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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds2 wants an expensive birthday present

95 replies

Nomoreminecraftplease · 21/10/2023 19:31

Ds2 is 16 soon. He loves adult lego. He also loves star wars. He has asked for a star wars set that's 580 pounds! Thats way too much. He says its the only thing he wants. I've explained its too expensive. I'm out of ideas for alternatives its just such a lot of money and so close to Christmas aswell. Aibu?

OP posts:
AfterWeights · 21/10/2023 19:59

I want a 30 grand car, i can't have it!

He's old enough to understand you don't always get what you want. Give him what you're comfortable spending as a contribution and tell him he'll need to get a job and save up for it.

Cookingdoesntgettougher · 21/10/2023 20:00

Not unreasonable to say no out of budget. I think it is a bit unfair to link to Christmas expense. He had no choice over when he was born so should not not get a worse present then if he was born in May or June.

nadine90 · 21/10/2023 20:01

My kids both have birthdays within a couple months of Christmas and have chosen to combine their gifts for very expensive things. Does he not realise this is way above budget? My two know roughly what their gift budgets are and ask for things accordingly. I get that 16 is a bit of a milestone, but not big enough to warrant spending 4x what you usually would! X

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 21/10/2023 20:04

paisley256 · 21/10/2023 19:54

Is that the new UCS Venator OP? My 17 year old would like it but wouldn't ask me for it as he knows we don't have that kind of money and even if we did he knows we dont spend those kinds of prices on gifts. He's happy to save his own money.

Yes it is. Just looked on the lego store £559. Still too much

Ds2 wants an expensive birthday present
OP posts:
welcometothnuthouse · 21/10/2023 20:05

DaftQuestionForToday · 21/10/2023 19:53

@OliveToboogie

I bet he'd think you spend an outrageous amount in make up.bags/shoes/clothes/horse...whatever YOUR thing is.

Show quote history

The difference is that OP might have to go to work to earn her money for 'her thing', ds doesn't.

RandomButtons · 21/10/2023 20:06

Nomoreminecraftplease · 21/10/2023 19:36

Do you think so?

Show quote history

Highly unlikely.

bathrobeandpie · 21/10/2023 20:09

He's 16, not 5. More than old enough to understand that it's too much for your budget, and the best you can do is contribute towards it.

He can earn some money to pay the difference.

It's not an outrageous gift, Lego finds plenty of buyers for these sets, but if you can't afford it, you can't (or refuse to spend that much).

Fromthebirdsnest · 21/10/2023 20:10

Tell him your budget give it him in cash , tell relatives that buy for him he would like to buy said lego set and is saving for it & ask if they can give him cash towards it ... he will probably value it more if he saves for it anyway .. £600 is alot of money for 1 gift but lego is expensive... if he waits while he saves he may get it secondhand x

MoltenLasagne · 21/10/2023 20:10

At 16, he is old enough to ask for birthday money towards a gift and then either save, or get a part time job to pay for the rest. He might appreciate the £150 from you more once he's worked a few months to earn his share.

RandomButtons · 21/10/2023 20:11

Give him cash in an envelope - £100, £150 whatever you’d usually spend.

He’s the age he needs to learn that if he really wants something sometimes he has to save for it.

LadyEloise1 · 21/10/2023 20:15

RandomButtons · 21/10/2023 20:11

Give him cash in an envelope - £100, £150 whatever you’d usually spend.

He’s the age he needs to learn that if he really wants something sometimes he has to save for it.

Edited

This and also ask others who buy him presents to give him money as their gift as he is saving for the Lego.
Could you also combine his Christmas present as cash with his birthday present cash ?

Snoreborewhoreee · 21/10/2023 20:27

There is the older version that you can get cheaper on ebay if that would be any good as an alternative it's lego 8039

Otherwise like others have said he could save for it or ask relatives for money towards it maybe x

fyn · 21/10/2023 20:43

A colleague was a massive Lego fan, they had a whole room in their house displaying them all. About 50% of their sets were replica sets, couldn’t tell the difference at all!

WYorkshireRose · 21/10/2023 21:19

Is it completely out of budget? Personally I'd be inclined to get it if it's the only thing he wants, with the caveat that there'll be no big gifts at Christmas this year if necessary.

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 22/10/2023 14:05

WYorkshireRose · 21/10/2023 21:19

Is it completely out of budget? Personally I'd be inclined to get it if it's the only thing he wants, with the caveat that there'll be no big gifts at Christmas this year if necessary.

I guess not completely out of budget. We spent more on my ds1s 18th birthday this year. We currently have £800 in our birthday/Christmas account but that includes celebrations costs well as presents. Ds2s is the last birthday before Christmas. Its such a lot of money for us to be honest

OP posts:
HalfTermAnyOne · 22/10/2023 14:09

We are very comfortable and have an only child and the answer would still be NO.

That is just pure greed. IMO

RosesAndHellebores · 22/10/2023 14:18

Money isn't much of an issue here and our DC have had some expensive presents over the years: cheap car, flute, game cube, other computer game boxes, laptops, speakers, etc.

Pigs would fly before they were given adult lego for £500+. It's adult lego because it's for adults, with earnings, to save up for and to buy.

RigorMortisRadio · 22/10/2023 14:27

If he is really serious and happy to have no other gifts then I would get him vouchers for birthday/Christmas up to what you would normally spend say £250, then ask relatives for vouchers too if that is an option, leaving him to save up the rest.

I think you need to just have a conversation with him and point out it's an absolute no for you to just buy it (even if you could afford it I think it's way too big an ask from him!) but that you are happy to help him with the cost if he really wants it.

GrandHighPoohbah · 22/10/2023 14:33

I would just give him whatever amount of cash in within your budget and the same for Christmas. Relatives could also do the same so by January he might have enough to buy it himself.

Miamonthly · 22/10/2023 14:40

I would go combined birthday and Christmas present - tell him he has to wait until Christmas to get it.

Try over Black Friday for 20% off and if you go via topcashback or similar you may get a further % back… maybe even up to 20% on Black Friday!! (I had a great time last year 🤣)

ILoveToads · 22/10/2023 14:58

That's far, far too much to spend on something like that. I would say the same even if you could easily afford it.

It might be a bit of a life lesson for him to realise that I want doesn't always mean I get. I would suggest putting money towards it and he can save for the rest.

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/10/2023 14:59

Is it completely out of budget? Personally I'd be inclined to get it if it's the only thing he wants, with the caveat that there'll be no big gifts at Christmas this year if necessary.

It’s a lot to spend on a birthday whether you can afford it or not. My DS(10) is able to understand financial limits and has saved up for bigger items, a 16 year old should be capable of doing the same.

Thedm · 22/10/2023 15:01

Either give it to him and tell him it’s for both his birthday and Xmas and he will get literally nothing else from you, not even sweets. That’s it. Or if it’s too much for the combined gift then give him the money you would budget for his gifts and tell him that’s going towards it and he’ll have to save up the rest.

SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 22/10/2023 15:05

I think it would be fair to give him the same amount of money as you spent on your DS1 and suggests he saves for the rest of it.
It’s a bit hard on him if the present fund is less than for your other children just because he has a Christmas birthday.