I think my wife is alcohol dependent

[1995boy]

We're in our 50's we have both worked our arses off and raised beautiful kids who are doing amazingly well. Wife is great she's an amazing mum, she's funny. sexy, intelligent. I love spending time with her. So far so good but she likes drinking, not day drinking or getting off her face drunk but come 6 o'clock she'll be opening the wine and will get through 2 bottles, not every night but maybe every second night.. I worked away for a few days and she spent the whole time in the house. She's has a sports car/limitless budget for clothes etc. i don't think im doing anything wrong but she's not happy either

1995boy · 23/10/2023 00:40
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So weird that my wife , with an alcohol problem, is getting a kicking even though me, as a man has admitted to facilitating her and buying her alcohol . I've even said that I think she's depressed and that I've bought her alcohol because it makes my life easier”

Ok, getting a whiff of some sort of agenda now or a reverse.

Do you drink together? When you've talked about it with your wife , what does she think?
I agree with you that you have helped facilitating this by calling her up and asking her what she wants to drink.
My ex drank and he would always buy me a bottle of wine when getting his beers. It was too easy to drink a bottle of wine a night. We split up and now I only have a drink about 4 times a year.
If you drink together, you need to stop drinking. Tell your wife you won't be picking up alcohol on the way home.
I don't really like alcohol now , once you reap the benefits of clean living you don't want to back.

Good luck

Addiction isn't down to what you drink or when or where. Addiction if when need over takes want.

I have an addictive personality and have skirted close to alcoholism a couple of times. I have learnt to separate needing a drink and wanting a drink. I try my hardest to only drink when I want one. Usually a specific drink in a particular situation -a single cold drink sat in the beer garden on a summers day and not many, alone and in secret because I just have to have it there and then.

Do your wife a favour take all the alcohol out of the house except 1 mini bottle of wine the ones that are about a glass. See how she reacts to not being able to have 2 full bottles. The next day sit and have a frank discussion about her drinking. I think the response will be very telling about her relationship with alcohol

Women tend to suffer the health consequences of alcoholism earlier than men.

It doesn't matter if it's naice quality middle class burgundy; 80+ units of alcohol per week is alcohol abuse and will wreck your wife's health.

That said, this isn't about you OP. Your wife needs professional help and intervention if she stands any chance of recovery.

I actually wouldn't stop buying her alcohol until she has had a health assessment though. She may be dependent upon it and need a to follow safe, medical detoxification programme.

However, I'm afraid the sucker punch is that she will only stop drinking if she wants to, and is given the right support. Even then, it will be very, very hard.

God, that's a lot of alcohol. I would struggle to continue sharing a life with someone drinking to that extent.

It’s also reckless to diagnose the cause of addiction, especially somebody we don’t know.

Normally it’s a very complex group of issues, some situational sparked somehow, with some therapists believing there’s an addiction gene that lays dormant to many of us but can be activated in some of us.

Please don’t let’s try and work out why she’s drinking

It can actually be really dangerous to suddenly quit drinking so definitely seek professional help.