Would you say something is going on?

[LesMom6849]

I’ve been dating someone for nearly a year now, another woman, however over the last 3-4 weeks or so, I’ve had an inkling that they are potentially seeing someone else…

We live a couple of hours away, but have talked about moving in together at some point in the future, so we don’t see each other during the week at the moment. There has been 3 different occasions now over the last 3 weeks where a ‘friend’ of hers has been randomly attending events where she shouldn’t be at… it’s to do with sports that GF does but her friend doesn’t… which means that GF has been taking this friend with her and not telling me.

For example, she said that she was going to watch a show with her sports team but then I found out from photos that were posted that this friend who doesn’t even know her sports team was there too… so obviously GF has taken her with her and not mentioned it, and then today her and her sports team was going out after their match and this friend is in the photos again today… meaning that GF has taken her along to her match so her friend can watch her and again not mentioned this to me.

AIBU to find this really weird and to think something is going on? How do I even ask her about this?

edited to add - she has also been out until really late, being quite vague about where she has been and not even looking at my messages whilst out recently too…

bump?

When are you next seeing her in person? I would maybe mention it then. Could you say something like "Has X started to play the sport as I've noticed she's been at your sport events recently?"
Or you could just see if anything feels a bit off next time you see her.

Please tell me if I am being totally rude, but it is something I have wondered about.

I am straight, love my hubby, but very much enjoy the company of my female friends and would happily go along to events with them that I have no particular interest in. We also enjoy moaning about our partners (all male) when we get together, it's quite cathartic and good know we are all married to idiots. This doesn't lead my husband to wonder if there is something going on between us.

If you are in a same sex relationship, I assume you can you still have friends of the same sex that you are not attracted to, who are just friends? Or is that complicated?

So, what I am saying, is this other person just a friend who you partner just likes doing stuff with because she is a female friend, like I have female friends?

I am not dismissing your feelings though, if you are concerned, then you need to be asking your partner.

Def. speak to her about it when you meet in person. I would go with the vibe and how she answers.

@LesMom6849 is this your first same sex relationship?

Usually your gut feeling is correct. It's time for an honest conversation about were things are going because to not see each other during the week after a year doesn't show much progress. It's either she's genuinely a bit lonely and this person is a friend, or it's a budding relationship.

It's a bit odd she hasn't mentioned the friend attending things. It's normal to say things like "A is going to the event I'm doing,"

She’s hiding in plain sight. As well as lying. The next step will probably be gaslighting you” She’s just a friend! I didn’t realise you were so jealous? I am allowed friends, right?”

Then the othering of you “ You’re always so busy and want to relax when you visit”

She might try and pick arguments and then dump you, she might gradually fade you out with fewer visits or she might come clean. Looks like she is in the giddy stage of a new relationship to me.

Called her out on it and she’s been seeing this girl behind my back the entire time… so that’s great!