stuff to get rid of or tidy away!

Your mum is right, tbh, it is what it is. Her personal circumstances as you grew up are irrelevant really.

How old are you/your children? Our life was the same until ours were teens. It gets better.

@Everythinghasgonetoshit Oh, yes – I do as little of the school shit as possible but it’s all floated in front of you, isn’t it? I find even just knowing about it and the endless influx of requests stressful, and you can’t mute it all because they send everything on multiple channels and don’t differentiate between mandatory, useful information and “we’d love all DC to come dressed as reindeer tomorrow!”, it’s all mixed up and jumbled together in newsletters written in illegible font with different information because one hand doesn’t talk to the other. We’ve been given three different dates for mufti day, via a PDF on WhatsApp, a notice on Dojo, and a .png on email, and they still haven’t sorted out when it actually is, so we can’t just scribble it on the calendar and forget about it till necessary. Multiply that by everything the school does, and multiply that by life, and I’m never getting the cat I wanted because my life is too full of work as it is.

I understand why you are choosing to shop at Lidl, however, I really would recommend giving online shopping a go, maybe at Asda which tends to be cheaper than Sainsbury's. It will probably take a bit longer the first couple of times you do it but if you eat similar foods each week it can take just a few minutes after a while . You also get the chance to amend what's in your shopping bag before the checkout so you can adjust the cost if needed .

I think there are pros and cons of WFH - obviously it's really helpful in terms of no commute and being able to put washing on in your lunch break etc , but it can also make you focus more on the state of your home eg things looking a bit tatty that would have a lot less of an impact if you were out all day . Unless your carpets are unhygienic or unsafe I would probably just buy a cheap rug to look a bit better rather than the cost of full new carpeting.

We’ve all done it! I’d just moved countries and had a house sale fall through at the start of the first Covid lockdown, DH had just started a new job and I was still working remotely in my UK job, and we had a homesick seven year old to homeschool — all this in a tiny Airbnb, where DH was working from a sofa or sharing the one two-seater kitchen table with DS and his school books, I was using a bedroom windowsill as an office.

If moving her stuff is stressful, the OP needs to work in the bedroom, rather than use the kitchen.

Honestly, you do sound a bit easily 'done'. Your kids aren't babies, you have a fully functioning adult as a partner, and going to the bank/PO registers on your radar.

Minor tip, Royal Mail will collect for free so skip the PO.

Only if I have a printer! (Which I don't, the 13yo broke it).

But no, the one that babies the children is my DH not me

This!!!

Most companies will come and collect a return from your home now. But I hardly think going to the post office is that big of a deal. Can you not go on your lunch break??

'life admin' seems to upset so many on Mumsnet, I'm not sure I've ever given it much thought. Usually gets done on my phone in the evening once kids are in bed, takes minutes usually. Driving kids around is annoying but it's your choice. You can say no, kids will not be damaged by only getting a couple of clubs a week. Chose clubs they are straight after school so your evenings are ruined. Your kids sound older so can they help with chores? Try and do a little bit every day so the weekend isn't overwhelmed with cleaning. I only do basics at the weekend, spent 30-45 mins a day doing a clean of one room, I follow TOMM which does help a lot. I only work 20 hours but have young children so not much time at home. Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays are busy busy days, ferrying kids to school/nursery/swimming/clubs, but then Wednesday and Friday are much more chilled.

For money that the kids get sent just transfer that amount from your account to theirs and then use the cash for shopping saves having to take it to the bank.
Many places offer courier collection to return things now.sontry and limit orders to places that offer this.

Royal Mail will print the labels for you. Unless it's international post.

Online shop with Asda or Morries prob no more expensive than Aldi if you are playful, which online shopping allows you to be. Even if you don’t mind physically shopping, it will free up a couple of hours.

streamline other online orders so you aren’t returning much.

As PP said, tfr cash ants to your dc accounts and remove need for bank trips.

And definitely get your kids to pull their weight, sounds like your partner is but they could help more.

Just spend the cash on shopping in actual shops??

You need to get a tiny bit more organised and structured in order to enjoy life more.

Sit down with a glass of wine or cup of coffee one night and set up a core weekly shopping list of all essentials to be delivered by a local reliable online service. Then once a week you just need to spend 15 mins adding to it or excluding items you don't need that week. do it with a glass of wine or cup of tea, nice music playing, so it doesn't feel too much like a chore.

Have at least two nights a week where dinner is zero effort - either ready meals (most supermarkets do good Indian or Chinese ready meals at a fraction of the cost of takeaway) Or filled pasta with pesto and bagged salad. Ore oven baked sweet potato fries with cod and peas. On those nights, consciously relax. Watch a film or listen to a podcast while taking a long bath.

Get the whole family to spend an hour on Saturday or Sunday morning blitzing the house. One hoovers, one does the bathroom, one the kitchen, one strips and remakes the beds and changes the towels. Finish off with a quick dust and polish. Play family music while you do it - disco or Abba, something a bit cheesy and cheerful.

At the weekend just create a chunk of time - about four hours - which is all yours, to do what you like. Make sure your partner has the same amount of time too - at the weekend or during the week. Use it to go to the gym and have lunch with a friend, to get your hair done or go to a matinee or an exhibition. Or to go out on Friday night with mates. Plan something to look forward to each week in your chunk of time.

Sunday teatime, another family blitz getting ready for the week ahead. DC's responsibility to check sports gear is clean and in the right bag, homework completed, water bottle sterilised etc. Spend an hour on this together.

Find ways to solve the club issue on Sunday - can you car share with two other parents so you take turns every three weeks? Or DH does it alternate weeks.

If you freelance, can you take on an extra job or if not, do some overtime which you allocate specifically to some aspect of improving the house. I used to find extra energy to work more hours if I knew the income was directly paying for a new carpet or a weekend away. I would actually mentally think: this morning paid for panto tickets or that weekend flat out has just paid for redecorating our scuzzy bedroom.

It is tiring. Find tiny pockets of rest and fun. They grow up eventually (mine have) and suddenly the house stays clean and the fridge full and the air is silent and your time opens up.

Oh blimey. Sorry for the essay.

When you add both at least I have to make the special trip to either the bank or post office once / twice a month.

Put the money in envelopes and deposit it every two months only.

Parcels - are you perhaps spending a bit of money on unnecessary purchases, could this be considered? Just a "Hold on, do I really need this now?" check before you hit "Order".

I agree with others about trying an Asda online shop at least some weeks, and looking at what you're eating to see whether there's scope for at least one veg soup + bread or egg and chips type meals a week.