Quite simply- AIBU?

[forjustnow]

Background-

2 siblings and a DM.

Sibling 1- public sector job earns 50k, has 1 DC and is the sole provider for them, has a mortgage on an average house. Has a strained relationship with DM, sees them approx 5 times a year.

Sibling 2- built up property, no DC, has 5 mortgage free properties rented out (these are not the main income source). Has a very positive and supportive relationship with DM, sees them multiple times a week.

DM- has MH struggles and has relied on DC off and on their whole lives. DM has always lived in rented housing.

Siblings have an amicable but not close relationship, stay in contact via message etc. Talk if they bump into each other but rarely call/don't spend birthdays & Christmas together etc. Siblings and DM all stay in the same city within about 5 miles of each other.

Sibling 2 has decided (no conversation with sibling 2) that they are giving DM one of their flats. Sibling 1 thinks this is lovely. Sibling 2 then calls (only phone call this year) Sibling 1 to explain the rent they will lose will be approx 1200 a month. This point is laboured over 2 phone calls. DM then also mentions this to Sibling 1.

Sibling 1 is starting to feel under pressure to offer to make a monthly contribution to the lost rent. However, they a) can't comfortably afford it. b)don't want to c) don't think they should as there was no discussion/joint decision making process d) the lost rent is not a main source of income e) would rather use spare money to build security for their DC.

I am Sibling 1. Am I BU?

Without discussion your sibling has signed you up to take on half your mums housing costs to the the on £600 a week? Errrr no you are not being unreasonable.

Any sibling that will go NC with another because they won’t give them money - is a sibling well shot of

but you own the flat, so your concerns about not being able to pay off your mortgage on current family home - no need for them. Your original post indicated your mother was going to give the house to your siblings leaving you out of pocket

The sibling has done no such thing

How do you figure. They’ve offered their mum a property (without discussion); made contact for the first time in a long while and dropped in that they want a contribution; when the hint hasn’t been taken the mother then also takes up the baton to ask for a contribution?

This is actually nothing to do with you.

1 It wasn't your flat.
2 Your involvement wasn't required.
3 You can't affect this happening.

Ergo you have no responsibility to compensate other sibling for loss of income.

Make non commital noises over phone and leave it at that.

No the op has said she “thinks” that they will ask and they are “hinting”

@peebles32

They've not asked yet but I can sense it's coming.

No

They've not asked yet but I can sense it's coming.

Just be upfront. Sibling 2 I think you are being incredibly generous loosing income to help mum. I wish I could do the same but unfortunately I'm not in a position to even offer to cover half of that lost income. Sibling 2 might not actually be hinting for reimbursement but just rubbing your nose in how absolutely fabulous and generous they are (although when reading your post my first thought was who the hell owns several properties but doesn't offer to rent one to their parent even just at a cost covering basis).

Humour your dying mother if you must.

But your brothers must be smoking the whacky backy if they think they have any entitlement to a home that you provided for your mother for free for 25 years.

A pair of entitled CF's, not unlike your mother.

You have been an exceedingly generous daughter.

It ends on her death.

Tell your brothers to get proper jobs.

Thanks billy1966, I actually snuck a look at her will and she’s left half of it to them but of course legally she can’t do that as it’s not hers! It’s difficult when you work hard all your life and then are guilt tripped into feeling bad about siblings who have made dramatically different choices in life. It is sad though as I love seeing my nephews and nieces but I know my brothers will be so angry with me when I don’t give them anything. All they can see is the $$$$ increase in property value.

Money is so poisonous in families.

@Teddleshon how close are you to your brothers? Do you see them regularly?

That they have chosen to run with this batshit idea would be hilarious if it wasn't so completely delusional and self serving.

They never contributed to their mothers care and yet somehow think they are entitled to a share in an asset you so generously allowed her the use of for 25 years.

Batshit entitled is what they are.

This generosity has cost you and your family many, many thousands.

They are absolutely CF's and you should increase your self preservation regarding your CF mother.

Make zero effort to assuage them.

The type of entitled people they are, you would be wise to step back.

Nobody has the right to spend your money except you.

No, I wouldn't pay anything. They knew they'd take a hit on 'profit' when they offered.

@Teddleshon wow. Your siblings are nuts.

My SIL told me once that she would inherit everything from PIL's estate as she had nothing and her brothers both had good jobs.

I said nothing...