To ask DD(11) to have THE talk with DS(13)?

[DeceitfulMummy]

DD (11) has been suspicious of Father Christmas for a couple of years now. We are now not sure about DS(13) who has ASD. He certainly seems to believe in the tooth fairy based on yesterday morning when he concluded she couldn't get through because of the bad weather. We thought he'd figured it out, so this upset took us rather by surprise.

DC are not in a UK school (so there has been no Santa gossip at primary) and DS started secondary this year. WIBTotallyU to confirm DD's suspicions and ask her to say something to DS before he starts mentioning it at school?

Can’t lie to your kids for years then get one of them to bale you out. That is all kinds of wrong.

I never understand this stuff. Santa does exist - DH is Santa in our house. When FIL 'told' my DC aged 11 and 13 that Christmas was for Jesus etc etc and Santa didn't exist my son deadpanned that he was taking a scientific approach and whilst he had empirical evidence of Santas existence every year, he had zero evidence of the existence of God. FIL was so enraged he stormed off and hasn't been at Christmas again which was an added bonus.

I told dd2 (ASD) when she was 8 after she was so petrified to go to sleep because she didn’t want a strange bearded man in the house 😬, I think dd1 was a similar age. Dd1 never really believed in any of it I don’t think, she is high functioning autistic and is very black and white, everything needs an explanation and magic isn’t real, but she was also aware that others believe and she wasn’t to mention it at school or to any on their children.

My DD, with additional needs is 25 and still believes. I’ve told her countless times that I am the one who brings her presents- she laughs at me!

That's your job, sorry.

That’s your job to do, not DD’s

A friend in her mid-thirties decided to skip the usual letter to Santa a couple of years ago. Her autistic brother who is approaching 40 took this to mean that Santa had died and that Christmas wouldn't exist going forward.
I would look for advice from people who have personally dealt with this before and have the talk directly with the children.

This is really lovey!

It should always come from the parents.

I never told my DD and I dread to think how she found out.

She’s an only child and so it would have had to have come from school and she must have been heartbroken.

Definitely get in there first but tell them to keep it a secret.

I was the kid who found out (aged 4 or 5)that Father Christmas didn’t exist and am afraid I told all my classmates a bit later. Still a girl who’s bitter I told her this when she joined the school at 7.

don’t make your daughter do that. It’s your job as a parent. (Like other posters am puzzled though how they can still believe at their age!)

I avoided that chat altogether.
My 23 yo DD and I still make cookies for santa and leave out a carrot for rudolph.

The magic of father christmas is very real, he exists in the magical landscape of the imagination, the myth woven though cultures and stories, created in our dreamscape.
He absolutely exists, and I have presented him as a real mythical creature from the start.
Children totally understand make believe, and my kids have been excited to take part in all the magic over the years.

There was no big reveal, no disappointment, never will be.

When my youngest was 6 his (much) older brother (12) told him that Christmas has been cancelled because Rudolf had gored Santa to death.

After hugging a crying child, I had a very different talk with that young man.

I'm not sure why it's necessary to have "the talk"? My parents never did with me and nor did DH's. We are now adults with no kids and still leave a cookie, a carrot, and some Bailey's out for Father Christmas (and one of us sneaks downstairs to take a bite out of the cookie and carrot, and down the bailey's 🤣).

I have ASD. When my mum sat me down at 11 to tell me that Santa didn't exist, I laughed and said that I'd known since I was 5 (when I'd been awake and seen my Dad leave the presents). I figured Santa was something that my parents wanted me to believe so I did what I thought they wanted me to do and pretended that I believed he existed - an Oscar-winning standard performance it would seem.

By the same measure, I believed in the tooth fairy and fairies in general for much, much longer (into my teens I think) and was pretty sad when I finally realised they didn't exist.

It's said that the human life course consists of three stags in this respect. First, you believe in Father Christmas, then you don't believe in Father Christmas and then you are Father Christmas. Given the sheer variety of beliefs encountered across the broad sweep of human cultures, it's not that egregious. But for people seeking to carry on believing this into puberty, it might be advisable if they were told to be careful about mentioning it to their classmates.

I told my daughter about Santa and The Easter Bunny one day in the summer holidays in the car on the way to a friends because she was about to go into year 7
she was SO annoyed with me but kind of accepted it

got to my friends house and dd says ‘ hey guess what? Mums been lying to me my whole life about Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny!’

my friend says ‘ oh no! Are you upset about the tooth fairy too?!’
She then was very upset about the tooth fairy too 🤣

if looks could kill … Dd had had letters from the tooth fairy and 100% still believed it all 😂

Wow, I can’t believe an 11 year old only suspects he’s not real. 😳 not sure whether to be impressed by your ruse or worried about your kids.

Either way, you cannot ask your younger child to parent for you, no.

yeah no chance the 11 year old still believes in Santa

My 11 year old believes. We had to tell my almost 13 year old before starting secondary school

That’s not the talk I thought you meant. Imagine combining the two. Sorry kiddo, Santa’s not real but on the plus side, you’ll be delighted to hear how babies are made 😂

I don’t understand how kids get to secondary school age without working out for themselves that Santa is impossible. Kids need better maths lessons or something. I’m sure my 4 year old would believe in Santa without thinking about it too hard, but we’ve already had conversations about some numbers being too big to count (half a million birds in a nature documentary), so I can’t imagine it’ll take him too long to work out Santa can’t deliver presents to millions of children around the world in 24hours. 30 hours if we’re being generous about how long a night lasts.

Phew. Thought you meant the other talk 🤣

For goodness’ sake, No-one needs to talk to anyone. They can believe for as long as they want to.

I teach in secondary school and in Year 11 (so 15 and 16 year olds) two of my form came running over to me during a PSHE activity called 'I remember when ...' One of the statements said 'I found out that Father Christmas isn't real'. They said we had to hide it as their friend (who was mentally and emotionally immature) still believed. Her mum had actually asked the friends to keep up the pretence. She left secondary school still believing. I was so shocked that I walked into the staff room with a look of shock on my face that others asked if I was alright. No one had experience it before in Year 11. Please do tell your son. It is better coming from you than waiting as long as my student did.

I hate this.

just leave them be, let them believe in the magic of it all, while the do or want to.

Glad it wasn’t just me 🤣🤣🤣