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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hand out trick or treat sweets

106 replies

AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 10:53

We’ve moved to a new estate in the last few years and there are lots of kids. They’ve started coming earlier and earlier trick or treating, and so I’m expecting some this week and have bought the treats in already. Last year they were two weeks early and I had to say to come back nearer the time, as we had nothing in. TBF, it’s usually older ones with one in just a mask that do this, and the littler ones fully dressed up do it the weekend before/on the night of. Last year we had some come round into Nov as the kid had been poorly and we didn’t have anything in so they ended up with a bag of crisps 😂

Anyways, we buy a few bags of mini size chocolates and those lollies and refreshers etc. I also put things in like glowsticks and spiders etc, but we’ve noticed that most kids will pick out quite a few each, and I always panic that I’m going to run out. We had a group of five last year and they took a handful each, and then came back again on their way back out of the cul de sac and I had to say they’d already been. Their parents were with them too.

AIBU to physically hand the sweets out to them, rather than let them grab handfuls? I’ve tried saying “take two treats” but then I feel tight saying that too. I’ve also tried not putting as many in the bowl, so that it doesn’t look like there’s loads to grab. Some of the neighbours left sweets out by their front doors last year and a group of kids went around and took the lot in one go, so I’m not keen on doing that.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 22/10/2023 19:50

We get loads of kids but only on the night. I would tell them to come back if they arrived any other day. We have pumpkins out but only carve and light them on the night, and put a few decs out. But take them down the next day.
Most kids only take one sweet, if they (only a handful of very young ones try) are grabbing a handful i tell them to leave some for their friends. Towards the end if I have a few I tell them to take more than one. Once I'm out i blow out the candles and stop answering the door - after 8.30 it's only the odd teen chancing their luck anyway.

1AngelicFruitCake · 22/10/2023 19:50

If anyone was cheeky enough to come before or after Halloween I’d just look confused and say it’s not Halloween yet.
Someone on our estate asked on our Facebook group last year if they could come the night before as they were busy on Halloween!! So cheeky!

momonpurpose · 22/10/2023 19:59

I have a bowl and I take 3 or 4 pieces to put in their bag

ohtowinthelottery · 22/10/2023 20:08

I had one lot turn up early last year (first time it's happened) and I just told them they were too early snd to come back on 31st.

I never put all my sweets in the bowl in one go. Always keep some back to top it up later. If I see a child taking too many I just ask them to leave some for other children!

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/10/2023 20:10

We don't play anyway as for years and years we've had dogs that would be in bits by the end of the night with the constant knocking OR, lived on an estate where if the sweets weren't to their liking (or indeed, were sweets not cash) there'd be threats of windows being smashed, etc...

But where has this idea its ok to go round the weekend before or, whenever you fancy it come from, with parents? I understand rude/cheeky/horrible children trying their luck, but adults?!

They plan on knocking on strangers doors, for 'fun', for something the strangers are meant to be prepared for... for an event that happens on a set date every year...

And think its ok to do this when they feel like it, when its convenient to them, because they're busy on the proper night?

And then theres pouty faces, huffing and crying kids when there are no sweets/treats/dressed up adults to hand them out.

I'd take part now, but from being at friends houses, hearing the neighbours door go, I know that a hint of decoration, even unlit and lights off, means you will get knocks every night for a week around Halloween.

If you can't do it on the night, then tough, you can't do it. If you've prioritised doing something else or its too wet and horrid to take the kids out or its a school night... tough titty. Very much a 'you' problem!

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 20:12

They’ve also told me if they go earlier, people haven’t got sweets in yet and they’re more likely to be given cash, so I know they’re being cheeky but they’re teenagers and I’m used to them

also this part. You’re literally encouraging them to do this and excusing it. It’s intimidation.

Beautiful3 · 22/10/2023 20:17

I had this one year, the day before Halloween! I said I'm really sorry but I don't have anything, come back on Halloween. I watched them go to most of the houses, in the close. No one gave them anything. It was odd of them and their mum to expect anything! I was taken aback a few years ago by kids grabbing handfuls too. I'd never experienced it before, as most kids around here have nice manners. My husband told me to grow a backbone, so I started saying choose one please. That worked.

xyz111 · 22/10/2023 20:18

I always make sure my DS only takes one. Never even two!!!! Don't give them out until Halloween itself. It's weird, Halloween is massive around our estate, but no one comes early. If people are being greedy, just hand them out.

WillowCraft · 22/10/2023 20:18

A friend had a teenager knock at 8am wearing school uniform once.. on the 30th,..

