"you'll miss it"

[Boolshit]

I hear/read all the time (when talking about toddlers), "enjoy the chaos, you'll miss it".

No, I won't! My house is a permanent shithole and I don't get a minutes peace. It's a full-time job just trying to keep the place tidy, forget about clean. Everything is marked, sticky and smeared. The washing basket is always overflowing, the dishwasher is never empty yet plates, etc. Are still piled up on the worktop. The walls are covered in scuffs, the door handles are loose/broken from being swung on... It's endless!

I understand missing their cute little faces, the affection, their voices, etc. But the chaos? Never!!! The screaming, demanding attention, tantrums, whining, sleepless nights... I won't miss any of that.

AIBU to think that this line is used by those wearing rose tinted glasses?

I completely believe then when you’re out the other-side you do forget to horrible bits!! I miss my gorgeous little toddlers but I am sure it was hell at times!! I think you’ll look back on these years fondly - but they feel like hard work now!

YANBU. Toddlers are hard!

@dandelionandburdock36 I asked the OP if she was okay because she sounds uptight/stressed. What's so judgemental about that?
As mums we all get stressed. Including myself on the daily.
I also wished the poster well.

If that's me being judgmental then ok 🤪

AIBU to think that this line is used by those wearing rose tinted glasses?

YADNBU, no, but don’t underestimate the power of those specs when you ultimately find yourself wearing them, which you may!

I struggled when my kids were that age, for sure - its easy to lose yourself in the tiredness, frustration, mess and mayhem, and I was relieved to be less weighed down as the grew older. And there were definitely ages/phases I found easier and more enjoyable in the moment. And I love my kids the way the are now as young adults and the very different and developing relationship we have.

But … but … I’d give almost anything to have a day with them back when they were chubby and cute and chaotic, when I could squeeze their little feet and pick them up without a thought and have a snuggle, when I could watch them and chat to them and laugh with them, when I could tuck them into bed all sleepy and smell their little heads and sing them to sleep.

Yep, rose-tinted definitely, but DH says exactly the same - it’s a moment in time you sometimes yearn for - and interestingly it’s one of the last things my own grandma said to me when she was dying. She could see how frazzled and inattentive I was, and told me to be more ‘present’ and enjoy my children when they were still little, because it’s gone in a heartbeat. It’s maybe only now I can see she how right she was.

Possibly hindsight for all of us - or maybe just nature cueing us up to be grandparents?! 😬

Nope don't miss them at all. I do miss the 5-10 years though.

I don’t miss those days - 2 y age gap but dd1 has asd so it felt like having 2 toddlers for a while until she started school. It was tough for me and Dh. The days were just non stop! No family help, couldn’t afford cleaner. Did feel like we were drowning a bit and other families were coping better.

however they were simple times, one day at a time and no worries about screens, peers, school. They were happy with the playground and other simple outings. Dd11 has hit puberty and is struggling with everything it seems. But of course it’s not constant, and it’s great seeing them develop into people and have interests.

I remember struggling to cope for years but now I’d give anything to go back and do it all over again.

I try and appreciate these days, as I know I’m going to look back and miss them too.

Just for fun.

It's maybe because it's the type of thing I've seen on here many times to out someone down. Especially women who are finding something hard that other others don't.

It can sound like another version of "You sound like hard work" or "unclench" and the "are you ok?" Is often used a dig too.

I am uptight. I'm stressed on the verge of depressed.

No

🚨Condescending twat alert🚨

I just don't recognise that.

The toddler years are my absolute favourite! I love the chaos. Mine weren't bad sleepers by then though and I don't mind tantrums. Now the newborn stage... Eek! Cute to look back on but I'd give a kidney before I went through it again.

Mine weren't awful toddlers but I don't miss it. They are 5 and 7 now and an absolute joy. They love school, are learning so much all the time, they play nicely together, still want cuddles, are nearly always happy, go to bed without issue and sleep all night. I think I'll come to miss this stage.

Me too 😂😂😂

I LOVE the toddler years. Excited to do it again. I'm quite efficient at cleaning up after them too so there are rarely sticky surfaces for long.

Several other posters called you out on the tone of your post so it’s clearly not just me who found it unhelpful.

The silly emoji you keep doing doesn’t make you come across any better either.

It’s really hard OP. I have just the one toddler and I work almost full time. I feel like I’m running on empty most of the time.

My kid is a pretty easy and lovely little thing and I couldn’t dream of life without her, but I find the relentless cycle of parenthood hard going and I often have daydreams of my husband and girl going away for a long weekend together and leaving me by myself to just have some space for a couple of days.

You’re not alone x

I miss the toddler years but I will probably miss the 5-11 years more. I love the day trips and the watching CBBC and the sitting with a coffee while they can play by themselves.

The chaos though - No. People think I am relaxed about my house because it is (usually) a shit hole but I am 100% uptight about it. I also hate the after school clubs run and panic teas.

Op: I hear/read all the time (when talking about toddlers), "enjoy the chaos, you'll miss it".

@crazycrimbolady : One day when you're [sic] babies are older and flown the nest you will look back on these days and miss the chaos.

Mumsnet perfection, chef's kiss

My house is exactly the same op. Even when I have cleaned it, it still feels grubby and messy. I dont know how they manage to make so many marks on the walls. Another thing I was not prepared for was how much shit kids have. There's toys everywhere. All the time. Having kids is the best and the worst of all things, all time, at the same time.

It isn't the mess you miss so much as having a house full of everything going on

Of course it's hard when you've got several same or similar ages, I'm always a bit jealous who have one and can do an activity then clean up and do something else instead of having to run two or three lots of sync'd activities with kids who all have different feeding needs and toiletting needs and that's before we get onto personalities, wants and wishes!!

Is their Dad around? Does he do his fair share? Do you both parent to the same boundaries?

Why not encourage him to do that? Even if he just takes her to visit his mum for a night or something.

I’m currently in the toddler years with DC1 and I both love it and am knackered! I love it when there’s two adults at home or we’re out and about, more than a few hours at home 1:1 and feels like we’re both climbing the walls and a tornado has hit the house.

DP goes the gym every other night about 15 minutes before bedtime which leaves me to do it and that can be a challenge (he does pull his weight before leaving and usually on the nights he’s home). Tonight he was home, did the initial put to bed and then tried to get me to do the rest - I needed a break have been off with DC all day (I also work full time) so currently sat in my car for a breather - I won’t miss this part!!