"you'll miss it"

[Boolshit]

I hear/read all the time (when talking about toddlers), "enjoy the chaos, you'll miss it".

No, I won't! My house is a permanent shithole and I don't get a minutes peace. It's a full-time job just trying to keep the place tidy, forget about clean. Everything is marked, sticky and smeared. The washing basket is always overflowing, the dishwasher is never empty yet plates, etc. Are still piled up on the worktop. The walls are covered in scuffs, the door handles are loose/broken from being swung on... It's endless!

I understand missing their cute little faces, the affection, their voices, etc. But the chaos? Never!!! The screaming, demanding attention, tantrums, whining, sleepless nights... I won't miss any of that.

AIBU to think that this line is used by those wearing rose tinted glasses?

It does pass, and yes it does just become a worry about something else. I cried at parents evening instead. But you will get through it x

So suggest it, or book yourself away

I’m my own worst enemy, 1 night out is fine, but not 2.

I look forward to Thursday after work every week though because my husband goes to pick our daughter up and stays out for a couple of hours with her so I can do my own thing at home for a while. I watched MAFS Australia and made a batch of mini loaf cakes, my idea of bliss! They’re on their way back now and I’m really looking forward to her bouncing through the door.

Mumsnet is a strange place. Full of keyboard warriors.

@Boolshit there was no malice meant with my comment.

Sorry if I offended you 🩷

Having a little daydream and practical reality are two different things. Thanks for taking the time to answer though.

I don't miss the toddler years. I enjoyed having little ones, they were very cute and funny, but it's bloody hard work! I enjoyed the junior school years the best.

Keyboard warrior is a lazy insult thrown out by someone who doesn’t like someone else who disagrees with them.

Take a deep breath. It will all pass, though it’s shit when you’re in the thick of it. Can you possibly create some mental space for yourself in some small way? Keep the kids out of your bedroom so at least that’s not too chaotic?

Grabbing sleep whenever you can is important, though easier said than done. As for the mess, is there any way you can alter your perspective and just ride it out for a bit? I find uncontrolled mess and piled up tasks stressful too, but this is just a stage in your and your children’s lives, can you just stay on top of necessities and ride the rest out? In real terms this will all change again in a matter of months - even if it’s 12 months it’s still a short time in the grand scheme of things.

What support have you got? Partner? Family? If you’re really struggling please talk to your GP 💐

I agree. When DS1 was 6 months and waking every 45 minutes and had been for the last two months a friend said blithely that I’d miss the baby stage and should live every minute of it. I nearly wept. Another friend saw my face and told me that late primary was much much better and never has a truer word been said. I still get cuddles and loves and I can now sleep all night and am also not changing nappies. Hang in there (May I recommend going back to work if you’re a SAHP who is miserable?!).

I do this and wish I was back when my Dd was so little

You won’t miss it. It gets easier every year. Mine went to university this month so it’s very easy indeed.

Good lord do you always act like a stroppy teen or is it just when people are disagreeing with you? If you can’t debate like an adult then perhaps the internet isn’t for you. Ironically you’re the one behaving most like a ‘zoomer’.

@Gerrataere don't patronise me. I asked the poster if she was ok and wished her well and half of the posters on here are calling me out for being a twat.
Maybe the internet isn't for any of you fairies if you can't even ask someone if there ok without being shot down.

I had to Google the term chucked and me and discovered it’s someone born in the 1990s or 2000s, I was born before that so it was just another lazy insult anyway.

My lovely aunt had three hyper boys fairly close together in age. Her house was in constant chaos. They are all young men now. She always talks about one really bad day when everyone was acting up when a well meaning stranger told her to relax and enjoy them and that she'd miss this time when she looks back. My aunt still laughs about it and says does she fuck miss that time.

This comment would have been perfectly fine without the first sentence. Patronising as fuck.

I agree with you OP. I have a 18 month old DS and a DD who’s only 11 months older than him. It’s hell and I certainly won’t miss it

My children are older now and although I don't feel like I 'miss' any stage, the toddler years were definitely some of my favourite times, as well as being the hardest.

I actually did like the chaos, but mess doesn't bother me and we had a cleaner! 🤣 Definitely no rose tinted glasses here, one of my children was a very wild spirited toddler. Even he looks back at video footage and can't believe we coped with him, 🤣 He's a very, very calm 20 year old now.

I now have way too many animals so I'm enjoying the chaos of a different kind...not that different to toddlers actually. 😬

😂😭 you ended your post sarcastically. You were acting a twat on purpose, just admit it 😙

I’d happily never interact with a child under 8 ever again! Ours are teenagers, they are great fun to spend time with, they were horrific toddlers though, don’t miss them being little one bit.

For me the absolute worse time of being a parent was the toddler stage. My dc is grown up. The toddler stage was an absolute nightmare.

You said she sounded ‘uptight’. That’s right up there with accusing a woman of being ‘hysterical’. And since you’re throwing insults out left right and centre to anyone replying to you, I would certainly not disagree with anyone with the sentiment that you read like a bit of of a twat. Stop trying to gaslight everyone into thinking your original post wasn’t anything but a well-meaning question. In no context ever has a woman being told she sounds ‘uptight’ with genuine care behind it. It’s always an insult and assumption of her personality.

I miss it but mine weren’t chaotic in the baby and toddler stages. They were way easier then than they are now. The oldest is autistic and rarely if ever had a meltdown or was upset that it took ages to calm him as a toddler and both were quite good sleepers. Now at 8, he’s like a moody teenager, tantrums escalates to meltdowns when he doesn’t get his way, slamming doors, and the tiniest change has him refusing to take transport to school. I have to sometimes drag him out of bed, and despite being the size of a mop, he is much stronger than he looks for 50 lbs. Youngest is newly 6 moans, gets teary, and pouts when he is told no for anything. He is getting better but it has come down to having an almost strict routine, constant reminders, and having him repeat what we have said. They are well-behaved in public and for others though so there’s that at least so hoping this phase passes quickly.

I have a supportive DH who does more than his fair share and we try to sing from the same hymn sheet in terms of our parenting approach. The more I think about it, the more I think it's definitely an issue with me. Maybe depression? As well as DH, I also have a good support network who offer practical help. My DC aren't wild or particularly difficult, they're just typical toddlers. For some reason, I'm just finding things really difficult.

I was I your camp until this year.....someone said that realistically you only get about 16 summers with your child...... put it into perspective.....xx yanbu though.....flipping HATE the mess! Lol