AIBU to think this was wildly irresponsible?

[LylaLee]

I have a friend, "Ann". We used to be close but lost touch.

She and her partner have a 5 year old and she's just had a new baby.

She had put her 'birth journey' on Facebook. (Text, not video/pictures)

She and her partner have a third person in the relationship, "Carol", a woman who is her partner Bob's girlfriend. It was the three of them in the bedroom. (The 7 y/o was with a nanny in another part of the house).

She wanted a birth with no medical professionals, just the universe, incense etc.

Bob delivered the baby with Carol helping.

They wanted a lotus birth (where you don't cut the umbilical cord). But the placenta was not detaching, so after a few hours after the baby was born, they went to hospital (baby outside the body, placenta inside, umbilical cord still attached.)

None of the three are medical professionals. She's an artist, he's a musician and I don't know what the Carol does but Ann said she'd not a nurse/doctor/midwife when I asked.

There's nothing wrong with having a baby at home. Nothing wrong with the 7 year old being there.

But to have no medical person present is disgusting. She could have died, the baby could have died.

I said congratulations, but I feel disgusted by her selfishness. They could have left the 5 yo motherless.

FFS.

AIBU to be appalled? On mobile so I can't enable voting.

That makes it sound like you're against ALL homebirths, not only unassisted homebirths. Or am I reading it wrongly?

As PP said, if you have a trained professional there, they have knowledge, training, monitoring, equipment and medication with them to deal with some of the most common emergencies.

It's a million times better than what went on here.

Yes I know, I had a homebirth although they're quite common here and the midwives are extremely good. But they don't drive ambulances and in theory a swift bleed-out could happen at home.

@Dutch1e the homebirth midwives carry the blood clotting drugs and have suturing kits don't they? They do where I am anyway.. so they could handle most bleeds until an ambulance arrives. Altho tragedies do always sometimes happen its true.

Iam planning a homebirth and tbh here they seem extremely well equipped to deal with most common things which might go wrong at least until they could get u to a hospital.

Suturing kits definitely, but I don't think blood-clotters, no. As far as I'm aware they're not authorised to administer any meds (apart from the Lidocaine they rub on before that suturing kit comes out! (To be clear I'm in the Netherlands as my username probably shows but I don't want any confusion).

In fairness it's extremely rare that anything happens as any at-risk pregnancies tend to be booked in for a hospital birth from the get-go.

And the midwives have so much emergency training that I really couldn't have felt safer. The opposite actually, I was so comfortable and relaxed from being in my own home with such amazing support, I wish the OPs friends could have had that option.

People are absolutely bonkers!!! I'd love to have listened in to the midwife / dr conversation on their arrival.

Ikr

As a PP said, trusting in your body 'knowing what to do' is very foolish. Mine had no fucking clue with my first-born. Back to back labour lasting over thirty six hours, pushing for over two, ultimately resulting in me being forced to squat for contractions (I've been paying the price for the damage caused for years) and having a large episiotomy. I don't know for sure, but strongly suspect I would have died (and my DC) if my situation had occurred at home with me refusing medical intervention.

I was very lucky to have a midwife led unit at my local hospital with three water birth rooms, which I was able to be in both times. The great thing about them is big reduction in unnecessary intervention but if you need a doctor they are a minute away at all times. I just cannot see the sense in wanting to distance yourself from possible life saving care at such a dangerous time.

I understand people wanting a natural birth experience but labour/birth can go wrong and needs a medical professional there to ensure the safety of mother and baby.

And for those who say plenty of women give birth /have given birth without medical intervention.

Yes but often not by choice and do we really want to aim for circumstances where statistically women and babies are more likely to die?

An unassisted birth is legal, but to assist when you are not qualified to do so (except in an emergency ) is not i believe.