To think this is the most stupid advice anyone's ever given in the history of giving advice

[IncompleteSenten]

Or am I being a twat?

Yanbu - wtf kind of dumb advice is that?

Yabu - it's good advice, get off your arse and try it.

If he used to work in mental health I'm surprised he didn't just tell you to have a cup of tea and a hot bath. That's their normal advice in crisis teams

Seems like mad advice but I think it comes from a place of kindness . I’m guessing he is at work and you are at home? As others have said, he’s not a MH professional and probably doesn’t know what to say for the best. I put my DH through it when I was in ‘that place’. And at least it’s taken your mind off things whilst you posted on here. I hope you can get some proper help soon 🌹

I had a suicidally depressed spouse for a number of years. I tried my best to help him in every way I could. But if you'd taken just one of my messages in isolation, it's possible that I would have suggested something a bit useless or insensitive. I was trying, and once I also had a child to care for I didn't necessarily have the time to phrase everything in the best way and think through every idea.

Exercise can help boost mood so it isn't entirely stupid advice, but it isn't going to do it singlehandedly. That sort of depression can benefit from professional help and/or meds. 'Going up and down stairs a few times' isn't likely to cut it anyway. The person should've told you to see/go back to your GP or consultant. x

You know something 10 years ago I'd have called him the twat of all twats but as someone who's supported a family member with their MH problems and seen first hand the constant trauma dumping and threat of suicide hovering as had on her poor (( Saint)) of a husband as well as all the other stuff lumped on us I'm sad to say I think you're being bang out of order and completely unfair towards someone who's probably constantly searching for the right answer, any answer in fact but doesn't always have them.

This. Yes it is stupid advice. But if you can’t talk to him what is he supposed to do? You need professional help. Go to the GP

OP, please reach out to the Samaritans or a mental health professional. You need the right support from the right person.

I wonder how many times your DP has received a version of your message? He must be terribly worried. He is probably trying to give you the advice he has been told to give you and has been clumsy in the way he did it. But it doesn't matter. You need intervention from professionals. Please don't let yourself be distracted by judging the response of someone who isn't a professional.

OP you’re not wasting anyone’s time. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, and I can understand your reluctance to get the crisis team involved if you’ve had a bad experience with them before.
I know you don’t want to go through that again, but you deserve to be okay, and that might mean seeking out help from the professionals.
You aren’t being ridiculous or wrong for wanting more from your husband. Sometimes you need to be clear on what you need and what he can do to help and support you. If you feel like you could have a calm chat about it, which it sounds to me like you can, it might help you both.
I wish you all the best and please don’t be afraid to reach out to services. I’m a crisis worker and I promise you we aren’t all bad 💐

When you're in the depths if despair ANY sort of advice isn't going to help in that moment. Although you didn't ask him for advice, it's natural for people who care for you to want to help.

It's for this reason I find phoning Samaritans helps me. Sometimes I just need to cry and cry, dump a load of stuff out of my head onto someone who isn't judging, doesn't know me and isn't meant to dish out advice. And I can call them the next day and say the same thing.

Do you never get any time to talk when the children won't hear?

I actually think him suggesting something small (i.e. achievable) and physical (distracting and gets you moving) wasn't too bad. You have nothing to lose.

footprintscommunity.org.au/resources/introduction-to-dialectal-behavioural-therapy-the-tipp-skill/#:~:text=One%20of%20our%20favourite%20DBT,are%20going%20to%20consume%20you.

I think he is suggesting the 'intense exercise' part of TIPP. It's evidence based and does work

I suspect he would have been better had it been preceded with some validation of how you are feeling but this is a snippet of a convo so maybe he did also do that.

I don't think it's quite the right reply to the message you sent him but I wonder if this has been an ongoing issue he is feeling out of ideas or feeling a bit helpless. In this thread op you've been reluctant to seek help because you found the help overwhelming and don't want to be admitted anywhere but proper medical help is really what you need when you are constantly feeling suicidal.

I've been the support person for someone feeling the way you are and it's actually quite tough for that person too. I get that you want him to soothe you with some magic words to make it all go away but the reality is all that will do is keep it at bay slightly. You need some proper help to be able to get better.

I wouldn’t have a clue how to reply to a message like that. You need to seek a professional

Well it does sound stupid but hasn’t exercise been shown to help depression?
Okay I know it’s a bit more than running up and down stairs a few times, but if you can manage anything some walking in the fresh air on a regular basis might help if only a little.

I don’t think it is. It’s a small manageable target. Lying around in bed thinking thoughts like that won’t help. He’s trying to get you out of your head.

Do not underestimate how draining this will be. You might like what he’s said but really, what can he do? You’re messaging him suicidal thoughts.

It's actually very very good advice.. might help until you can seek better help or until your husband comes home. It's NOT bonkers at all.
Going up and down stairs will boost your mental state, as the physical exertion releases pain-killing endorphins – the feel-good hormones that help to relieve tension and lift the spirits. The regular exercise will raise your energy levels, making you feel generally better about the world.

I think he is suggesting the 'intense exercise' part of TIPP. It's evidence based and does work

Intense exercise is not going up and down stairs a few times for most people, though, getting any lift in mood at all takes a bit more than that.

@Pertangyangkipperbang 'A few times' is not going to get those results.

That's the kind of useless advice my GP gives. Yeah, exercise helps your mood, but when you are feeling that low it is impossible to find the energy to do it.

Well that's the example given in the DBT training I did. Run up and down stairs or do squats. It's just whatever you can manage to get your heart rate up which is different for different people. If you have to go on a 10 mile run it's not going to be accessible to most people.

are you at home alone now with the dc? How old are they and is he out at work? For how long and how far away?
Have you voiced your ideation to him like this before while in sole charge of them?
I feel bad as missed the bit about the dc being there before.

It's usually given as a suggestion, as something that is known to help many, many people, and worth trying.

Have you found something that did help you?

Your husband is a prat. Did his advice work? It would have most definitely distracted me. I would have been shocked, a bit confused and probably angry. He's a sap.

I do this guided meditation and it really helps. I have intrusive thoughts and suffer from suicidal ideology.

It would also help to create a safety plan so you have something to follow when you are feeling overwhelmed or like you want to die/ suicidal.

It's shit and I'm sorry you are there in that place. I've been there many times.

It's a bit blunt. the tone of the two lines are so incongruent. It's a bit like he had a paragraph in between the first and last sentence that got deleted....

While there is method in exercise for emotional dysregulation, it needed softening a bit.

Overall though his intentions aren't bad- he sounds like a good egg generally so perhaps he's questioning himself for writing that right now!

Years ago I finally admitted similar to my now ex H and he went nuts shouting at me for being selfish and how he couldn't handle that right now. Never mentioned it again to him despite being very unwell he however used it as stick every time he wanted to dig at me.

Hope you feel different soon