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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds2 wants an expensive birthday present

95 replies

Nomoreminecraftplease · 21/10/2023 19:31

Ds2 is 16 soon. He loves adult lego. He also loves star wars. He has asked for a star wars set that's 580 pounds! Thats way too much. He says its the only thing he wants. I've explained its too expensive. I'm out of ideas for alternatives its just such a lot of money and so close to Christmas aswell. Aibu?

OP posts:
rainbowsparkle28 · 22/10/2023 15:07

If you cannot afford it you cannot afford it and he is old enough to understand this. The alternative is as others have suggested could wider family also contribute / do jointly gift for Christmas and birthday? Or agree if DS contributes X amount you could do the rest or you buy it with the understanding there is a contribution made through reduction of pocket money for X period of time possibly?

Spacecowboys · 22/10/2023 15:08

I wouldn’t spend that amount on Lego because I think it’s a complete waste of money. So I’d be telling my dc he needs to save to pay for things like that.

Thesearmsofmine · 22/10/2023 15:09

Give him some money towards it and he can save up the rest by finding a part time job? He is 16 and more than old enough to understand it is too expensive.

DresdenDoll · 22/10/2023 15:12

Gosh my DC are primary age and even they understand that if they want mega expensive presents they have to contribute towards them. When DS was 9 he paid £200 (birthday & pocket money) towards a £600 laptop.

Sceptre86 · 22/10/2023 15:14

Why do you spend more on them individually at Xmas rather than on their birthdays? Genuine question, surely birthdays are more special to the individual? I don't think he should be penalised just because his birthday is close to Christmas. You spent more on your dc1 on their 18th. A 16th birthday is a milestone too. I'd get it but say as it's more expensive you would have less money available towards a party so would have to invite fewer people or compromise on location. If no.party I would definitely get it. Once his birthday is taken care of then you budget xmas with whatever is left.

ttcat37 · 22/10/2023 15:15

No that’s absolutely outrageous. Give him your normal budget in money towards it, and he will have to pay for the rest in Saturday job/ Christmas money etc. I think this is a normal thing rather than everyone else to go without at Christmas

Ididivfama · 22/10/2023 15:18

I’d give him some money towards it and get others to do the same. Then get him something else. Will help him learn the value if money.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 22/10/2023 15:21

My son just got himself a PS5 for his birthday. It's a special Spider-Man edition with the game and cost over £500.

There's absolutely no way we could (or would) spend that much on one child for their birthday, so the deal with him was if he could save half the cost between (whenever it was) and now, we'd get it for him. He literally saved every penny of his pocket money.

I appreciate we may be a bit too close to both birthday and Christmas for that, but would he be willing to do that maybe for next year?

WYorkshireRose · 22/10/2023 15:29

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/10/2023 14:59

Is it completely out of budget? Personally I'd be inclined to get it if it's the only thing he wants, with the caveat that there'll be no big gifts at Christmas this year if necessary.

It’s a lot to spend on a birthday whether you can afford it or not. My DS(10) is able to understand financial limits and has saved up for bigger items, a 16 year old should be capable of doing the same.

Surely it's all relative? We tend to spend more on birthdays than Christmases in our house because they're a celebration of the individual. I'm not suggesting it's an insignificant amount of money, but if (and only it) it was affordable, then personally I'd sooner buy the one thing my DC wants on their birthday than teach them a lesson about the value of money.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 22/10/2023 15:29

Another vote for give him the money you would normally spend, encourage grandparents or anyone else who usually gives him a birthday gift to do make a donation towards the Lego fund as their gifs for birthday then Christmas too. Make a morning out of going to get it from the Lego store when he’s saved enough.

wingingit1987 · 22/10/2023 15:48

I’ve spent more on things like consoles- I’d personally get him it if I could afford it. At 16 most kids are asking for phone, tablets, Xboxes etc so I don’t think it’s outrageous. However, if your budget doesn’t stretch to it could you give him the money to the value of whatever his budget is and then ask family just to give him money to help him save.

LaurieStrode · 22/10/2023 15:50

Cherrysoup · 21/10/2023 19:36

He's being totally unrealistic (and thoughtless). That's a bonkers amount to consider spending. Tell him he'll have to save up and here's £100 towards it.

Yes.

