To really, really want a third DC

[Kindlylight]

I’m 42. I have two lovely children. To have a third would be so stupid but … oh I want one. So much

It’s probably a combination of hormones and a bit of sadness for a very wonderful and also very hard time. I think those lines of Tale of Two Cities - best of times, worst of times - apply to parenting under 3s as well.

I guess I just don’t feel quite ready to let go yet. I was looking for something to do tomorrow with my children and so many ads for pregnancy courses, massage, birthing, breastfeeding support, newborn workshops. And it’s a brief moment in my life and already it’s gone forever. And I’m kind of glad but also grieving it.

Posters snapping at me - I’m not planning a third. I acknowledge I’m unreasonable - or would be if I had one. My feelings though, well they just are.

Don't do it. The world is overpopulated as it is, and you already have two lovely children. Unless you are wealthy, not just comfortable, having more could put your family in hardship if you lost your job. A friend of mine is going through something similar (one, in her case, she would like another but it isn't viable for various reasons) and while it kind of sucks for her, it doesn't make her miserable and she has accepted it.

And @Mariposista I met DH at 38, had DC1 at 40, got married at 41, had DC2 at 42!

Not at all U to have the urge. I suspect there are hormones at play.

Sounds like you know your circumstances and are going to make the right choice for you. Hopefully the broodiness passes soon!

Gosh that gives me so much hope. I am 33 next month. Sadly suffered a recent bereavement (so feeling quite rubbish and not that open to 'putting myself out there) and will be moving back home after 10 years abroad next year. I thought I had missed all my chances! You give me hope.
FWIW it sounds like you have a great family there and in your shoes I'd be stopping now. But certainly not judging you for asking the question.

I didn't feel finished after 3. After 4, I did. It was that simple.

Thank you. I appreciate the insight.

Oh yes, very much this. I know two families in exactly the same situation who had unexpected twins when they tried for DC3. Either we know the same people or it is a fairly common phenomenon!

That’s true of any pregnancy though - it could be twins.

When one party was reluctant and had to be talked into 'just one more' by their partner, it makes a difference if those DC are numbers 3 and 4 rather than 1 and 2. Fraternal twins are also quite a bit more likely in your mid forties than in your mid twenties.

It's theoretically true of most pregnancies but the chances do increase into your forties.

I also agree with @BretonBlue that it's relevant if you already have two. Friends who have gone from two to three have said that it was the easiest jump to make. Two to four means significant practical changes -definitely car, possibly house...

I was going to say, since its half-term, go and spend a few hours at Kidzone...that would change your mind. However since you have two pre-schoolers you probably go there anyway 😁

@ThanksItHasPockets - all of which I already have said myself!

I'm responding specifically to your point about twins, and making the jump from two to four DC.

Maybe it would help you to consider exactly what would you like from this thread. Do you want commiserations? Do you want the catharsis of having the argument that you can't have with your DH in real life?

I know how you feel. We always wanted a third and then DH and I decided to stop at 2. Literally the month after we had made that decision, I got a BFP for DC3. It was like the universe made the decision for us.

We have 2 DDs (nearly 10 and 3) and are due a DS in April. We’ll see how he fits in but DDs are both excited for his arrival.

DH will be getting the snip after his safe arrival.

Me too mate, I don’t have anything helpful
to say just that I empathise. I’m a few years younger than you and there are a million reasons not to but I’m still struggling with the thought of never having another baby, I love the two I have and feel lucky every day that I’ve got them but there is still a little space x

Had my third at 41. No regrets, it’s absolutely
wonderful and DH feels the same

This was me. The desperate longing switched off as soon as peri-menopause kicked in. And now it's gone I realise that my dh was right and 3 would have placed a huge burden on us as a family (financial and otherwise). A tiny bit of me still occasionally wonders how life would have been like but I no longer feel heartbroken that it won't happen.

A friend of mine went for 3 and ended up with 4 and it has been very, very hard on them, esp as 2 of their children have turned out to be disabled. Not that they don't love their children - they do - but the life they lead is not the one they were expecting.

Completely understand this feeling!!!

I have a 3 & 6 year old & nearly every month I think what a great idea it is (while I'm ovulating)! I get obsessed with the idea and nag my partner, and a few days later I'm thinking thank the lord he didn't agree to it 🤣.

I get it, at 42 I had to choose endometrial ablation ie definitely no more babies and I felt really sad. I have five children from 9 rounds of ivf and I definitely wanted the ablation, it's about accepting you are in the next stage of your life, the one without being fertile

I am TTC no 2 right now, and for us that will probably be it. But I do wonder if some of what you are feeling is just that it's the end of that period of you life, being pregnant, new born etc. I know when DS was getting bigger and moved from one phase to the next I did think well I'll get to do this again.

I think it’s totally understandable. Some people are broody and want 4ths or 5ths or 6ths… I rather blithely wanted 3 and had 3 and it was only after I had them that I realised what a big deal it is. Never been at all broody for the 4th. I really felt my limits with 3. It took me right up to the edge of what I could cope with.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing its just talking, surely?

You don’t have to live up to your username.

Thanks, all. It’s good to know that I’m not losing my mind!

Just do it, my 3rd is a massive twat, like she goes out her way to be the most difficult child in history. But my god I adore her ans could not in a million years comprehend a life without her In it. No matter what she's worth it

Current children are only preschool.

I thought so. Parenting teenagers is so very different and much, much, much more expensive than parenting little ones.

Never underestimate the emotional toll that having teenagers has on you. You might like to read some of the teenage or secondary education boards to get an idea of what it is like.

I suspect that all the "go for it" posters are just as broody as you.