I'll let you know in the morning if I'm not too hungover

[lightpineapple]

Agh

Dating someone who I'm very fond of and who I think is fond of me. From the beginning I have thought there were lifestyle incomptabilities that would mean a relationship would be unlikely to work. However, we like spending time together and have been happily doing so for around 6 months now.

Yesterday I asked if he'd like to spend tonight together. I've had an exhausting week so plan to be in relaxing anyway, would be nice if he joins, no issue if not.

He said he'd message me today and let me know if he's not too hungover. Obviously no message yet and I don't expect one for quite some time....

It's just beyond me that at this point in life (35 i think he is?) you'd go on a night out and not being able to stop yourself getting so wasted that you'd end up losing the entire next day and evening. Am i being too harsh? I like to go out, but the punishment of being ill the next day means I am very moderate in my drinking Also, in this economy, the cost!

I know it's a pointless thread as I either need to decide it's not for me and end it, or accept it and not mull on it. But it's hard when you like someone and I feel I definitely can be too judgemental when dating.

In a house share at 35 !! Messy, lazy and prone to binge drinking. Sounds a great catch !!

no biggie if he goes out, and has a hangover.
no biggie if he is too tired/hungover to not join you - he's not leaving you dangling, given that he didn't actually have firm plans to see you (ie he had already planned his night out yest, and you then asked if he wanted to join you this evening)
A biggie for me (from his perspective) would be that if I felt a bit rough and got invited to yours for Netflix, that I'd be tired/snuggly/relaxing, then get booted out the door as you're not allowed overnight guests! So I can see why he's reluctant

It's the lack of respect for your time that immediately makes it a no from me. Not saying no, not saying yes, but expecting you to just hang around until he decides if he can be arsed. Fuck that. It's irrelevant whether you were planning to have a quiet night in regardless - that's just excusing his disrespectful behaviour.

Please, for the love of God, take it from those of us who've been there, done that, and let this kind of thing go - don't put it with it. It will only get worse and you deserve better than this. You deserve consideration and thoughtfulness, not to be made to feel like you're second place to his eighth pint of Saturday night beer.

That's immature and kind of rude/comes across as he's not that bothered about you.

Binning him sounds a good idea.

It seems like you've answered your own question OP. You know that you don't want to stay with him, so end it. Until you do, you can't open the door for someone who is actually a better fit for you.

I'm older than 35 and regularly text "maybe if I'm not too hungover" BUT if I really want to see someone, I'll make sure I'm not. Or I'd see them anyway.

There is nothing worse than waiting for someone to make a decision. However, how many times has he done this?

If you’d asked him to meet you in the morning I’d understand his response. But I agree with you, grown adults shouldn’t be drinking so much that by the next evening they’re not in a fit state to spend a few hours chilling on the sofa.

I'm confused at people having a go at him? OP literally asked him yesterday when he already had his plans to drink/go out... he said he would if he wasn't hungover, it wasn't him cancelling on previously made plans - it was a bonus meet up tonight?

She thinks he's 35. You don't have to drink too much at that age for a long recovery.

I couldn’t date a man like this.
He sounds like he’s living more of a student lifestyle, not that of a responsible adult man. Heavy drinking/ spending whole days hungover would be a big turn off for me personally and I’d be looking for someone with their shit a bit more together.

I'm 48 and nowadays I lose a whole day to a hangover if I have a bottle of wine. I can't drink any more than that without being ill. Unfortunately the fact I am now a massive lightweight hasn't really registered with me yet - and I still like a glass of wine - so I regularly have horrendous hangovers!

However your man is in his 30s and not in the menopause. I think the problem is that if he's out at the local nitespot every Saturday doing tequila slammers until 3am, and you're up and about and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed wanting to do stuff at weekends, your lifestyles just aren't compatible.

Oh op . Move on. If he was into you he would want to be hungover with you !

I’m 48. I get worse hangovers than I used to, so I don’t drink with as much abandon as I used to. I’d feel like an idiot who’d got what I deserved if I wiped out an entire 24 hour period.

This!

It’s not judgemental to have standards. It’s discernment.

I’m not going to judge anyone for living their life how they please, but personally, I wouldn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship with him.

Tbf though that’s the voice of experience. Before I got tangled up in marriage, dc, and paying utility bills, I was far less picky. I thank my lucky stars that I ended up with my dh and not some of the other men I fancied along the way.

Run, don’t walk…!

I’d never get involved with an alcoholic or someone who’s heading in that direction. My dad was an alcoholic (happy drunk, not violent) but they make crap partners and parents because deep down, they’re completely selfish and unreliable.

Is anyone else wondering what kind of place the OP is renting that means she can't have any overnight guests?

A convent?

I don't really see the massively big deal on going to a night out and expecting yo be hungover the next day if it's a rare occasion and not every weekend. It probably would have been better if he hadn't told you.

House share in mid 30's can be 50/50 if it's a red flag. Dirty and untidy is a turnoff. But I'm do take offence (lighthearted) calling people who go to bed late and sleep in being described as student lifestyle. No way will I have mu alarm on at 7am on a Sunday for no reason other than 'adulting'

I'd guess a lodger renting a room. Seems to be quite common that guests (especially overnight) not allowed.

My verdict too. Ain't nobody got time for these man babies.

You've never spent the night together?! In 6 months? That's just wild to me OP!
What is it about your rental situation that prevents it at yours?
Why do you never stay over at his?

Not the point of the thread but what kind of place do you rent that bans overnight guests? I can only imagine a hostel or some kind accommodation for people on parole. The set-up sounds worse than his house share tbh.

Anyway..what everyone else said. I wouldn’t consider a serious relationship with a man in his mid 30s who still has a student life mentality. If you are just looking for fun (although not sure how the physical fun works if neither of you can sleep at the others house) then go for it but this guy doesn’t sound like long term material.

.

''I might come over if i'm not too hungover'' ?? 😳 WTF?

I'd tell him to forget it and i'd block his number.

I do not come second to a pint of beer. Certainly not at 6 months in!

😂😁🤣 I definitely prefer my (not hungover) cat who does want to chill every evening.

Not sure there would be many takers for the Teen DS substitute (sounds like one of those shitty supermarket substitutions where they give you things like a bottle of detox instead of tampons).

Why cant you have guests over night?