Trying to end a friendship

[CandyCane75]

Just that really.
We weren't super close, but saw each other occasionally.
I don't enjoy her company at all. She's pretty condescending!
I've backed off messaging her and now she's questioning why I'm quiet 😳
I was just hoping she'd get the hint.
I don't want a showdown or to tell her I find her annoying etc.
How did you wind down a friendship organically/diplomatically? I don't want confrontation.

I agree with others - you'll still see each other as part of a larger group, so imo the most sensible reply is "I can't commit to meeting up just us, but see you at X thing on Y date".

I had a close friendship go to hell that ended up in several long teenager-y emails about who said what to who, who thought what while saying whatever else etc. And then awkward meetups. And awkward socialising in groups after. On and on and on. I wish future me could have intervened and just suggested a little break with less frequent contact because I was feeling overwhelmed.

@WeeStyleIcon @CandyCane75 I get this too.

A lot of wimps and cowards on this thread.

Just carry on as you are. Say you've been been busy but don't reply straight away. "Been busy with work / family / life. Hope you're okay."

Sometimes even being direct people don't get the hint.
I told a lady I know that I wasn't going to be friends with her anymore and I wouldn't be replying to her messages.
For months and months she carried on messaging and I ignored eventually she stopped messaging and trying to call.

Oh god don't be honest! Especially if you are likely to see her again in a group setting.
I think it's much kinder to say "I've got a lot on with family stuff lately. I'll see you at the group event"
Easy.

You could say you have been reevaluating how busy you are and only have energy to invest time in your closer friendships as it isn't fair to people that you can't give them enough time and attention but you hope.all is well.

Or maybe less self centred folk who care about other people's feelings?!

@burnoutbabe exactly! People don't need to know EVERY feeling/ thought you ever have!

I have a friend who seems to have phased everyone out. Including close family members. She's also become a psychotherapist. She's definitely the most odd and self involved person. I would have hated a big confrontation. We just text now. It's fine. I don't take it personally since she's done it to loads of other long term friends. Her issue imo 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or something like
Hi not close friend yes I have been quiet, I'm sorry but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the mo and not always up for socialising like I used to, but look forward to catching up at group event. Take care x

My feelings have been less hurt by directness, than wondering years later if it was a natural fade or something about me.

If you have to see her out and about just redirect to those meetings.

"Yes, i'd love to catch up, I'll see you at XYZ event we are both attending."

I'm surprised everyone thinks it's such a good idea to be honest! This is only my personal view but ...

I think actual ghosting is cruel (as in blocking and disappearing)

I also think a direct character assassination is cruel (also awkward if you'll see each other at joint meet ups)

I would prefer a slow fade / being busy (both as the doer and the receiver)