Why are there so many single parents

[Nowhereqw]

Don't mean to offend anyone but I am new to UK and noticed there are so many single parents.
I am from Asia and most families I know have two parents so I am just curious about it.

Because most men are shits.

It's cultural differences and less social stigma as others have said. I have many close Indian colleagues who are in very controlling and financially abusive marriages (marriages which were originally arranged for them by their parents). They would never even consider divorce because they see it as something shameful despite the fact that they have very little freedom in their lives due to their husbands. For example, one such colleague asks me to buy stuff online for her and send it to my house because her husband doesn't allow her to do any online shopping.

Because we know staying in an unhappy relationship messes the children up more.

I'm a single parent because I have two young children and having stbxh around was like having a third. Funnily enough I AM better off financially since he moved out because he spent a lot of "our" money on himself and I basically supported myself and the kids. That being said it's fucking hard work and I hope to raise my boys to be equal partners.

Yes I do. I’m far better off now that my ex isn’t here to spend family money on booze and fags. There is also a whole grown arsed man less to feed and clothe and keep alive.

So yes. I do get more money 😄. More money for me and my children to have a much better life. Not ashamed of it.

Not when the woman has lied about contraception.

Historically speaking, a lot of it is 'access to divorce' as in 'does the law allow them to divorce?' Either as not possible at all or only possible on satisfying difficult-to-satisfy criteria. No divorce for marital rape, no divorce for adultery committed by the husband, no divorce for most abuse.

Well presumably there were two parents in most cases at conception? But relationships break up for a variety of reasons.

In all seriousness though, I’m a single mum because I saw my worth and I chose not to live a miserable life with a horrible man. My children also deserve the stability that their happy one parent household brings over an unhappy two parent one. The finances are just part of the multitude of reasons why I’m now single parent.

so what happens in Sri Lanka if couples don't get on? What happens if abuse is involved?

Also, I know a number of women who are lone parents because the dads simply walked out. Does that not happen in your country?

Yes, I mean legally allowed or able to divorce. For example, when divorce was allowed by law in England and Wales in 1857, there was a double standard because men could divorce their wives for adultery, but wives had to prove adultery and another ground. So, it was easier for women to separate than divorce (and that is what they did). Once women could petition on the same grounds as men in 1923, that is what they did. Over time, the grounds for divorce were extended (but still limited) and also where you could divorce (for example, you used to have to go to the divorce court in London but then, I forget when, it became possible to divorce more locally).
Then after the Second World War, it became possible to divorce on legal aid and in 1969 (?) on the grounds of having separated.
Each of these legal changes led to more women seeking divorce, in fact, after the Second World War in Scotland, more women than men sought divorce.
I cannot remember the name of the author, but he had looked at changes in women’s employment and earnings and changes in the law around divorce and found it was the legal changes which were more important (I don’t think he was saying that money was not important).
(I read a lot about divorce when I separated, it is very interesting, it made me feel less like a failure!).

I think there’s also an element of couples not trying hard enough. People often focus on having the perf3ct marriage, but a perfect marriage is rare, and you get bumps and issues in relationships that can be worked on and resolved, but people give up at the first hurdle. Obviously not including situations like dv in this.

What a ridiculous thing to be curious about

People have fought long and hard for the legal choices we have in this country. And they have been much debated and discussed. I think that is important to bear in mind. It’s much better to stay married because the marriage is working and functional and/or you want to make it work than because you have to stay. Women were really treated terribly when they had no choice but to stay married (and in fact, many left and lived separate lives anyway).

Because he was abusive

My husband died.

I'd add the difference in family structures to some of the reasons given above. The U.K. family is very much a nuclear family with societal expectations that children are only their parents' responsibility. (Caveated by the fact there is a lack of pressure for men to stick around and be decent fathers). That puts an awful lot of pressure on parents to do it all. That causes pressures in relationships, especially when our society is still very gendered but in a way that means it's mothers who often have to do it all, whereas fathers don't.

Very generally speaking, other countries still have far more of what the U.K. describes as extended family. That means parents have support with children and as a family unit. Of course, that results in different pressures such as caring for elders perhaps while still raising children and perhaps familial pressure to stay in a relationship or interference in it. But I'm a big believer in the saying "it takes a village to raise a child". In the U.K. that village has often become just two people and when it gets too tough relationships are affected our society means men can act like shits and walk away from their kids. So the village may well get reduced to 1 person (where hopefully friends, at least, become an extended family of sorts).

Even better

I love my DH to bits but istg he is like a fifth child

because women are not willing to put up with shit from (some!) men anymore?!

thats why

@Livelovebehappy Out of interest who would you say had not tried hard enough, the person who went off and cheated many times or the person who instigated divorce on grounds of adultery?

Because women are free here to leave.

How many people do you know who didn't try hard enough? When me and my EXDP started having issues, I asked him to go to therapy, he said no, abc continued to do so until the day I left him 2 years later.

For months and months our relationship continued to decline, while my EXDP put his fingers in his ears and said nothing to do with me.

At some point, self respect has to become your priority, and I chose me.

I'm glad to live in a culture where if you marry someone who becomes abusive or who makes you unhappy, you can end things. And gay people can marry each other rather than having a fake marriage to the opposite sex. In the past people stayed with abusive partners to keep up appearances and gay men married women. Thankfully we've moved on from that.
I feel for people who are still forced to stay in abusive or unhappy marriages for cultural reasons. Very sad.

My dh is about as absent as you can be. He died. My kids are absolutely lovely and thriving thank you.