To get takeaway food instead of cooking Xmas dinner?

[HelloHilda]

I know it's early, but I've been thinking about it recently.

I've never liked Christmas myself/feel apathetic towards it, but since having children I've tried to make an effort for them, but I'm sick of it. My oldest child is 13, and for the past 13 years, it's been nothing but stress and annoyance.

What is the point of christmas when I'm the only one who makes any effort? I'm also the only one who doesn't enjoy it. My husband is useless and doesn't cook, and we don't have a lot of close relatives to invite over, so every christmas it's just me and the kids and my husband eating the food I spent all day cooking. They just gobble it up and show no appreciation.

Also, I don't eat meat but I cook a whole turkey and ham every year for them. I'm not going through that this year. I don't see the problem in just ordering chinese takeway or Dominos pizza. We hardly every eat out, so maybe this would be a treat. I'll buy a cake and some sweets, and that will be it.

I don't see the point in "making christmas special" for people who show me no appreciation, and they eat fast anyway, so it doesn't even matter what the food is. As for decorating the house, I don't care. They can do it if they want.

I got the Cote at home delivery xmas box last year, super easy and did us about 18 meals in total with leftovers (2 of us), soups, bubble and squeak, boxing day toasties, turkey curry etc....well worth it for easiness.

Do you honestly want them to think back to their childhood and remember their own mum not bothering to decorate for christmas and ordering pizza on Christmas Day?! Horrible. You seem like you’re trying to punish your kids. All wrong.

What about their own dad?

Or did he not cross your mind while you were having a dig at the mum here?

@WhateverMate oh absolutely, 100%. But he isn’t here reading this. And if my husband was shitty, I wouldn’t retaliate by being shitty too, because it isn’t about him it’s about the kids. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Do you honestly want them to think back to their childhood and remember their own mum not bothering to decorate for christmas and ordering pizza on Christmas Day?! Horrible.

It doesn't matter whether he's reading the thread or not. This just sounds like sexist shit to me.

Although I appreciate you may not have meant it to.

It does matter, because it’s irrelevant. Him being a crap dad doesn’t give the op an excuse the be a crap mum, and vice versa. If the genders were reversed I promise you my response would be absolutely the same.

My point is, I wouldn’t give a shit if the OP told her husband to make himself a pot noodle for christmas dinner. But to not decorate the house or do anything special for christmas for your kids is shitty.

I can see why you're fed up but how old are your younger kids? Realistically how much help and appreciation do you expect from young kids. Why don't you have a family meeting about your expectations this year. Tell your husband and kids that decorating is their job. And then suggest an alternative to the trad Christmas roast. Planning to have a strop about it seems unfair to the younger members of the family.

Yeah, I agree with this.

We did Christmas without the whole dinner thing one year, and it was a bit strange tbh, very nothing-y. Dh is the cook in our house and afterwards we decided we’d go back to the way it was. Tbh you need to tell your family how you feel so you can start to properly enjoy Christmas and get them to chip in, eg making dessert. Everyone has to help with clean up and clean as you go too. And have a glass of wine with it and some celebrations! Or try the takeaway (but also with wine and celebrations! Then board games. Best of luck op

The kids will probably love it!

YABU. Don’t bother with turkey, get a gammon, a tray of pigs in blankets and if you say your dh doesn’t cook, well he can can damned well peel the vegetables. Even the 13yo can do that. Christmas Day is for everyone, including yourself, so everyone needs to chip in. It’s just a bloody roast dinner.

We're having Chinese this year. My mum is sick and my gran doesn't like to celebrate since losing grandad last year so it's visits and chilled chinese this year and I'm so looking forward to it!

I don't think Christmas is the problem here.

This

We had McDonald's one Christmas Day 😂
We'd gone out for a "posh" meal at a hotel, a family member got drunk and started shouting and arguing so we left.

A family friend of my family always got a huge Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve for Xmas Day. The restaurant even put reheating instructions on each box. It was her kids favourite food which they only got for birthdays and then Xmas so were delighted and she got to enjoy the day as a working single Mum of three children

We followed her example one year and my Dad drove up to China Town and got us a Peking Duck with pancakes and plums sauce. We spent Xmas Day lunch on the long room floor in front of Harry Potter with half a duck and bottle of Cava each and it was great

tell your husband to cook Xmas dinner. Tell him now so he has time to practice and plan ahead if he wishes to. It’s his turn to cook, you’ll wash up.

DH and kids are old enough to help out!

By late primary age kids can set the table, help peel and prep veg, fill dishwasher. 13 yo can definitely help! As for useless DH he needs to muck in also. Lots of prep can be done the night before. By 13 ish after two years cooking at school I could make a few basic dishes & my sibling and I would do a basic pasta or something on Xmas Eve so mum could put her feet up. We loved being grown up enough to help.

Have a firm chat with DH - if he wants traditional dinner - he’s not incapable, even if he’s not a “good cook” he can help under supervision. Kids can help prep / take dishes to the table. DH and kids clear / do the dishes and tidy up while you have a rest and a glass of wine.

Otherwise it’s takeaway so everyone can switch off and relax, but this year mum is not doing it all. Leave the decision up to them.

Do it if it makes you happy. But I don’t think many takeaways will be open Christmas Day

I would have loved this. I had no interest in decorations. Mum gave up trying to get us interested in helping put them up and I wasn't bothered about what we ate either. It would have been the perfect low-key affair for me at 13. I wouldn't have felt like I was being punished at all.

But it also wouldn't have made me appreciate everything mum did for it either as I wasn't arsed about whether we had any of it or not so might not have OP's desired effect.

It sounds like you feel generally underappreciated by your family. It's a shame that's coming out as not wanting to do Christmas which is a really special time of year for a lot of children. Do your kids really not enjoy it/ not care?

I don't think that having a takeaway and not putting up decorations at Christmas will help with your issues.

I think you need to have some conversations with them about how you feel when they don't appreciate what you do for them.

You're absolutely right. She should walk out on them Xmas eve, leave the fridge empty and take the TV remote.

You said your the only one that dosnt enjoy so your feeling salty and going to ruin it for your kids (ignoring your husband who could do more) Christmas is for the kids and the oldest is only 13!! Not putting your decorations up because your husband doesn’t do enough is selfish!! Childhood is really short and as parents we should make it as wonderful as we can for them before it’s too late and they are all grown up

DS (14) does all the cooking in our house (by choice, it’s his favourite thing to do) and he’s very excited about cooking Christmas dinner by himself this year. He did last year’s but under supervision/ with help and he’s said he doesn’t want any this year. DH and I are always over appreciative of his efforts though even when some of his wilder ideas don’t quite work out!

In your case though, I’d definitely first check if any takeaways are open on Christmas Day and then put it to them that they can either get a takeaway or agree to pre-assigned jobs and all make the dinner together.

I would definitely decorate though, I’m sure they do enjoy that in their own teenage way.

Oh and I’d definitely teach them all to start showing appreciation now, even if not for your sake, it’s an important life skill!