To think this is the most stupid advice anyone's ever given in the history of giving advice

[IncompleteSenten]

Or am I being a twat?

Yanbu - wtf kind of dumb advice is that?

Yabu - it's good advice, get off your arse and try it.

Gosh, I thought my husband was emotionally dense - this takes the biscuit!

I'm sorry you're having a shit time of it OP. Have you considered counselling? Private counselling is around £45/hour and easier to access (and more private) than NHS services.

Have a proper sit down chat with your DH and remember to suggest he go up and down the stairs a few times next time he needs some advice ;)

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this OP. Don’t be too upset, it is a very clumsy response but he’s probably just a bit lost. He’s not a professional and it is good advice. I know it’s really hard to motivate yourself to move when you’re feeling like this but exercise really does help.

Instead of the crisis team, can you go and see your GP?

Lovely empathetic reply from @Whadda .

It's not your fault OP. hope tomorrow is better. If you can, maybe reach out to your MN nurse?

Well did you try it? If going up and down the stairs a few times is good for depression I think I've been taking the wrong pills for years 😳

Seems a bit simplistic but could have been worse, you could have posted on here and someone would certainly have suggested that you listen to your gut

On the surface it sounds weird but when you think about it then it's not. Its the indoor equivalent to go for a walk. You are focused on external things eg not tripping up, you are getting air into your lungs, you are getting the exercise feel good sensation. Its quite clever really.

I also think you need further support from someone who is able to give it. Maybe your husband has hit his limit. Go back to your GP etc. Sounds like it's time

It's actually something my son's been recommended by his OT, for when he is feeling disregulated and distressed. We even remind him of it when he feels like that.

It wasn't recommended to me, but I think the idea behind it is changing your physiological state to change the emotional response.

Crazily enough, one of the best things for instantly helping my depression was a cold shower and Wim Hoff breathing exercises...I think he actually invented the method when his wife died and he was in unbearable emotional pain. I remember the first week I tried it saying it was better than Sertraline and wishing the nurse had told me about it while I was waiting for medication to kick in.

At the time though, when I was suicidal, I could barely get in the shower so it would have been a terrible suggestion and I might have thought she was nuts and trying to make me more miserable.

It is difficult to know the right thing to say when someone is so low...but the way the OPs DH has phrased it seems so dismissive, even if he thinks it would help.

@IncompleteSenten I would be encouraging you to speak to the crisis team.
My son was seriously mentally unwell and sectioned for long periods of time. Sometimes I just run out of the right words.
Hugs

What advice would you have liked him to give? Is it just a listening ear and not actual advice as it doesn't sound like you'd have been happy if he'd actually acted on your words and contacted the crisis team.
Can you call your nurse in-between sessions?

It’s not great advice, but it’s not absolutely stupid. As PP have said, it’s a start.

It is proof your partner is not professional mental health support, and you shouldn’t be using him as such. He may want to help, but he can’t be your therapist, and it’ll kill your relationship if he’s your only source of support. I know it’s easier to trust him than a stranger, but you mustn’t put this on him.

I can't imagine how your husband must be feeling while you tell him about your suicidal thoughts, but possibly scared for you, helpless, sad, maybe a bit angry? Possibly really confused and at a loss on how to help you. Just cut him some slack and get proper help rather than ridiculing him on a public forum.

Can you at least see a counsellor op?

I know you are fearful but this is your life we are talking about. It’s too precious. Please get some help

To be fair his advice is similar to the advice I got on the phone from the mental health crisis team when I felt suicidal. I got told to put a bag of frozen peas on my forehead or go walk up and down the garden a few times 😬. It might feel like shit advice at the time (I felt like telling them to f#ck off) but I guess it’s kind of like mindfulness where you distract your brain. Distraction can be good, trying to focus on other things, trying to look for positive things…but it’s easy for someone who’s not feeling low to suggest these things, not so easy for us to see that they may help.

I think he means get some exercise, as per pp, walking up and down stairs as an alternative to taking a walk/run. During lockdown this was suggested to people to get blood pumping and endorphins when they couldn’t leave the house.

you said that you couldn’t talk to him, are you able to get done talking therapy or see GP??

Going out on a limb here, but is he thinking that as you can’t leave the children to go for a walk, some up and down the stairs might get your endorphins going.

It reads like well-intentioned bad advice 🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm sorry that youre feeling this way but that's a hell of a message to lay on the shoulders of anyone but a trained professional. No wonder he struggled to respond.

There are people who advise to ‘ground’ yourselves

so when you feel awful you need to see what around you…what colour the walls are…how many stairs…..what marks in the walls etc. I wonder if he’s googled something and come across this grounding advice?

5 things yoh can see. 5 things you can hear. 5 smells

I do think it might be something like that? I love grounding myself but maybe he’s read it wrong 😂

Did you try going up and down the stairs a few times? Did it help?

It is bonkers as a reply. Has going up and down the stairs helped you with anxiety attacks in the past or something?
I only ask because when I've been in the grip of an anxiety attack, doing things like sorting the junk drawer has brought me out of it.

actually.......tho unlikely to follow it-theres a method in the madness in -excercise-even up\down stairs triggers a seratonin release-whilst its not gona cure you,it may actually help a little. .....

While I can understand you may feel frustrated, I agree with those saying it's not terrible advice. It can get you into a bit of a meditative state, rhythmically going up and down the steps, and can be calming for some people. It must be very hard for him to receive that message and I think many people would be lost what to say when really wanting to help, so they come up with something, anything, to try and do that. I hope you get the help you need soon.

Exercise is proven to help with depression.
Not sure Doctors mean goin up an down the stairs a few times though!
Fresh air, out and about and something a little more than up and down a few steps.

Why do you feel that you can put your emotions on someone else and expect them to deal with it? Talk to a professional, you can’t expect perfect advice unless you do.

I also, think it’s really bitchy to post someone’s messages on an online forum.

My son (who also has autism) has paced relentlessly back and forth around our holiday apartment while listening to YouTube videos of planes taking off when he couldn't cope... Keeping moving and the sensory input of the aircraft noise helped him get back into a steadier state of mind. Knowing that, the stairs thing is the kind of thing I might have suggested if I was otherwise at a loss for what to say. Don't be hard on yourself for dismissing it nor hard on him for suggesting it, it's a very difficult situation for you both and I do feel for you.

I hope you can get some outside help lovely

I don’t think it’s awful - you mention wanting to stay in bed and shut the door so maybe this is him suggesting an incremental way for you to get yourself focusing on something else in a non pressured way.

I say that as someone who lived with another person who was actively suicidal for months and the tools we used to try and support.