Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Constantly cleaning and the house is still a mess !!

79 replies

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 07:57

I'm so fed up. It's literally a constant battle.

How do you manage ?

I have two DC 1 and a half and 3 and a half and of course they make a mess with their toys. Which is annoying. I'm always picking up toys after them. If I don't do it throughout the day, it's completely overwhelming. They do tidy their toys away at night time, but of course I need to help.

The kitchen is my biggest issue really. Just keeping it clutter free and tidy is a constant battle. It feels like Groundhog Day. To stay on top of it I'm pretty much constantly tidying stuff away and cleaning it.

Like today, I'm going to have to clean after breakfast. It's an absolute mess already because my lovely husband is obsessed with giving my children cereal. I never give them cereal as it makes a massive mess. Especially because he gives them stuff like rice crispies and coco pops without milk and they just throw it around. So this is now all over the kitchen. I'm pretty furious. He does it every Saturday. I tend to give them toast and sandwiches and fruit or eggs, never cereal. Especially the little one makes a mess, so I give him stuff that doesn't make a mess, to make my life easier.

But in any case. So now I'll clean after breakfast, then I'll need to clean up the mess after lunch and then again after dinner. In between doing laundry and putting it away etc. every day is the same shit. Thankfully I have cleaners once a week who clean bathrooms and that kind of stuff, but to stay on top of it I still need to hoover every day and wash the floors in between their visits at least once. It's constant and I don't even feel like my house is that clean.

How do people manage without feeling like they're just constantly cleaning ?

OP posts:
Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 10:18

oishutup · 21/10/2023 09:47

I feel you OP. It is hard and relentless.
Be ruthless in taking time out for yourself. Just do it and tell your husband you are going out.

Once I realised my husband was doing all the jobs like mowing the lawn etc (which he could take hours with, away from the kids funnily enough...) I told him I would swap jobs - and he could do meals and house that day, and I would do the garden. So I started mowing the lawn and he got the relentless grind in the house. Also, if you have any outside space - to have a break from clearing up, we used to do a lot of random outdoor picnics, just in the garden in all seasons. Doesn't matter if food gets dropped or drinks get spilt.

Also, I did oven meals wrapped in foil a lot so all the mess could just go in the bin.

But mostly, this is about your value. Don't believe the bullshit about it being important that he earns more than you. Do what you need to do, and don't feel guilty about it.

Yes my husband does the jobs that take him away from the kids too.

OP posts:
MuttsNutts · 21/10/2023 10:30

H takes ages to do it and never completes the job.

Yes my husband does the jobs that take him away from the kids too.

Of course he does 🙄 This is not a new strategy. Men have been pulling this shit for generations, their wives accept it, their DC take it all in and accept it as the norm…and so it continues.

Your DH is the problem here. You can either tackle him about it and make changes or continue as you are. He won’t like it though because he’s happy with the status quo and who can blame him.

ConnieTucker · 21/10/2023 10:46

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 08:30

@Devilsmommy that's exactly why I give him mess free food, unless I'm right there and able to help him. My H just sits him in front of a bowl of coco pops and walks off. Of course it's going everywhere.

This is your problem. Your husband should not be leaving a one year old alone to eat.

ImustLearn2Cook · 21/10/2023 10:47

@duvetstar I hear you, it is relentless and tiring.

Robot vacuum helps massively. The one I have has different settings. For after meal crumbs on the floor I put it on the setting where it vacuums in an increasing spiral, so it cleans an area rather than the whole floor.

Sometimes we picnic outside so it doesn’t matter about messy eating. The birds will eat the crumbs.

But even so I am so tired of never ending laundry, cooking and cleaning.

It’s time us women took a leaf out of men’s book and go sit on the toilet for 40 minutes with a good book and relax.

DaftQuestionForToday · 21/10/2023 10:58

It's not the house, it's your DH.

talk to him, tell him this needs to change or he's going to end up seeing his kids EOW.

swanning off for long showers & even bins/garden Stuff stops today.

presumably he wanted kids too? He needs to look after them & let you have long showers & 'do jobs' that are satisfying without the kids under your feet & destroying the house.

