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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hand out trick or treat sweets

106 replies

AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 10:53

We’ve moved to a new estate in the last few years and there are lots of kids. They’ve started coming earlier and earlier trick or treating, and so I’m expecting some this week and have bought the treats in already. Last year they were two weeks early and I had to say to come back nearer the time, as we had nothing in. TBF, it’s usually older ones with one in just a mask that do this, and the littler ones fully dressed up do it the weekend before/on the night of. Last year we had some come round into Nov as the kid had been poorly and we didn’t have anything in so they ended up with a bag of crisps 😂

Anyways, we buy a few bags of mini size chocolates and those lollies and refreshers etc. I also put things in like glowsticks and spiders etc, but we’ve noticed that most kids will pick out quite a few each, and I always panic that I’m going to run out. We had a group of five last year and they took a handful each, and then came back again on their way back out of the cul de sac and I had to say they’d already been. Their parents were with them too.

AIBU to physically hand the sweets out to them, rather than let them grab handfuls? I’ve tried saying “take two treats” but then I feel tight saying that too. I’ve also tried not putting as many in the bowl, so that it doesn’t look like there’s loads to grab. Some of the neighbours left sweets out by their front doors last year and a group of kids went around and took the lot in one go, so I’m not keen on doing that.

OP posts:
baileybrosbuildingandloan · 22/10/2023 11:49

It's one night only.

watcherintherye · 22/10/2023 11:50

We get a lot of trick or treaters, usually about 150-200 in an evening, but only on Halloween.

Shock Blimey!

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 22/10/2023 11:53

Definitely tell them to come back on Halloween. We usually have at least 30 sets of trick or treaters but it's 31st only, regardless of which day it falls

elp30 · 22/10/2023 12:18

I have never heard of children showing up days before or even after Halloween expecting treats!

I live in the US and even if Halloween falls on a weekday, children do not go out to people's houses on the weekend before. It's only on the 31st, whatever the day. Plus, we don't let children decide what they want or pick their own candy. Usually, the children put out their bag and the adult gives them the candy and puts it in their bag.

I think your neighbors are really taking you for a mug! Don't do it, OP!

Doingmybest12 · 22/10/2023 13:14

We once had teenagers turn up with crash helmets on the weekend before , it was so pathetic and they went away with no issues when we said it was the wrong day.

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 17:23

Doingmybest12 · 22/10/2023 11:38

I'm surprised you work in secondary school but can't manage this situation. Just remind them to take only 1 or hand something to them. Admire costumes, wish them a happy time. Send them away on the wrong day.

I’m more comfortable telling the older ones they’re too early, as they often are the really early ones. But I suppose the ones with parents, I feel sorry for them if they’re early and the parents have taken them, like it’s not the kids’ fault. Or if I tell them not to take too many sweets, I feel both that the parents should be enforcing this and also that the parents will be thinking I’m tight.

I wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable with my thinking that it should only be the night, or if the weekend before was acceptable. Though I imagine they’ll start on the Friday night and keep going until the Tuesday. I’ll just not answer the door until Tuesday.

OP posts:
BlackberrySky · 22/10/2023 17:37

That all sounds very stressful. In my area it's only on the 31st and only to houses that have pumpkins out. I therefore decorate on the morning of the 31st and remove them on the morning of the 1st. No way would I be handing anything out outside of that. If kids try and grab a handful, I just say "Only one each please, there are lots of other children coming" regardless of whether or not their parents are there. Nearly all are fine with it, nobody has ever given me any grief for saying it.

Floralnomad · 22/10/2023 17:47

I wouldn’t be handing out anything before the 31st , and I won’t be here on the 31st anyway .

diamondpony80 · 22/10/2023 18:03

In the years we've lived where we live now we've had thousands of trick or treaters (100+ every Halloween) but not once has anyone called before 31st. It's a bit silly to hand out stuff before then as they'll just keep coming for the next 2 weeks - tell them to come back on Halloween.

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 18:24

You seem to think this is amusing, but as a teacher I’d hope you could see it’s a bit more serious than ‘cheeky teenagers.’ You’re describing groups of older kids knocking on doors for weeks around Halloween, demanding food. You’re laughing about how some of them have told you they get cash as people don’t have sweets. Has it occurred to you that some of these people might be frightened to see 3 or 4 teen boys at the door asking for sweets on a random night and they’re giving them cash because they’re scared? I can’t believe you’re making light of this.

Halloween is one night, and kids should only knock if a pumpkin is out. It’s absolutely unacceptable to have gangs of kids knocking outside of this uninvited

hopeishere · 22/10/2023 18:28

I won't give out stiff before the 31st. And I've learnt from bitter experience to hand the stuff out!! Otherwise there's nothing left!!

Airdustmoon · 22/10/2023 18:51

31st only, definitely. Anyone who knocked here early would get very short shrift!