How is it that a boy his age has such an unrealistic expectation?

momonpurpose · 22/10/2023 16:02

My daughter asked for a life size figure from a movie she watches for about that price. I said not a chance kid

GreenShadow · 22/10/2023 16:33

I agree this is an astronomical price!

My DS (who is in his 20s and working) has just bought it and I was horrified when he told us how much he had spent - and that turns out to have been only half the full price as he has contacts who work for Lego/Lego store or something.
I wonder how many they manage to sell...

Apparently he says they only make these Collectors Items type kits for a short while and then stop production. I think it is quite new so sadly is very unlikely to be available second hand.

He took 3 days annual leave when it arrived and spent a lot of it slowly building it. Quite what he is going to do with this massive thing when it is finished.... Not sure if he ever intends to take it apart and do it again.

Cosyblankets · 22/10/2023 16:38

Nomoreminecraftplease · 21/10/2023 19:47

Depends. I have spent more on consoles at Christmas for instance. But usually no more than 150 for birthdays. Maybe a bit more at Christmas for a bike etc

Show quote history

Give him what you would have spent in cash he can save the rest
He's old enough to know the value of money

therealcookiemonster · 22/10/2023 17:04

is it the death star? I'm sure you can get it second hand

Startyabastard · 22/10/2023 17:10

I'd have a look on vinted or ebay

saythatagaintome · 22/10/2023 17:12

Nomoreminecraftplease · 21/10/2023 19:31

Ds2 is 16 soon. He loves adult lego. He also loves star wars. He has asked for a star wars set that's 580 pounds! Thats way too much. He says its the only thing he wants. I've explained its too expensive. I'm out of ideas for alternatives its just such a lot of money and so close to Christmas aswell. Aibu?

Errrm.. agreed. Major waste of money.

iamenougheveryday · 22/10/2023 17:13

@Nomoreminecraftplease I think you need to tell him what your budget is for his birthday and for Christmas, and if it is not enough he will have to fund the rest else where.

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/10/2023 17:23

Surely it's all relative? We tend to spend more on birthdays than Christmases in our house because they're a celebration of the individual. I'm not suggesting it's an insignificant amount of money, but if (and only it) it was affordable, then personally I'd sooner buy the one thing my DC wants on their birthday than teach them a lesson about the value of money.

I too spend more on birthdays but £500+ is a lot of money for a birthday. For me it would be affordable but would potentially set an expectation about the budget for birthday spending which I don’t think is helpful. If literally the only thing my child can think of that they want is a £500 Lego set I think they’ve got it pretty good.

It’s not so much a lesson about the value of money for me as recognising that we can’t always get what we want in a family with multiple wants and needs to consider. If I spent that on each persons birthday in the family it would be £2k which is a considerable sum. I don’t think it hurts anyone to know there are limits even on high days and holidays.

My DS took great pleasure and achievement in saving up for a VR headset, he contributed his birthday, Christmas and pocket money and I topped up his savings when he was in touching distance. He looks after it well because he “worked” for it - he already has an Xbox and knew I wouldn’t be buying another console type thing regardless of affordability so he saved for it. I don’t think he was remotely harmed in that process, quite the opposite.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 22/10/2023 18:59

I think he's old enough to realise it's too much to ask for
Does he have others who buy for him?
Grandparents, uncles etc?
When my sons wanted a PS3( years ago)
Granny paid half and they shared it
Perhaps they could all contribute otherwise just give what you usually spend and he saves for it

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 22/10/2023 19:21

It’s out of your budget and you aren’t comfortable spending that sort of money so that’s the end of it, for me. My son would either be given money or a voucher to put towards it - the rest to be funded with a Saturday job etc - or he’d be bought something else. We certainly wouldn’t be letting a 16 year old tell us that we need to stump up that sort of money for Lego, no matter what people on here tell you. YANBU.

ChickenNugget86 · 22/10/2023 21:39

Give it a few weeks and a replica will be available on Ali express!

EffinMagicFairy · 22/10/2023 21:51

If you get it, keep the box in pristine condition, we bought DS a Lego set unbeknown to us it would become a collectors item, sold it for double what we paid. It could be an investment.

beccy11 · 22/10/2023 22:45

Have you considered ali express? www.aliexpress.com/w/wholesale-death-star.html
We've had a couple of things including the Death Star and cannot fault the quality.