Don't limit the kids toys to one at a time. Developmentally it's important to let them mix their toys up & play with a variety of things together.

constant meals & mess... it can drive you mad, but as you say, a bowl of cereal makes a ton more mess than other things and at 1 & 3 they shouldn't be left alone while eating anyway!!

DH needs to massively up his game with the kids.

How mych either if you earn is completely irrelevant!!

DysmalRadius · 21/10/2023 11:04

You're husband sounds like a lazy bellend, but from a practical perspective I cannot recommend a robot hoover enough.

We have arranged a lot of our storage to facilitate the robot hoover, so that we can literally throw things into boxes and clear the floor on our way out of the door to leave the robot hoover going while we're out.

Ours sweeps and mops, so when we come home all the breakfast cereal is gone and the floor is sparkling! We even bought risers for the furniture so the hoover can go underneath and keep all the nooks and crannies fluff free!

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 11:05

DysmalRadius · 21/10/2023 11:04

You're husband sounds like a lazy bellend, but from a practical perspective I cannot recommend a robot hoover enough.

We have arranged a lot of our storage to facilitate the robot hoover, so that we can literally throw things into boxes and clear the floor on our way out of the door to leave the robot hoover going while we're out.

Ours sweeps and mops, so when we come home all the breakfast cereal is gone and the floor is sparkling! We even bought risers for the furniture so the hoover can go underneath and keep all the nooks and crannies fluff free!

I have a robot hoover but it always gets stuck in places !

OP posts:
TheBlueandtheGrey · 21/10/2023 11:11

Just get rid of loads of stuff, that is the key.

Plus leaving a baby to eat alone is a risk as they could choke.

I often take stuff out of my dishwasher throughout the day, it’s more like a tidy cupboard. It means I don’t have to put it away which is my most hated job.

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 11:13

TheBlueandtheGrey · 21/10/2023 11:11

Just get rid of loads of stuff, that is the key.

Plus leaving a baby to eat alone is a risk as they could choke.

I often take stuff out of my dishwasher throughout the day, it’s more like a tidy cupboard. It means I don’t have to put it away which is my most hated job.

We don't leave him alone to eat. Rather H walks off to make a coffee or some toast while 18 month old eats coco pops. He's still in the same room and does keep an eye, but doesn't care if he's making a mess !

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 21/10/2023 11:15

Is it the hoover, or your stuff that's causing the problem? We had a rubbish one before that was constantly getting stuck, but we now have one that has been genuinely life-changing. We did a bit of work to make sure it could get everywhere (put up hooks to hang cables on, put Cork mats under our dresser feet so it could get underneath without getting jammed etc) and it really paid off. Maybe you could put your husband on the case as a first step towards evening up the load!

TheBlueandtheGrey · 21/10/2023 11:21

Glad to read he is in the room still you had me worried there.

Do you two eat cereal? I would just stop buying it.

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 11:24

TheBlueandtheGrey · 21/10/2023 11:21

Glad to read he is in the room still you had me worried there.

Do you two eat cereal? I would just stop buying it.

Only he eats cereal. I never eat it. Perhaps oats, but that's about it. He's obsessed with the kids eating cereal, as is my MIL. Must run in the family.

Nothing is wrong with cereal per se, but you need to stay close for the entire meal if you don't want to end up with coco pops everywhere !

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 21/10/2023 13:56

duvetstar · 21/10/2023 11:13

We don't leave him alone to eat. Rather H walks off to make a coffee or some toast while 18 month old eats coco pops. He's still in the same room and does keep an eye, but doesn't care if he's making a mess !

Show quote history

Because he isnt the one clearing up. Tell him to get back in the and clean up as she supervised the breakfast.

Abitofalark · 21/10/2023 14:46

Get a cleaner in on Saturday morning with husband minding the children or baby sitter with husband clearing up, while you take yourself off to the gym/ swimming pool or for a relaxing stroll, cycle or run in the open air or yoga class or a couple of hours in the library or something else you'd like to do.

It's a breather and a refreshing break that helps your mind and emotions, while your husband can relax in the afternoon and you both relax in the evening after children's bedtimes.

Daphnis156 · 21/10/2023 14:53

Perhaps clean more thoroughly, and more often, and use the time you're spending on Mumsnet for cleaning instead of complaining.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 21/10/2023 14:55

Just tell your DH to stop feeding them sugary cereal, it's unhealthy aside from the mess that he does not clean up. If he insists on feeding them this then he has to supervise them and clean up.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 21/10/2023 14:57

My kids are 14, 14 and 12 and it's still the same relentless slog it always was.

