Have I just lost all perspectives with videocalls and babies?

[Jelllytot]

This is my other thread.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4921283-to-not-want-visitors-and-videocalls-almost-everyday-because-of-new-baby?reply=129984976

This morning I had a lie in so DH did breakfast with DC. But he propped up his phone for FIL to chat to her while she eats. And she's constantly looking over at the screen but thankfully because she likes this particular breakfast she goes back to her spoon and then DH will chat to his dad and then go back to feeding.

I'm furious he isn't creating a distraction free environment. DC is only on day 22 of weaning...

Am I being completely unreasonable? I know I can let my emotions run high and DH and I have been arguing a bit more than usual and I don't want this to be another weekend where we fight.

Edited to include link of my other thread

Just think of it this way - have you ever seen an adult who hasn’t been weaned onto solid foods? Regardless of phone calls, your baby will learn to eat at some point. Our parents didn’t have books that told them how to micromanage weaning and we all grew up just fine. It’s a normal first time mum anxiety and you will do well both for yourself and your kid if you relax a little.
As far as frequent contact, isn’t it lovely that grandparents show interest. There are so many threads on here complaining about grandparents not bothering with their grandkids at all.

Did you read the other link?

I am referencing HER having to make phone calls to family daily.
What he does is his own business.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, there are other times to call FIL, children should learn how to eat with no distractions. You are right and your DH is wrong. You should tell him !

If it were every meal then not great. But odd occasion, absolutely fine.

Ok he's been on the call for an hour now. I feel like she should be getting some undivided attention because half the battle in videocalling a 6 month old is keeping her upright/in one place and she's getting fed up.

Lol I can hear FIL asking where the wife is and if my DH has had any breakfast 🤌

Hahaha was my first thought too! Day 22 😂😂😂😂

@Indoorcatmum "In regards to that thread, you are not being unreasonable and I would be setting boundaries of two calls a week on days you choose."
Now I hate it when people say this sort of thing. The mother isn't automatically the boss parent. If he wants to chat to his dad and show off his dd why the fuck shouldn't he? And I hate defending men!!!!(joke-ish)

YABVU. I think it’s worst to focus solely on the food, why is it different to you chatting to her. The fact you know the number of days weaning is laughable. Chill out

And short of them doing something dangerous, the worst thing you can do for your marriage and co parenting is criticise DH.

I am trying really hard not to be the "boss parent" and tell DH what to do. But he hasn't read a single thing on babies since she was born and doesn't understand all her milestones and sometimes it makes me nervous eg. When she was 2 weeks old I caught DH trying to startle her (jump out of nowhere and say boo. And not gently either.. imagine a man shouting BOO in a deep loud voice) when I asked what he was doing he said that the baby never reacts to anything so he's trying to get a reaction out of her. Or more recently fly her around the room by only holding her hands. I feel like he has no perspective on how robust (or not robust) a baby is.

You really need to calm down @Jelllytot , your baby is with her father and she’s not screaming or sounding distressed so leave him alone .

It's good to chat over meals!

In the nicest possible way you need to chill out.

I presume this is your PFB?

I remember spending hours cooking, blending, and pureeing for my PFB. One particular time I still have nightmares about was making homemade fishcakes and spending 3 hours picking out the bones with tweezers...

I'm lucky if I can get my 2 to eat anything that's not beige now...

In all honesty you're undermining your baby's dad. I think it's cute your DH and FIL are wanting to do this with your baby. Babies are a wonder and things that would normally be dull as shit (watching someone eating) are elevated to something not to be missed when a baby does it.

There are things my DH (and MIL) used to do with our babies that drove me to distraction but they have lived to tell the tale and love me, their dad, and my MIL to bits.

Pick your battles, this really shouldn't be one.

You don’t need to read books to be a good parent. The baby hasn’t read the books and doesn’t know what they are supposed to be doing on day 22 on weaning.

you risk missing out on the little things because your so focused on what the books say.

Why are you listening in ? I thought her dad was looking after her this morning. Let him get on with it, and put your headphones on

It sounds like your baby spends more time with a phone shoved in her face than without one tbh.

The swinging round a room is dangerous but I have three children from 16-5 and have never read a parenting book.

Also, I think by day 22 of weaning I'd pretty much given up on any kind of routine. I assume this is a PFB as by the third you'll be battling getting the older ones ready for school/clubs etc and breakfast routine is just "eat something please"

YABU in this case. Let your dh do the video calls, but on your other thread you and definitely not being unreasonable. Your family are being rude expecting multiple calls a day and expecting to come over when they want, no matter what you are doing.

Was the baby distressed when he did the BOO thing? Presumably not, so nothing to worry about. Besides it was not a random bloke doing it, it was the dad - someone baby trusts and has a bond with. Parenting books weren’t a thing until recently and humanity survived and reached milestones just fine.

So with baby led weaning they are supposed to be supervised only in the sense that you make sure they aren’t choking etc. Spoon fed obvs requires more focused attention, but it doesn’t sound like you are doing spoon fed

the day 22 thing is so funny tbh 😂

I think its just that when you look back on this you'll realise how silly it seems.

We all obsess over these things but pretty soon they will be stealing chips off your plate, refusing any food other than crackers but the next day they will hate crackers, or trying to leave the table every 5 minutes because running is more fun than dinner time you will look back and laugh over day 22 of weaning.

I’ve never read a baby book either and my children are growing up nicely. I preferred to just follow my own instincts and it’s served me well. Perhaps try not to be so rigid about everything with your LO, one day you’ll look back and possibly regret how much time you spent worrying about things that didn’t really matter in the long run.