To really, really want a third DC

[Kindlylight]

I’m 42. I have two lovely children. To have a third would be so stupid but … oh I want one. So much

My teenagers are a breeze.

DD herself was a breeze, but the bullying and friendship issues weren't.

My friend wanted a third but ended up 4!

I'm sorry your dc is having/ has had a hard time of it as a teen but it's not a universal experience. We haven't had any issues, this great MN refrain of letting posters know that their children will turn into teenagers - like it's an inevitable great burden to reconcile just hasn't been my experience.

@RampantIvy i make a point of not listening to those eager to tell you how miserable you’re going to be. Apart from anything else it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. I hope things improve for you but you aren’t me, it could get better, or worse, or both.

I have three, my third has been the hardest by far, lots of hospital stays, more high emotions (epic tantrums!) than the others, everything is trickier with three.
I love my third to absolute bits and when they are here you really wouldn’t have it any other way, but the move from 2 to 3 is infinitely harder than the move from 1 to 2 in my experience.

This too shall pass

Apart from anything else it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

Absolutey not. I didn't see the bullying coming. It was DD's best friend who suddenly turned on her. Even easy teenagers need you more on an emotional level than little children. She is out the other side now, but it was awful at the time.

It has to be said though that teenagers are expensive - clothes, phones, laptops (essential for homework), university.

I meant for me. If I’m approaching the teen years with dread and horror because of MN, then it will be dreadful and horrifying.

As it is, it may be awful, it may be wonderful, it may be both - just as parenting under 3s has been.

Honestly, I didn't approach the teenage years with dread and horror. DD herself was lovely all through, just very sad and upset at times.

I didn’t mean you. I just don’t think it’s the case that you will have an awful time when your kids are teens, so to state it as decisively as you have is misleading. I’m sorry for your troubles though.

I already had teenagers when I had my last baby at age 44. Teenagers need a lot of parenting too, but I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Hormones.

I'm 42, I have 4 dc and I would love more. There is something in me that says mother. If we had the room I'd adopt or foster as many as could fit in my house.

No.

Noone asks this when someone mentions TTC No1. tho. Is anyone REALLY ever prepared for a baby with additional needs or twins?

No

Yep.

Haven’t rtwt
three is lovely
teenagers are (sometimes) lovely
if you don’t get number 3 you definitely get to have a pet. That’s the law.

No, I don’t think anyone ever is. That’s not why people don’t ask that question wrt DC1. The question isn’t really, or at least solely, about the parents. Having DC2, 3, 4 etc means taking into account the impact of the additional child on your existing child(ren). I don’t feel especially comfortable sharing my personal experience of this on a fairly antagonistic thread but it’s a valid question to consider.

Is it an antagonistic thread?

Well, I’ve caught up on the posts since I posted earlier this afternoon and reached the one where you implicitly called a pp a twat for a perfectly innocuous post, and there are quite a lot of posters swiping at each other. So yes, it feels a bit prickly and I’m not going to share very sensitive, personal details about my own DC as a result. I’m sure you understand.

I do get what you're saying
I'm very grateful our complex needs child was the first born and a singleton (had he been a twin, the other one likely would have been healthy) because I just don't know what we'd have done with with twin 4 year olds at home when DS was in and out of hospital for 18 months. And we did hold off TTC no2 because he'd been such a scary journey and we needed him to be stable before we'd even consider it.

I was my mum’s fourth child at 44, so I have to agree it’s a good idea!

That being said, I’m at the opposite end of things. When I’m 44 my two will be 20 and 18 (and I’ll be free 😂). But since your two are preschool aged anyway, I say go for it: (If DH agrees).

I presume it's more of a problem when it's number 3 and unplanned number 4 than if it's numbers 1 and 2 when many parents plan 2 children anyway.

We were sort of hoping for twins first time around as we wanted 2 and I hated pregnancy. If we'd gone for a third (we did not) and it had been twins, it would have been a disaster...

@BretonBlue I think the poster in question was being really argumentative on what was actually quite a nice thread! Goes to show we all read things differently.

The thing with twins is no one plans them, no matter when they appear they are going to come with a certain amount of stress unless you have unlimited money and/or support. But it’s a bit mad to be arguing about how my non existent third child could be twins!