This morning I got up and emptied the dishwasher before having to handwash a few items. Not many, but of course, they're the things no one wants to wash - the greasy baking sheets, the bowl used for something that's now dried into cement. So I did that, dried and put away. Made a cake as it's my youngest's birthday. Called the kids to bring uniform for washing. Called them again. Lost my shit and they finally brought it. Asked older boys to put cushion covers on cushions as I washed them all the other day. When they finally did it, it took less than 5 minutes between them, but they moaned and griped.

I want to run the hoover round and tidy up a bit as FIL is coming round before we go out for dinner later, but I've just not got the will to do it. Husband is at work else he would help.

Anyhoo I'm off to shower and then pick him up as I need a trip to Tesco. How much do you want to bet the uniform won't be hung up and none of them will be showered when I get back?

JennyWren87 · 21/10/2023 14:59

Honestly get a handheld vacuum. It's a life saver!

OnAir · 21/10/2023 15:12

Don't put it down, put it away is a rule in my house saves the doom piles and things building up. A little bit everyday keeps the house manageable. I blitz the house top to bottom on a Friday night, bathrooms bedsheets and wash all uniforms Friday night have done for years. I don't have a cleaner or any robotic cleaning aids just graft. The less you have the less there is to clean.I don't really see a bit of breakfast mess massively overwhelming just get yourself a routine. Turn tidying up into a game for the younger ones. Pairing socks is a good game and I absolutely hate doing it myself lol.

Lavenderosa · 21/10/2023 15:27

Hugs to you - your life is hard enough without your DH making it harder. I think you need to tell your DH that if he insists on giving the DCs messy food, he'll be the one cleaning it up. Just leave it there until he cleans it. Also, tell him you're going for a long soak in the bath (or whatever you want to do) so he needs to be with the DCs while you're gone for an hour or so.

Original poster
duvetstar · 21/10/2023 15:27

Daphnis156 · 21/10/2023 14:53

Perhaps clean more thoroughly, and more often, and use the time you're spending on Mumsnet for cleaning instead of complaining.

I clean ALL the time and I have a cleaner !! Your response is unkind. Hope you feel better spreading your poison. Have a nice day.

OP posts:
nearlywinteragain · 21/10/2023 15:34

You have a DH problem, I sympathize as I also have one.
The cereal I would sort by binning it and not buying anymore.
No one actually needs cocoa pops.

I have a housekeeper now rather than a cleaner, only for one day. But she sorts, tidies and declutters as well as cleans.
But when dc were younger we didn't and I just tried to keep decluttering by myself.

Caspianberg · 21/10/2023 15:45

I think it’s your dh that is making the most mess then?
As you say you have a cleaner who does the actual cleaning like bathrooms and kitchen, floor, etc.

So surely day to day it’s just mainly hoovering or sweeping crumbs from kids, or cleaning kitchen table and sides after prep and kids eating? that can’t take more than 30 ish minutes a day?

I mean I run handheld battery hoover around kitchen and hallway sometimes three times a day, with toddler food crumbs and pram wheels or shoes in hall. But it’s a 2 min wizz around. I only Hoover bedrooms and other spaces once a week really and that’s what your cleaner does. There’s no coco pops in bedrooms.

BertieBotts · 22/10/2023 07:16

I think your DH is being unusually unhelpful.

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/04/2024 20:42

Autumn1990 · 21/10/2023 08:38

A dish washer if you haven’t got one is great as it’s basically somewhere to store dirty plates out of sight! You could make the lunches up at breakfast (pack up style, my dc love this ) that cuts out one lot of clearing up.
Make dinner easier, eat out at a supermarket cafe once a week, if they have hot dinner at nursery or school just do bean on toast or sausage sandwich with fruit/salad/veg whatever they prefer on the side. Or batch cook. There’s no way I’m cooking something like spag Bol from scratch with all the clearing up and time it takes. I either batch cook, buy a ready meal or don’t bother !

@Autumn1990

NOONE on mumsnet gets ready meals or no one admits to it anyway.

I salute you!