My estate goes crazy for Halloween but the ones who knock are very respectful. Last year we had tubs of celebrations and they were all only taking one each, I had to tell them to take a few as they’re only small. But the older ones do tend to take the piss when people leave treats out on the doorstep while they go out themselves - which is a shame. One year we’d only just left the house and left a bowl of sweets when a group of tweens/young teens came along and tried to take the lot, not realising that we were only two houses away - DH shouted at them and they scarpered but still got away with half the bowl.

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 19:20

Friend up the road has just messaged me to say some kids have just knocked on her door saying trick or treat. No costumes or masks at all.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 22/10/2023 19:21

AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 19:20

Friend up the road has just messaged me to say some kids have just knocked on her door saying trick or treat. No costumes or masks at all.

Well I hope she told them to get lost!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/10/2023 19:24

We usually get quite a few, but only on Halloween night when there’s a pumpkin in the window. TBH at any other time I’d tell them to come back on the proper day! I’d tell them I didn’t have any sweets - even if I did.
I put the sweets (mini packs) in a big bowl and tell them they can take one each.

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 19:25

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 18:24

You seem to think this is amusing, but as a teacher I’d hope you could see it’s a bit more serious than ‘cheeky teenagers.’ You’re describing groups of older kids knocking on doors for weeks around Halloween, demanding food. You’re laughing about how some of them have told you they get cash as people don’t have sweets. Has it occurred to you that some of these people might be frightened to see 3 or 4 teen boys at the door asking for sweets on a random night and they’re giving them cash because they’re scared? I can’t believe you’re making light of this.

Halloween is one night, and kids should only knock if a pumpkin is out. It’s absolutely unacceptable to have gangs of kids knocking outside of this uninvited

Where have I suggested that it’s amusing or that I’m laughing about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 19:30

TeenDivided · 22/10/2023 19:21

Well I hope she told them to get lost!

Show quote history

She did. They didn’t get as far down the road as us, so I assume everyone must have and they’ve given in.

OP posts:
Rogue1001MNer · 22/10/2023 19:37

Last year we had some come round into Nov as the kid had been poorly and we didn’t have anything in so they ended up with a bag of crisps 😂

I imagine your laughing emoji was why a pp suggested you were laughing about it @AllstarFacilier

Warum · 22/10/2023 19:39

My reply would be 'we'll have treats on the 31st/when it's actually Halloween' and on that night hand them a couple of treats, one chocolate and one non-chocolate.

Original poster
AllstarFacilier · 22/10/2023 19:39

Rogue1001MNer · 22/10/2023 19:37

Last year we had some come round into Nov as the kid had been poorly and we didn’t have anything in so they ended up with a bag of crisps 😂

I imagine your laughing emoji was why a pp suggested you were laughing about it @AllstarFacilier

Oh I thought it was in reference to the teenagers being cheeky that I wasn’t taking things seriously enough, not giving a 5 year old a bag of crisps on the 1st Nov because we’d given all the sweets out the day before when they’d missed out for being poorly.

OP posts:
TryAgainWithFeeling · 22/10/2023 19:40

No way I’d hand out anything on any day other than the 31st! If they’re little ones with parents, then it’s still not your problem - if their parents won’t teach them not to be entitled then perhaps strangers will. One of my friend’s children was ill last year, she arranged with a handful of friends to go round to their houses directly a few days later, wouldn’t have knocked on strangers doors!

Also absolutely just drop one sweet in to their hands/bag/bucket if there’s any issue with them just taking one.

inloveandmarried · 22/10/2023 19:40

Smile when they knock

Compliment their outfits

Count how many children (make a show of doing this)

Then close the door a little and get the sweets/ gifts from behind the door.

This way they know it's one each, and they know that they can't ask or take more.

Then say a cheery goodbye and greet the next lot.

Once you've finished put a notice on the door saying 'treats all gone' and turn off lights, extinguish pumpkins. And don't answer the door.

Torganer · 22/10/2023 19:44

We only do it on Halloween itself. Just put a few in the bowl each time, I expect the children to take a couple each. Most are very good and take one, I say they can take another. We let our toddler hold the bowl so maybe it makes them not grab as much. From our experience it’s always the angelic looking girls aged around 7yrs that grab handfuls, I tell them only two and they need to save some for the others!!

Beamur · 22/10/2023 19:45

Halloween only.
No money.
Pumpkins Out and lit only houses.
Notice on door saying run out of sweets when you've had enough.
Buy rubbish sweets! My neighbour only offers chocolate limes 🤢

Pammela2 · 22/10/2023 19:47

There’s an area in Scotland where everyone goes out on the Friday before Halloween- I’ve no idea why or when this started, but it’s the done thing there.

But other than the above I wouldn’t be giving out treats! You could do a little bag each of you can be arsed? Or just say” 2 each, which would you like and I’ll get them for you!“

Or get fruitella and put them all in individually! A huge house around the corner from us does this and leaves lots of little things in a tray up their long drive- there’s always a lot left. We leave a bucket out too and often have most left. We don’t live in a new build estate though.

My kids are younger and have done a hand grab but I always make them out something back.