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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I just lost all perspectives with videocalls and babies?

49 replies

Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 10:47

This is my other thread.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4921283-to-not-want-visitors-and-videocalls-almost-everyday-because-of-new-baby?reply=129984976

This morning I had a lie in so DH did breakfast with DC. But he propped up his phone for FIL to chat to her while she eats. And she's constantly looking over at the screen but thankfully because she likes this particular breakfast she goes back to her spoon and then DH will chat to his dad and then go back to feeding.

I'm furious he isn't creating a distraction free environment. DC is only on day 22 of weaning...

Am I being completely unreasonable? I know I can let my emotions run high and DH and I have been arguing a bit more than usual and I don't want this to be another weekend where we fight.

Edited to include link of my other thread

OP posts:
Indoorcatmum · 21/10/2023 10:51

You are being wildly unreasonable. Babies need to learn to eat with all manner of distractions and also it's a lovely bonding time for the three of them.

Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 10:52

He's now explaining to FIL why she isn't eating. When she's full she does all these things not to eat eg. If she looks at the floor etc. but actually she doesn't do that when she's full, she does that when she's bored. Because sometimes when she does that she will also get second wind and want literally a whole another pouch, you just need to be patient, but I can hear him cleaning up now.

OP posts:
Indoorcatmum · 21/10/2023 10:53

I didn't see your other link sorry.

In regards to that thread, you are not being unreasonable and I would be setting boundaries of two calls a week on days you choose.

The amount you are doing is totally unreasonable of them to expect and I would be frustrated too!

Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 10:56

Indoorcatmum · 21/10/2023 10:51

You are being wildly unreasonable. Babies need to learn to eat with all manner of distractions and also it's a lovely bonding time for the three of them.

Ok, yes, that makes sense. Do you think I should tell DH we shouldn't do that at most meals though because she's still learning how to eat?
My weaning book says to create a distraction free environment when the home is at its calmest etc

OP posts:
roarrfeckingroar · 21/10/2023 10:58

Day 22 of weaning 😂😂😂

PFB OP?

You're getting a lie in. Let your husband parent as he sees fit. This is not a hill to die on.

EatYourVegetables · 21/10/2023 10:58

No screens or toys at the table in our house.

When we go to a restaurant you get toys but they go once the food comes.

lazy DH.

Floralnomad · 21/10/2023 10:59

When babies are only just staying to eat I always thought it was more about trying different flavours / textures as opposed to it being about getting nutrition into them so I can’t see the issue with this at all .

Labradoodlie · 21/10/2023 10:59

Day 22 of weaning!!! I have no particular views on video calls, but this is a sign you need to chill….

Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 11:00

EatYourVegetables · 21/10/2023 10:58

No screens or toys at the table in our house.

When we go to a restaurant you get toys but they go once the food comes.

lazy DH.

He wasn't doing it to keep her entertained but rather for FIL to see baby eat. So his intention is not to distract/entertain therefore I would not say he is being lazy.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 21/10/2023 11:01

WRT your other thread you need to just tell them that they can’t visit ad hoc and give them an actual time that they can come .

Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 11:01

Confused why people are mentioning what day of weaning I'm on.. We're following particular book but so is the baby club I joined so I didn't think I was being especially over the top about it.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 21/10/2023 11:01

Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 10:52

He's now explaining to FIL why she isn't eating. When she's full she does all these things not to eat eg. If she looks at the floor etc. but actually she doesn't do that when she's full, she does that when she's bored. Because sometimes when she does that she will also get second wind and want literally a whole another pouch, you just need to be patient, but I can hear him cleaning up now.

Edited

But it doesn't really matter. She can just have a bigger snack or something. And it's a slightly separate issue to the call - the issue is you thinking your DH isn't correctly feeding her and knowing when she might be full vs when she might eat more. Which may be true, but presumably you feed her far more often? I personally wouldn't get up from a lie in to go and correct him on it.

From your other thread, you are not being unreasonable about the amount of calls though.

Sirzy · 21/10/2023 11:02

On this one you’re being unreasonable and it seems like you’re putting a lot of pressure on everyone with regards to weaning.

