I think my wife is alcohol dependent

[1995boy]

We're in our 50's we have both worked our arses off and raised beautiful kids who are doing amazingly well. Wife is great she's an amazing mum, she's funny. sexy, intelligent. I love spending time with her. So far so good but she likes drinking, not day drinking or getting off her face drunk but come 6 o'clock she'll be opening the wine and will get through 2 bottles, not every night but maybe every second night.. I worked away for a few days and she spent the whole time in the house. She's has a sports car/limitless budget for clothes etc. i don't think im doing anything wrong but she's not happy either

No reason to blame. Just tell her you're worried. Only she knows why it's happening at this point. Just let her know you accept her and aren't judging, and you'll support her. Therapy would be a great way for her to find her answers.

If she’s drinking two bottles of wine a night she’s an alcoholic. It also means she will still be intoxicated the next day if she is consuming that much.

Thank you for your measured reply. I don't think my wife is an alcoholic, she's has some serious issues from her past that she seems to have smothered for years and have come to light. She's dealt with a shit ton of stuff and overcome it. Therapy is probably the way to go but she's just not ready to talk about it

As you have financial resources I think the first thing I would do is pay for a full health check up and fibroscan of the liver. You do it with her try and make it a positive thing to do now you are in your fifties.

Could she be hiding something, a struggle with menopausal anxiety around going out, loneliness, loss of driving confidence or license. You need to talk.

An average bottle of wine is around 10 units. More if it’s a strong red.
If she’s drinking two bottle in a sitting it’s pretty close to 20 units.

Is this is a reverse and you're actually the wife posting as if you are the husband?

She's very much sounds like an alcoholic, I'm afraid.

Also it could be considered enabling, if you buy it to keep her happy and it makes your life easier.

But it isn't your fault. And you can't change her unless she wants to change herself. Suggest you look into Al anon who provide support for those concerned or affected by another's drinking.

Why would anyone do that?

Is she working

We have a business and we're equal partners, she earns more than me tho

Your wife isn’t getting a kicking.

She certainly sounds alcohol dependent and quite unhappy. Have you tried talking to her about it?

Absolutely I have tried talking to her. We're not kids, we're in our 50s

Sorry that sounds abrupt, apologies

To get opinions on a situation without admitting its them in fear of getting a "kicking", or to see what someone would say to the other person.

I recently addressed my drinking because I thought it was too much.

I was having 2/3 bottles per week.

In perspective, your wife is having over double what my concern was.

2 bottles of wine a night, every second day is not good. I consider myself to be a well seasoned wine drinker and if I had 2 bottles, I would be hammered.

You need to have an honest chat with her and let her know you're concerned for her health.

My partner approached me and I am glad he did or I would have spiralled.

I have cut down to 1 bottle per week now and I am satisfied.

Thanks for your perspective it means a lot. We'll have a chat tomorrow x

People think that alcoholism is only day drinking, not turning up for work, homelessness etc - the unacceptable face of alcohol consumption. But posh wine at home is somehow different. It isn’t. Two bottles of wine a night on a regular basis indicates she has a problem with alcohol. It’s not her fault - it’s an addictive poison.

You need to sensitively talk to her so she can seek help. It has to come from her - don’t make this about you. Consider joining Al Anon yourself for support. Good luck.

Thank you so much for your advice

I'm starting to realise that maybe my wife has an actual addiction to al

alcohol and she needs my help. Thank you for your advice its very much appreciated and hopefully I'll be to put it all to good use and get her back to herself again

I hope goes well!

Some will deny when confronted, I did at first until I actually was forced to listen to what was said and was asked did I want to die early and leave my child without a mum at a young age (which hit hard because I lost my dad at 6)

She will need therapy. AA or even just a normal counselor with addiction experience. I went to a therapist who was brilliant, and completed timeline therapy. and I finally realized I was using alcohol as a substitute for boredom and loneliness.

When I get a feeling I want to buy a bottle, I get myself moving. I go for a walk, I do a chore, I go to the gym or I get out of the house and visit a friend, family etc.

Getting professional help will allow her to explore why she drinks, which is a big factor in healing.

I wouldn't suggest she cuts down until she is willing to get help, and has her first appointment as its really difficult to do it without professional help.

Best of luck to you and your wife!

She doesn't 'need' your help. If anything you 'need' to stop helping her. You need to stop enabling her. Stop trying to make everything smooth and look up codependency. Because you sound like you are in the grip of it. It is very common for the partners of alcoholics to be codependent.
You cannot do ANYTHING to stop your wife drinking. She is the only person that can tackle it and you risk pushing her further into denial if you assume responsibility for her drinking. Find your nearest Al Anon meeting and go to one. They will help you beyond belief to realise that you didn't cause your wife's alcoholism, you can't control it and you cannot cure it. But they'll help you rethink how you deal with it.

Umm… do you feel like you have a lot of say in your wife’s life?

Its coming across as you think you’re pretty generous to give her free will?

Alcohol abuse in the "middle classes", wine not buckfast, malt whisky not cheap cider, cognac not lambrusco is a huge problem which is not tackled with sufficient research, help and support.
It may be because the violence, anti social behaviour and toxic lives are less obvious and better suppressed. By all involved.