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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constantly cleaning and the house is still a mess !!

79 replies

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 07:57

I'm so fed up. It's literally a constant battle.

How do you manage ?

I have two DC 1 and a half and 3 and a half and of course they make a mess with their toys. Which is annoying. I'm always picking up toys after them. If I don't do it throughout the day, it's completely overwhelming. They do tidy their toys away at night time, but of course I need to help.

The kitchen is my biggest issue really. Just keeping it clutter free and tidy is a constant battle. It feels like Groundhog Day. To stay on top of it I'm pretty much constantly tidying stuff away and cleaning it.

Like today, I'm going to have to clean after breakfast. It's an absolute mess already because my lovely husband is obsessed with giving my children cereal. I never give them cereal as it makes a massive mess. Especially because he gives them stuff like rice crispies and coco pops without milk and they just throw it around. So this is now all over the kitchen. I'm pretty furious. He does it every Saturday. I tend to give them toast and sandwiches and fruit or eggs, never cereal. Especially the little one makes a mess, so I give him stuff that doesn't make a mess, to make my life easier.

But in any case. So now I'll clean after breakfast, then I'll need to clean up the mess after lunch and then again after dinner. In between doing laundry and putting it away etc. every day is the same shit. Thankfully I have cleaners once a week who clean bathrooms and that kind of stuff, but to stay on top of it I still need to hoover every day and wash the floors in between their visits at least once. It's constant and I don't even feel like my house is that clean.

How do people manage without feeling like they're just constantly cleaning ?

OP posts:
Wolfen · 21/10/2023 08:01

It's normal to clean the kitchen after every meal prep.
How do your dc throw cereal everywhere? If they're chucking cereal out of their bowl then that needs to be addressed and why is your dh not cleaning after breakfast?

ZekeZeke · 21/10/2023 08:02

Declutter is number 1 and be ruthless.
Get a small hand held vacuum, rather than lugging out a big one for every spill.
DH causes the mess then DH cleans it up.
Share the duties.

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:05

Wolfen · 21/10/2023 08:01

It's normal to clean the kitchen after every meal prep.
How do your dc throw cereal everywhere? If they're chucking cereal out of their bowl then that needs to be addressed and why is your dh not cleaning after breakfast?

I know it's normal, it's just exhausting.

OP posts:
Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:06

ZekeZeke · 21/10/2023 08:02

Declutter is number 1 and be ruthless.
Get a small hand held vacuum, rather than lugging out a big one for every spill.
DH causes the mess then DH cleans it up.
Share the duties.

He sometimes cleans up. But he'll be focusing on other house jobs today, so it still stays my job to do the general up keep inside. He'll do bins/ clear out the garage, do the lawn.. that kind for stuff, rather than cleaning the day to day away.

OP posts:
Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:07

Re our children making a mess with cereal, I don't really know how it happens . The little one just isn't that great at eating in a tidy way, so it gets everywhere. The older one is ok actually.

OP posts:
Tiredchicken · 21/10/2023 08:09

i feel like this but sadly don’t have a cleaner!
no tips just house is constantly a mess. Figure it will be clean when kids are older and I have more time.

MidnightOnceMore · 21/10/2023 08:09

This is normal, unfortunately.

I had a tidy up song I played so the kids put their stuff away and over time trained them to put one thing away before getting out the next - but at 3 they were still basically whirlwinds. I accepted the mess until bed time then together we tidied it all up.

The kitchen thing is normal - prep, cook, eat, clear for every meal.

How is the housework shared in your family? Both partners are responsible, not just you.

BertieBotts · 21/10/2023 08:11

I am rubbish at this Grin I've followed so many plans/guides over the years but the only one that's ever made much of a difference is A Slob Comes Clean.

Basics are reduce amount of stuff that you own (but she doesn't make you do any super minimalist stuff - it's all easy building up to getting harder, have never felt this was a problem)

Also some basic tasks that need to be done every day no matter what.

And some useful principles like starting in the most visible space, and getting stuff actually OUT of the house in whatever way that you can, rather than moving it around (e.g. into a "keep box" "ebay box" or crammed cupboard, spare room etc).

MidnightOnceMore · 21/10/2023 08:12

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:07

Re our children making a mess with cereal, I don't really know how it happens . The little one just isn't that great at eating in a tidy way, so it gets everywhere. The older one is ok actually.

What does 'everywhere' mean? I had a plastic mat under the chair to catch everything. Never put them next to a wall to avoid handprints. The table just got wiped afterwards.

If you don't know how it is happening, do you need to sit with them and encourage calmer eating?

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 21/10/2023 08:18

They are 1 and 3? Of course they'll be messy. Are you a follower of insta mums who give unrealistic expectations of a family home? Am assuming you're a sahm at present? In all honesty I'll clean after breakfast, then I'll need to clean up the mess after lunch and then again after dinner. In between doing laundry and putting it away etc. every day is the same shit. that's life? Anyone who makes food has to clean up after, everyone has to do laundry?

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:19

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 21/10/2023 08:18

They are 1 and 3? Of course they'll be messy. Are you a follower of insta mums who give unrealistic expectations of a family home? Am assuming you're a sahm at present? In all honesty I'll clean after breakfast, then I'll need to clean up the mess after lunch and then again after dinner. In between doing laundry and putting it away etc. every day is the same shit. that's life? Anyone who makes food has to clean up after, everyone has to do laundry?