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 20:23

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 20:12

They’ve also told me if they go earlier, people haven’t got sweets in yet and they’re more likely to be given cash, so I know they’re being cheeky but they’re teenagers and I’m used to them

also this part. You’re literally encouraging them to do this and excusing it. It’s intimidation.

How am I encouraging them? You don’t know how the conversation went, I literally say they’re being cheeky and I told them that. Beyond telling them that it’s cheeky, I can’t parent them outside of school. As I’ve said in other posts, it’s the little ones with parents that I feel like I don’t know how to handle or if I’m being mean towards them. I’m used to teenagers, and so I can handle them better.

OP posts:
PurBal · 22/10/2023 20:26

@budgiegirl how many?! We don’t get any. Cities, towns, village never had one. I don’t buy sweets anymore. (And yes we’ve done the pumpkin).

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 20:26

AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 20:23

How am I encouraging them? You don’t know how the conversation went, I literally say they’re being cheeky and I told them that. Beyond telling them that it’s cheeky, I can’t parent them outside of school. As I’ve said in other posts, it’s the little ones with parents that I feel like I don’t know how to handle or if I’m being mean towards them. I’m used to teenagers, and so I can handle them better.

Show quote history

There should be a full stop between “I literally say they’re being cheeky and I told them that” as I didn’t literally say the latter in my post. But I did tell them at the time.

OP posts:
Budgiegirlbob · 22/10/2023 20:42

PurBal · 22/10/2023 20:26

@budgiegirl how many?! We don’t get any. Cities, towns, village never had one. I don’t buy sweets anymore. (And yes we’ve done the pumpkin).

We live in a small close on a large modern estate, with a lot of young families. Almost every house in our close puts out pumpkins, and a couple go all out with amazing decorations, lights, sound effects etc, so practically every child makes sure they visit our close. It was quite a shock the first year we lived here, after getting almost no callers at our previous house!

I buy cheap lollipops and give out 1 per child!

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 21:01

Beyond telling them that it’s cheeky, I can’t parent them outside of school

yet, at the same time, you’ve posted asking if you should be handing out sweets for the three weeks around Halloween and stating that you have done so, so far…

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 21:03

They’ve started coming earlier and earlier trick or treating, and so I’m expecting some this week and have bought the treats in already

that’s pretty encouraging no?

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 21:12

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 21:01

Beyond telling them that it’s cheeky, I can’t parent them outside of school

yet, at the same time, you’ve posted asking if you should be handing out sweets for the three weeks around Halloween and stating that you have done so, so far…

And the point of my post was to ask if this was reasonable or not. It seems to be the norm around here, so I didn’t know if other people were just accepting of it or if I was being tight.

OP posts:
happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 21:14

This is awful. Why are people feeling pressured into giving them cash? Knocking on doors when it's not Halloween and demanding stuff. This sounds like a police matter

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 21:15

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 21:03

They’ve started coming earlier and earlier trick or treating, and so I’m expecting some this week and have bought the treats in already

that’s pretty encouraging no?

No, I don’t think so.

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 22/10/2023 21:19

As a point of principle - say “oh you’re early, come back on Halloween and I’ll have treats then.” Do not give money or sweets before.

you can give out one sweet each. This is fine.

I have an 8pm cut off - at that point I put the bowl on the doorstep with a sign saying “help yourself to one sweet each, do not ring the bell.” I always expected first child coming round to take the lot, but usually it lasts a while.

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 21:22

I’m sure kids aren’t demanding things or being menacing, unless we consider all trick or treating as demanding food while dressing up as menacing entities. I think people are expecting them all to be ASBO hoodied teens all threatening elderly people, when they’re 12/13 year olds trying it in to get some extra sweets and thinking they’ve done brilliantly to get 20p if they can. I know it’s cheeky, I agree that they shouldn’t be doing it, but I hardly think it’s a police matter. Maybe you’re all in places with better crime rates than round my way, but the police won’t be coming out for kids trick or treating too early.

OP posts:
RaspberryJamTart · 22/10/2023 21:23

I don't think I'm going to bother this year as the last few years when I have taken my DC out to trick or treat in local area I've caught people literally emptying all the treats so noone else can have any (I leave a bowl with some out) and I've also seen parents driving their children round in cars from area to area...ie not local which also is not in the spirit of it for me.

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 21:24

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Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 21:24

Anyways, at least now I know I won’t be tight to hand out my treats, nor to say come back on the 31st. Unless of course I deem them an adorable little ghoul and then I may give them double or even forgive them for being early.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 21:25

This reply has been deleted

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Please don’t insult my capability at my career just because you don’t agree with me on something.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 22/10/2023 21:28

31st only and if their parents haven't taught them decent manners, you'll have to do your best teacher impression and give firm instructions.