AIBU to think this was wildly irresponsible?

[LylaLee]

I have a friend, "Ann". We used to be close but lost touch.

She and her partner have a 5 year old and she's just had a new baby.

She had put her 'birth journey' on Facebook. (Text, not video/pictures)

She and her partner have a third person in the relationship, "Carol", a woman who is her partner Bob's girlfriend. It was the three of them in the bedroom. (The 7 y/o was with a nanny in another part of the house).

She wanted a birth with no medical professionals, just the universe, incense etc.

Bob delivered the baby with Carol helping.

They wanted a lotus birth (where you don't cut the umbilical cord). But the placenta was not detaching, so after a few hours after the baby was born, they went to hospital (baby outside the body, placenta inside, umbilical cord still attached.)

None of the three are medical professionals. She's an artist, he's a musician and I don't know what the Carol does but Ann said she'd not a nurse/doctor/midwife when I asked.

There's nothing wrong with having a baby at home. Nothing wrong with the 7 year old being there.

But to have no medical person present is disgusting. She could have died, the baby could have died.

I said congratulations, but I feel disgusted by her selfishness. They could have left the 5 yo motherless.

FFS.

AIBU to be appalled? On mobile so I can't enable voting.

It is perfectly legal to have unassisted birth and it’s parental choice. Would you feel similarly appalled if everything went well?

The whole set-up is totally nuts!!

And yes, totally irresponsible and stupid!

Yes, I would.

I said congratulations, but I feel disgusted by her selfishness. They could have left the 5 yo motherless.

What was their reply?

Is the child 5 or 7?

I just said congratulations. I didn't say the wtf part.

I was trying to fudge identifying details. 5.

I’m not sure it’s really any of your business tbh. Completely up to them!

I’m sure there are things that you do that others would not agree with.

That's why I didn't say anything to them. That's why I'm on AIBU to find out if everyone else thinks this is bonkers or everyone else is like, "no big deal".

If everything they did was legal, then your opinions are just that.....your opinions. Especially as this isn't someone who is a close friend any longer. I'd shrug it off and let it go.

Congrats to the happy throuple.

Of course it’s irresponsible and selfish, I don’t see how anyone can deny that.

They've actively chosen something that isn't in the best interests of their baby. When your approach, right from birth, is to do what is best for you, disregarding the safety of your child, you're often not a very good parent.

Yes, that's what AIBU is. Opinions.

So why are you saying it to Mumsnet?

It's like you've munched popcorn all through the Facebook updates, but couldn't bring yourself to say what you really think.

That would be fine if you kept it to yourself, but here you are on an open internet forum slagging them off.

Why?

from a medical point that's very high risk.

Women have been giving birth for millenia. In nature.

I am glad I can access hospital treatment when needed (as I did), but not sure why this has to be put on a mumsnet forum.

It's more about your judge-ey pants being hauled up and being superior.
Thank fuck you're not my neighbour.....

You've told us that both she and the baby could've died and you're asking if we think that's no big deal??

Because there would be no point saying it to them. We are not close. They had already done it.

There are thousands of threads here every day with people talking about things. That's literally what AIBU is.

You're not just 'talking' about it you're inviting a judgemental bitch fest.

That's something quite different.

Women have been giving birth for millenia. In nature

And dying

When they needed medical help, they went and got it.
I can't see the issue.

>women have been giving birth for millennia

Yes, and it's been the leading cause of death in women for millennia. Now we survive childbirth and die of cancer, stroke or heart disease instead.

Well there are people on this thread saying it is no big deal.

Yes, I'm on AIBU.

You came onto AIBU to cast judgement on a situation.