I'm not a stay at home mum and yes I know everyone needs to do these things. Im not stupid. Just tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:20

I guess I'm frustrated as there's never even one day or half a day of any kind of break! It's the same shit, every day.

OP posts:
WashableVelvet · 21/10/2023 08:21

We have a mini dustpan and brush for the kitchen counters and the table, and a normal size one for the floor. So I sweep the table and any obvious bits on the floor after each meal, then sweep the whole kitchen floor properly with a broom once a day ish - much easier than lugging the whole hoover out. Only do the table and counters with cleaning spray after the kids are in bed. Certainly don’t hoover daily. We have a little handheld vacuum but that tends to be for sand on the sofa etc - it’s quicker and easier to use a mini dustpan for hard surfaces.

Speedweed · 21/10/2023 08:21

Start instigating a rule of one toy out, then when they stop playing with that, they put it away before getting out the next thing. If they go to nursery, that's what they'll be used to.

Then at the end of the day, play stops early to put everything away. Obvs they are tiny so they won't do much, but get them used to the end of playtime is when everything is picked up. Your future self will thank you for training them like that now.

Option 1, throw out the cereal and don't buy more. If it's what your husband eats, then he needs to clear it up if he gives it to them - again, train him to realise breakfast isn't finished until the clear up has been done.

You're just in a bad habit of not doing clean up as you go and not involving your children.

Also, declutter, keep an eye on how many toys you have with loads of little pieces and maybe reduce those in number for a while, and look at how your toys are stored with a view to making it easy for your kids to help, so maybe get bags or bins for each type of toy. Consider too if your toys are stored chaotically, your kids will need to pull everything out to get all the pieces, so that makes the situation worse.

Devilsmommy · 21/10/2023 08:27

MidnightOnceMore · 21/10/2023 08:12

What does 'everywhere' mean? I had a plastic mat under the chair to catch everything. Never put them next to a wall to avoid handprints. The table just got wiped afterwards.

If you don't know how it is happening, do you need to sit with them and encourage calmer eating?

Show quote history

Now I'm all for these splash mats as they do get alot of the food, however I've got a 13 month old and he's got a bloody good throw so it goes way further than the splash mat . OP I don't think your 18mo is going to not make a mess quite yet which you probably already know if you've got a 3yo. I'm the same as you. Hate kitchen clean up after meals. It's just endless and annoying 😭

MuttsNutts · 21/10/2023 08:27

He sometimes cleans up. But he'll be focusing on other house jobs today, so it still stays my job to do the general up keep inside. He'll do bins/ clear out the garage, do the lawn.. that kind for stuff, rather than cleaning the day to day away.

DH needs to help with the day-to-day mundane tidy up jobs as well - or does he not see that as men’s work? It’s not like he’ll be doing much on the lawn for the next few months and the garage doesn’t need sorting out every week. If he gives the kids something to eat that makes a mess, he gets to clean up, don’t let him just walk off and leave it.

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:30

@Devilsmommy that's exactly why I give him mess free food, unless I'm right there and able to help him. My H just sits him in front of a bowl of coco pops and walks off. Of course it's going everywhere.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 21/10/2023 08:30

I am a lover of plastic, transparent, stackable boxes with lids. I use them a lot. But they were particularly good when ds was small. Box for cars, box for dinosaurs, box for NERF, etc., He could find what he wanted and also it made tidy up a lot easier. Then, when it was done, the boxes could be stacked neatly.

MidnightOnceMore · 21/10/2023 08:31

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:20

I guess I'm frustrated as there's never even one day or half a day of any kind of break! It's the same shit, every day.

Yes.

Mindfulness is known to help. The less you rail against it, the less angry you feel.

What you are frustrated about is human existence, really - other than the super rich, every family everywhere has to do domestic duties. The one issue that could need addressing is the balance between partners in your own family.

Devilsmommy · 21/10/2023 08:32

@duvetstar if it were me, on the mornings I knew DH was giving kids breakfast I'd be hiding the cereals 😆

MidnightOnceMore · 21/10/2023 08:33

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:30

@Devilsmommy that's exactly why I give him mess free food, unless I'm right there and able to help him. My H just sits him in front of a bowl of coco pops and walks off. Of course it's going everywhere.

This is a husband problem. Have a rule - whoever presents the meal cleans it up.

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:34

H takes ages to do it and never completes the job.

OP posts:
Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:36

@MidnightOnceMore I just feel like all I do is domestic duties and work. Which is I'm sure how a lot of people feel! But it gets old quickly. Pre kids there was just more time and less mess, so domestic stuff didn't bog me down as much. If I even slightly drop the ball one day, it really shows quickly and becomes overwhelming.

I find the consistency difficult.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 21/10/2023 08:36

@duvetstar from reading mn I believe that's called strategic incompetence 😉

loseweightpleasegod · 21/10/2023 08:36

I have very few trinkets and everything mostly goes in cupboards.

At 50 my standards have decreased massively too. I dream of purging most of my possessions, dressing in a black tee shirt and trousers everyday and living a simple back to nature life.

Never buy a house with more than two toilets either.