Indoorcatmum · 21/10/2023 11:03

Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 10:56

Ok, yes, that makes sense. Do you think I should tell DH we shouldn't do that at most meals though because she's still learning how to eat?
My weaning book says to create a distraction free environment when the home is at its calmest etc

Show quote history

In my experience (trained and qualified nanny) there's babies being fed while other siblings are running around, parents on work calls, dogs barking etc.

I view it the same as when people have silence in their homes for nap times... They create children that need silence to sleep and that's a nightmare.

The more casual you can be, the better.
If he did phone calls every meal then that would be excessive and I would explain to him that she deserves his undivided attention sometimes.

BUT I do think that the expectations your family has on phonecalls is crazy and I would be setting boundaries around that.

You can't control how often your husband speaks to them, but I really would be saying something like -

“Little one is getting bigger and has more needs now, so I will be limiting phone calls to Tuesdays and Fridays with a photo update via text in-between. I'm sure you all understand".

And leave no room for them to argue.
I would NEVER allow family to expect daily calls, that's hugely emotionally draining for you.

roarrfeckingroar · 21/10/2023 11:03

You're being over the top. Weaning doesn't need to be this stressful.

Caspianberg · 21/10/2023 11:04

Babies eating are really boring though. They can’t talk. If some one wants to FaceTime family whilst a 6 month old eats porridge it’s hardly going to stop them eating forever

Darkmode2 · 21/10/2023 11:04

Indoorcatmum · 21/10/2023 10:53

I didn't see your other link sorry.

In regards to that thread, you are not being unreasonable and I would be setting boundaries of two calls a week on days you choose.

The amount you are doing is totally unreasonable of them to expect and I would be frustrated too!

That's extremely controlling

If my dp told me I was only allowed to video chat my mum a certain number of times a week I'd be telling him where to go

RomeoMcFlourish · 21/10/2023 11:04

Sorry, but this thread made me laugh. If you have more DC, you’ll look back on this and realise the madness of it. Mealtimes can’t always be calm and serene - there will be interruptions - the kids arguing/moaning, phone calls, the doorbell going, having friends round for play dates etc.
By day 22 of my children’s weaning journeys (not that I actually ever thought to keep count of the days) they would have just had a plate plonked down in front of them like their older siblings and expected to get stuck in - whether there were distractions or not!
I think you’re being a little precious OP. I could see it being annoying if it was constantly happening but a FaceTime call here and there won’t be doing any harm.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 21/10/2023 11:05

Other thread YANBU. This one? Unless she is being plonked in front of a screen every time she eats, YABU. A videocall with an actual person isn't exactly having her glued to CBeebies at mealtimes, is it?

Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 11:05

Ok I am getting the gist now. Thank you internet for talking me down 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 11:08

Darkmode2 · 21/10/2023 11:04

That's extremely controlling

If my dp told me I was only allowed to video chat my mum a certain number of times a week I'd be telling him where to go

Show quote history

DH generally phones his dad every couple of days. I have no problem at all with him calling his dad. In my other thread, my complaint was literally the sheer number of calls I had to do with DC (and it usually falls on me as DH is in the office most days).

This thread is specifically DH making the call while baby eats.

I would have not had a problem if it was after she was fed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 11:09

But yes, I am sorry, I can see how fussy I am being. I appreciate everyone's perspectives. Thank you 🙌

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/10/2023 11:12

I used to FaceTime my mum whilst DD2 was eating different foods. It was during lockdown so I tried to make up for how often I’d have been there. Made no difference to DD’s eating habits now and she will eat her meals with all manner of distractions going on. She’s 3.

DD1 on the other hand had ‘distraction free weening’ - not really but a lot less chaotic because she was PFB. She’s the slowest eater in the world and gets distracted by everything. She’s 9.

You are being a bit precious about this. Let your DH parent how he likes. Mine does it differently to me and I choose the hills to die on. This wouldn’t be one.

RedHelenB · 21/10/2023 11:16

Jelllytot · 21/10/2023 11:01

Confused why people are mentioning what day of weaning I'm on.. We're following particular book but so is the baby club I joined so I didn't think I was being especially over the top about it.

Seriously, ditch the manual. It's a baby, not a car if pfb has eaten then your dh has done his job, and also managed to have some interaction with the grandparents. Good for him multitasking. Yabu.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 21/10/2023 11:16

I voted YABU before I saw your other thread. Now I’ve seen it, YANBU! This sounds insane.

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