To ask DD(11) to have THE talk with DS(13)?

[DeceitfulMummy]

DD (11) has been suspicious of Father Christmas for a couple of years now. We are now not sure about DS(13) who has ASD. He certainly seems to believe in the tooth fairy based on yesterday morning when he concluded she couldn't get through because of the bad weather. We thought he'd figured it out, so this upset took us rather by surprise.

DC are not in a UK school (so there has been no Santa gossip at primary) and DS started secondary this year. WIBTotallyU to confirm DD's suspicions and ask her to say something to DS before he starts mentioning it at school?

You might want to think of writing a social story. Xxx and xxx live with their parents. There parents love them so much. X is 11 and x is 13. Every year, xxxx happens at Christmas. This makes Christmas magical.

When xxx loses a tooth, they put in under their pillow. In the morning it is gone. Xxx thinks this is the tooth fairy taking the tooth. Now X is 13 and big. The parents set him down to tell him that the tooth fairy make everything magical. And they wanted to make it magical for X. Now he is big...

(And go on to explain maintaining magic and how this is a sign of their love.)

YABVU. You need to tell him.

why do you think it is your DDs responsibility?

I had this last year with my asd daughter. I genuinely think it I better to come well rehearsed from the parent to avoid feeling of betrayal, but I font personally know your son amd if this might be the case for him many with asd see black and white is my logic behind this.

God from the title a thought you meant a different “chat” lol! You should be the one to tell your DS though. My brother has ASD and he took finding out santa wasn’t real well when we were that age.

We told our son, who is autistic, before he went to secondary as we were worried he would be bullied as he often talked about what Santa would or had brought him.

We were then worried that he would ruin the 'magic' for his younger siblings by telling them about it. We got around that by saying it was his turn to lead the magic and gave him some responsibility on Christmas eve to help. He loved that as he loves being in control.

He was upset when we told him but mostly because that we had lied to him for all these years. After a good explanation he could finally understand why. Definitely would not have been a job for his 11 year old sibling.

My friends daughter went to high school fully believing in Santa and the bloody elf ! I subtly told my friend to tell her the truth as she was going to get roasted but she was insistent she would be fine. Fast forward to the elf coming out and her going to school telling all the class the elf had arrived. As predicted she got torn apart and ended up going home early in floods of tears. My friend was furious with the other kids but it was her fault. No kid should go to high school believing

ASD kids are emotionally younger and can be a bit naive. He will figure it out in his own time - it'll just take longer.

wow, what a very incorrect sweeping statement! “Some” would have been the better word here after all- autism is a spectrum and a different way of thinking… not a whole persona! What an ignorant and uneducated comment.

There is never any justification for being "torn apart".

Many people believe things that I don't- god for instance.

That is 100% your job to talk to him and no one else’s - especially not your young daughter! Have you even considered the implications for her if he reacts badly??

I'd tell him the story of st Nicholas and say that he gave gifts to all the children, then say that because it was so magical family's keep it alive by giving gifts at Christmas now as that was long ago, it was what I told my daughter and it went down really well

YABU on two counts

a) thinking there should be a set piece chat about this at all. Best way is to leave DC to sort this one out for themselves

b) posting outside the Christmas topic on a Christmas subject this early in the year. There is a topic specifically so that those who want to do (or plan) Christmas early can do so with like-minded people, but those who find it a shitty, sad, difficult time of year don't have to see it everywhere for weeks and months before it's even Advent. Perhaps you didn't realise (at all, or that it came about from to be considerate) but could I ask you (and other readers) not to be a dick about it? If you really can't wait until Advent, could you at least try to use the topic until at least after Remembrance Day?

You need to do this OP.

When my children started hearing that Santa wasn't real from friends at school (prob about 7 or 8 yrs old) I sat them down and explained that Santa only goes to children that believe in him...it's a choice that each child makes...some of their friends had chosen to stop believing and that was fine and it was up to them. Followed it up with a viewing of Polar express which reinforces this idea..job done. Good luck..the magic of Christmas is a wonderful thing #istillhearthebellring.

Yes, me too.

Any talk about Santa though has to come from an adult. Don't put that on your other child.

Why oh why do parents still feed kids this stuff? The only certainty is that one day they are going to be disappointed.

Why is that certain? I was never disappointed. I don't even remember finding out. My mum always asked me what I wanted from santa. Even when I was in my 30s. I was never disappointed when I knew my presents came from her instead of a man in a red suit from the north pole. From about 20 I started giving her a present "from santa" as well as from me. It was never discussed. Just a natural progression.
Obviously I'm not saying all people/ children will be fine with it. But it's definitely not a certainty they'll be disappointed either.